To not take DS to football

[Ellerehj]

My ex (DS dad) arranged for him to go to football every Saturday morning (without me agreeing but I said I'd take him anyway) he has him alternate weekends.

This Saturday DS said he's really tired and doesn't feel good. He just wants to stay home. So I made sure that's what he wanted and I agreed, we could stay home this week.

I messaged my ex to let him know. His response that I was a bad mother, I was ruining him and that I could expect a custody battle.

This is a total over reaction right? I know he has no rights to take DS away from me simply because he doesn't like me. But everytime he gets annoyed at me he threatens me with a custody battle 😳

How old is your ds?

@ThisIsStartingToBoreMe

How old is your ds?

6

Interested in peoples opinions here. I have the same situation but in reverse, my sons want to do football each week but my exH will do anything he can to not take them.

Yeah he's a twat. Why did you tell him? I'd keep communication to an absolute minimum with someone like that

I messaged my ex to let him know.

Why?

I have the same but in reverse, my exDH won’t take my DC to clubs that are on weekends so it’s either a full blown row every other week, or DC miss the clubs alternate weekends (at my expense)
I have learned from my experience at co-parenting now, to keep communication to an absolute minimum unless it’s essential stuff regarding your child and his welfare.
Don’t bother telling him you’re not taking him..it’s really none of his business. What YOU do on YOUR time with DS really is up to you..
And also - you won’t lose custody of your ds for missing one football practice, especially as it was ds choice not to go.

I wouldn't have mentioned anything to the ex.

I think he should have gone, it’s a team game and I don’t let my children pick and choose, you either commit or you don’t. I appreciate it’s difficult that you didn’t choose this but presumably your son did. If he was really ill then fair enough but it sounds like he played you.

I am also confused about why you bothered to text him - were you definitely not trying to wind him up?

I wouldn’t have told him, he’s your ex you don’t need his validation. If your DS was just tired I would have take him, it’s a team sport and it’s important to learn not to let people down when you’ve committed. But if he was unwell it’s fair enough. Your ex was out of order either way with his response though.

I think that it's a good thing to install in kids, even at an early age, that being part of a team means sometimes doing your bit even if you aren't feeling 100% or you're having a bad day.

It used to be incredibly annoying when parents would cry off at the last minute for no good reason and leave the rest of the team short - it's not fair on the other kids who do turn up. Often totally selfish and the opposite of what being in a team should be about.

Maybe your ex feels the same way (but is being an arse about it)?

That said, if he is pushing your son to play football when he really doesn't want to, that's just as bad, if not worse.

Op you did the right thing texting ex to say he wasnt going. You were avoiding a larger argument later in the week. However I would have encouraged ds to go to practise. Most kids are a bit grumbly going to Saturday morning training but fine when they get there. Def need a bit of parental enthusiasm to push them along.

I agree with pp, your son has committed to doing a team sport so should go every week unless poorly. I have 3 dc two do football. Its am absolutely pain some wknds and the last thing I want to do but they made a commitment and it does affect the rest of the team.

I think you should have taken him. However I also have no idea why you chose to text your ex telling him you weren't going

He’s 6! I doubt if he’s letting the team down. If he wasn’t feeling well he shouldn’t go; especially in these times. If he didn’t want to go, he shouldn’t need to go either. Maybe the ex chivied him along and he was quite enthusiastic, but now he’s seen the reality, he’s not so keen. Or perhaps in 2 weeks he’ll want to go again. I agree with others; don’t tell your ex more than the absolute minimum!

Unless properly poorly (eg notifiable disease) going to football in the fresh air would do him good, I'm with your ex. I let my kids pick their hobbies but they were expected to commit fully. Perhaps you not being that keen is being picked up by your son

Depends completely if this was a match and he plays for a team. Or training. ?

I do wonder if it was an activity that you arranged whether you would have encouraged him to go?

My children do a number of activities and when they're tired beforehand they always feel better for going. Unless he's doing loads of activities a week I would always take him unless he is actually unwell or he wants to quit the sport.

And also, who paid for the football, did you still have to pay even if he doesn't go?

If DS is tired and doesn’t want to play football, that’s fine. He’s SIX and probably got bullied by his dad into agreeing to the activity anyway. He didn’t’ “make a commitment that he should stick to” like some posters are sayng. He’s SIX. He got taken somewhere by his parents that he isn’t particularly keen on.

Depends. Is it a team with training etc.

Many children have to be corralled into getting up but then love their activities when they get there.

If he only goes half the time then he probably won't enjoy it as much.

But why did you tell your ex?

@ToykotoLosAngeles

I messaged my ex to let him know.

Why?

Because he wanted to come watch him

@Iwonderifiwonderwhy

If DS is tired and doesn’t want to play football, that’s fine. He’s SIX and probably got bullied by his dad into agreeing to the activity anyway. He didn’t’ “make a commitment that he should stick to” like some posters are sayng. He’s SIX. He got taken somewhere by his parents that he isn’t particularly keen on.

Either he wants to play football, in which case he has made a commitment to a team and needs to learn what that means (like anything else in life) or he doesn't and his Dad is forcing him into it, in which case he shouldn't be pushed to go at all.

Like the rest of us, you don't know which of these applies.

OK. So not only is the child not getting the exercise but he doesn't get to see his dad this weekend as well.

Is he ill or is he just tired? If he's actually ill then obviously shouldn't go. But if just a bit tired then no reason not to go.

It would depend for me, if it was an actual game he was being expected to go to then unless he was ill id of took him. If it was just training I would of let him stay off.

Either way, your ex is being ridiculous.

Did he start playing football because he wanted to or because ex wanted him to?

If he wanted to start playing I'd have encouraged him to go because otherwise he's letting his teammates down.