Who wears the trousers in your relationship?

[MeSanniesareBrannies]

I was just asked who ‘wears the trousers’ in my relationship and I’m rather irritated.

The term ‘wears the trousers’ is sexist patriarchal nonsense.

Historically, the term was applied to women, particularly wives, who assumed the domineering household role that was believed to belong to the husband. It’s now also applied to same-sex relationships - ‘who wears the trousers’ is shorthand for ‘who is the man?’ And it’s stupid. Rude, misogynistic, and outdated.

We no longer (one would hope) believe that the man is the ‘head’ of the household. If we are aiming for healthy equal partnerships, then nobody is ‘in charge’.

AIBU?

YANBU at all. I absolutely hate this sort of crap, it's utterly demeaning for both men and women and predicated on the assumption that relationships are some sort of one-upmanship game rather than a respectful partnership between grownups.

´Today we are both wearing Jeans’ change topic of conversation.
Or ´DH does enjoy getting his kilt out for special occasions’
Or ´DW is quite partial to a 50s style circle skirt. I prefer something closer fitting for work myself’

Yes it is sexist bullshit and it’s a ridiculous attempt to look for hetero gender stereotypes when applied to a same sex relationship. Give a nonsense answer and move the conversation swiftly along and hope the idiot who asked the dumb question gets the point without you having to give a lesson is feminist theory.

@Allpenguinsarepingus I love all of those responses!

@mrsmalcolmreynolds It really does. The relationship dynamics that some people seem to consider normal and acceptable genuinely depress me.

We wear one leg each. Fair dos.

@GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER 😂😂😂

My DP wears the trousers, but I tell him which ones to wear

YADNBU. I hate this phrase

It would be great if the people who think I’m being unreasonable explained why. They don’t appear to be inclined to do so.

Ooops I have said exactly that on a thread today!!

@StormzyinaTCup Can I ask why? As in, what for?

Yes you can, it was regarding an imbalance in a relationship.

Actually, in all the couples I know where there’s unequal wearing of said garments, it’s the women who have both legs firmly trousered, so to speak.

@GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER

Actually, in all the couples I know where there’s unequal wearing of said garments, it’s the women who have both legs firmly trousered, so to speak.

I’m not really seeing how that’s relevant to my point.

We take turns... But the pants look way better on me

@StormzyinaTCup So, you were talking about a relationship being imbalanced/one partner dominating in the context of that being problematic? As opposed to assuming that there was a dominant partner and that this was the normal state of things?

Or have I misunderstood?

I hate it. I get it a lot as I’m loud, outspoken and DH much milder mannered. Assumption is he’s a poor henpecked man and I’m a domineering shrew.

We just roll our eyes but it pisses me off.

@Merryoldgoat It’s such sexist bullshit.

Agree, it’s a horrible, heteronormative term that normalises an unhealthy power imbalance.

Once rented a house and the owner (misogynistic pig) enquired which of us (two feminine women) would be “taking the man’s role”. By that, he appeared to mean who would read the gas meter, take out the bins and mow the lawn.

@MyAnacondaMight That is so unbelievably disgusting. I’m sorry that you experienced that!

The fucked up thing about this is that the people who say it - even otherwise sensible pleasant people who aren’t dickheads - don’t even think about it. They don’t think about what they’re saying, what it means or why they’re saying it. And then when you articulate how it’s offensive, it becomes ‘feminism gone mad’.

Cool. I’ll be a mad feminist in a healthy equal partnership, thanks.

@Merryoldgoat

I hate it. I get it a lot as I’m loud, outspoken and DH much milder mannered. Assumption is he’s a poor henpecked man and I’m a domineering shrew.

We just roll our eyes but it pisses me off.

God, me too. What they don't understand is that if he doesn't want to do something, it WON'T HAPPEN. No fuss, no muss: just won't happen.

For the most part me, despite the fact I never actually wear trousers; I don't own a single pair! We both take the lead on different things but it's my flat we live in, so probably lead/get final say on house stuff and DP fell in with my routine.

Answered literally though, he does. He's in trousers, I'm always in a skirt. Like his n hers loo door signs! 🚻

@MrsToothyBitch Did you read the post? I’m not trying to be rude, but - from your comment - it doesn’t seem like you did.

I hate it. I get it a lot as I’m loud, outspoken and DH much milder mannered. Assumption is he’s a poor henpecked man and I’m a domineering shrew. We just roll our eyes but it pisses me off.
Same

God, me too. What they don't understand is that if he doesn't want to do something, it WON'T HAPPEN. No fuss, no muss: just won't happen.
And same