Who wears the trousers in your relationship?

[MeSanniesareBrannies]

I was just asked who ‘wears the trousers’ in my relationship and I’m rather irritated.

The term ‘wears the trousers’ is sexist patriarchal nonsense.

Historically, the term was applied to women, particularly wives, who assumed the domineering household role that was believed to belong to the husband. It’s now also applied to same-sex relationships - ‘who wears the trousers’ is shorthand for ‘who is the man?’ And it’s stupid. Rude, misogynistic, and outdated.

We no longer (one would hope) believe that the man is the ‘head’ of the household. If we are aiming for healthy equal partnerships, then nobody is ‘in charge’.

AIBU?

Yes I did. And replied with how it works for me. I don't mind the phrase. It's never struck me that way and as a non literal trouser wearer it's always amused me more than anything. I don't consider households to have a head as such these days; more who is the strongest willed.

I certainly don't think I'd enjoy living with you OP.

A particular example was a few stag weekends were coming up that involved the usual paint balling then food and then strip club.

He says he wasn’t doing the strip club and the blokes all thought I was behind it and said they’d get him in there when it came to it.

I just smiled and left them to it. It was all him (although I’d not have liked him to go to one) but he was raised by a staunch feminist and he just wouldn’t want that.

They tried to embarrass him etc but after that night they realised who he was and that he was no henpecked bloke desperate for a night of freedom.

@MrsToothyBitch But I wasn’t asking how it worked for you. The question was the title, but the content of the post. And your subsequent comment still doesn’t indicate you understood what was being said. Which is odd, as it’s not a complicated post.

I don’t think I’d enjoy being anywhere near you, if I’m honest. So, we’re both fortunate that it’s unlikely to come up.

God, me too. What they don't understand is that if he doesn't want to do something, it WON'T HAPPEN. No fuss, no muss: just won't happen.

Oh I totally get this.

not the content of the post, that should say.

Oh God, OP, had you fallen into an unfortunate timeslip? Tell your interlocutor that you take it in turns to henpeck one another.

You've just reminded me that my grandmother used to say that a whistling woman and a crowing hen brought bad luck -- I refrained from pointing out that her inability to whistle didn't seem to have done her any favours. (I introduced her to some lesbian friends when I was a student and the second they left, she grabbed my arm and said Where did they get the idea from? I said they saw it on TV.

@Merryoldgoat It’s a bit bizarre, isn’t it? If your partner doesn’t conform to some idiot’s dated concepts of ‘masculine’ behaviour, he’s assumed to be henpecked.

In their heads, a man MUST want to see naked ladies. Therefore, if he says he doesn’t, it MUST be because you’re controlling.

@Leighcloon

Oh God, OP, had you fallen into an unfortunate timeslip? Tell your interlocutor that you take it in turns to henpeck one another.

You've just reminded me that my grandmother used to say that a whistling woman and a crowing hen brought bad luck -- I refrained from pointing out that her inability to whistle didn't seem to have done her any favours. (I introduced her to some lesbian friends when I was a student and the second they left, she grabbed my arm and said Where did they get the idea from? I said they saw it on TV.

I just guffawed! Thank you! 😂😂😂

@MeSanniesareBrannies

What’s really funny is if you saw inside our relationship you’d hear nauseating pet names, consensus on important values and a lot of freedom for both.

It’s just easy - only other people want to imagine it’s not - confident women who don’t seem to ‘need’ their partner are something to be feared it seems.

Where did they get the idea from? I said they saw it on TV.

Literally the best thing I’ve ever read 🤣🤣