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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be a bit annoyed with my brother?

62 replies

SkiBumOne · 06/02/2022 17:51

My dad and my daughter have birthdays within 2 days of one another and we always meet for lunch as a family. It’s the first time we all get together after Christmas (we live a long way apart from one another). I hadn’t spoken to my parents but assumed we’d be meeting either weekend of the birthdays or the following one so kept both free.

My daughter will do something with her friends but she’s 17 and she won’t care if it’s the weekend of her birthday or the one after. Because of ill health, my parents can’t travel far which means we will go to them which is a 5-6 hour round trip. We can do it in a day but it’s not much fun spending hours on the M25 and so I’d like to keep the family lunch and the thing with DD’s mates on separate weekends.

My mum has just been in touch to suggest we meet 2 weeks after their birthday weekend but I can’t make that as I have plans. So then it’s the week after that which will be 3 weeks after their birthday and into the Easter holidays.

It turns out we meet on the weekends closest to the birthdays because my little brother has decided to go skiing that week.

AIBU to suggest we should just meet the weekend after their birthdays like we have done for the last 17 years without him? It’s not like my dad’s birthday is a moving feast. Hmm

In case you hadn’t guessed, my brother is the golden child.

OP posts:
phishy · 06/02/2022 21:54

I wouldn’t prioritise a non-milestone birthday over a holiday. Sometimes you find a great deal on a particular date.

It sounds like you’re more fussed about your dd’s birthday than anything else. Is this presents related?

Concestor · 06/02/2022 22:04

YANBU op. Your brother knows there's a plan around these birthdays every year and he's chosen to go away. Your DD wants to see her grandparents and other family members near her birthday as usual, so that should happen

Your dad's celebration, which he wants to delay until your brother is back, can be delayed.

There are two birthdays in this so while they are usual treated as one event, in these circumstances it makes sense to separate them and do what works for both birthday people.

I don't see that as you excluding your brother. He has excluded himself, his decision to go away has consequences.

saraclara · 06/02/2022 22:05

Your brother's choice of date might not have been much of a choice. Maybe that was the only time his employers would give him the time off.

And now you're overriding your parents' request (and they're the hosts and one of the birthday people) because of what YOU want. You're just as entitled as you claim your brother to be.

timeisnotaline · 06/02/2022 22:07

Have your daughters birthday celebration as usual. Your brother is choosing not to be there, something you should point out if your mum mentions it. Your dad can have his whenever he wants. You may or may not be able to make it, you’d kept the expected weekend free but obviously have a life.

FitAt50 · 06/02/2022 22:09

@SkiBumOne

My dad and my daughter have birthdays within 2 days of one another and we always meet for lunch as a family. It’s the first time we all get together after Christmas (we live a long way apart from one another). I hadn’t spoken to my parents but assumed we’d be meeting either weekend of the birthdays or the following one so kept both free.

My daughter will do something with her friends but she’s 17 and she won’t care if it’s the weekend of her birthday or the one after. Because of ill health, my parents can’t travel far which means we will go to them which is a 5-6 hour round trip. We can do it in a day but it’s not much fun spending hours on the M25 and so I’d like to keep the family lunch and the thing with DD’s mates on separate weekends.

My mum has just been in touch to suggest we meet 2 weeks after their birthday weekend but I can’t make that as I have plans. So then it’s the week after that which will be 3 weeks after their birthday and into the Easter holidays.

It turns out we meet on the weekends closest to the birthdays because my little brother has decided to go skiing that week.

AIBU to suggest we should just meet the weekend after their birthdays like we have done for the last 17 years without him? It’s not like my dad’s birthday is a moving feast. Hmm

In case you hadn’t guessed, my brother is the golden child.

"My mum has just been in touch to suggest we meet 2 weeks after their birthday weekend but I can’t make that as I have plans" - You can't make the week your mother suggested because YOU have plans, but then are annoyed at your brother because HE has plans?
Tomlettegregg · 06/02/2022 22:11

You're being unreasonable but you don't want to hear it.

Gizacluethen · 06/02/2022 22:13

I don't think you can be annoyed with your brother. But I think you should just celebrate the birthdays without him. Sounds like it's your mum that doesn't want to when it's not her birthday. So her you should be annoyed with.

Kite22 · 06/02/2022 22:24

@phishy

I wouldn’t prioritise a non-milestone birthday over a holiday. Sometimes you find a great deal on a particular date.

It sounds like you’re more fussed about your dd’s birthday than anything else. Is this presents related?

Same.

He's booked a holiday on this date due to some combination of him being able to get the time off work / the place he wants to go / the closeness of where he is staying to the slopes / the price / possibly other things I haven't thought of.
I doubt if his niece and Dad having their birthdays around that time would be a reason to not then book that particular holiday. I'm sure you would have mentioned if it were a particular milestone birthday.

I'm not deliberately excluding him. He booked a holiday when it's his dad's birthday.
Why should we all plan the celebrations around him? Confused

You aren't being asked to.
Your dd is celebrating with her friends.
I'm fairly sure your parents can go for a meal on their own, or possibly with their friends.
If you want, you could even do something nice with your dd on a different day from the day she is already planned to go out with friends.
Then as well as that you can have your whole / extended family meet up on a date that the whole family can make.

It really isn't difficult.

trunktoes · 06/02/2022 22:41

YABU - it's really not a big deal to do it a few weeks later so you can have a family get together. If my daughter kicked up about that I would be having words with her

user1471604848 · 06/02/2022 22:45

Why don't you have two separate birthday celebrations.

  • For your daughter - meet your parents when it suits (without your brother)
  • For your dad, wait till Easter when everyone is there.
eldora · 07/02/2022 05:29

It’s not really fair to the other grandkids that dd gets such a fuss on her birthday just because her birthday is so close to your father’s.

Do the other grandkids’ birthdays get celebrated with a meal?

JurgensCakeBabyJesus · 07/02/2022 05:42

Do it the weekend before the birthdays , brother isn't going away until the day before and it sounds as though the birthdays are midweek.
Also you're being petty to expect him to not book a holiday when he wants and you say your daughter doesn't mind when the family gathering is but then you say she does, which is it? Most 17 year old wouldn't be fussed

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