To think dog owners should be considerate when bringing their dogs to family events

[curiousgop]

I have a DS who is 3. We have no dogs but DS has been exposed to friends' dogs with careful supervision and is generally happy around them.

DPs sister (P) has a 7 month old puppy who is very very hyperactive, very interested in DS, probably because he's the only child he's met before.

P doesn't live at DPIL anymore, but is generally there approx 4 times a week (stops by after work 3x week without fail and usually round once at the weekend). Generally takes the puppy with her on the non working day.

We are suitably close with DPIL, and usually see them once every 2-3 weeks. They prefer us to go there as more space, and we're happy as get a nice cooked meal.

Often when we go to DPIL, P will come over to see us as well, which is generally fine as we get on well. However, it's become really stressful and hard work as now every time we go to see DPIL, P comes with the puppy who is literally all over DS. DS finds it upsetting being jumped up repeatedly, harassed when chilling out on the sofa etc. We are constantly (politely) getting the dog away from her. P does make some efforts, but I would say not enough. But I do acknowledge that a puppy is a puppy and will act like a puppy. P wouldn't, for example, put the puppy on another room or anything like that.

A few weeks ago, DH spoke to DPIL and said it would be nice to see them just us and them, as it would be good for DS to be able to relax (and to be honest, for us to relax). It appears to have fallen on deaf ears though as we are seeing them for the first time today in 7 weeks (all had covid in succession) and P is coming with the puppy.

DPIL seemingly don't want to rock the boat and say anything to P, and we don't feel able to ask her not to come to her own mums house. It's just annoying as she sees DPIL 4x a week, and we haven't seen them in 7 weeks. Would have been nice to be able to relax and not guard DS from being jumped on.

P thinks that the puppy is hyper but 'wouldn't hurt a fly'. Unfortunately I've seen 'wouldn't hurt a fly' dogs hurt people in the past so am of the view you can never truly trust a dog, especially with children.

So;

YABU: The dog is family and should be welcome at all family events.

YANBU: Its reasonable that on some occasions P either makes other arrangements for dog or doesn't come, as DS and us should be allowed some RELAXED quality time with DPIL.

Or something else? Talk to P about taking more responsibility for dog at meet ups? Invite DPIL here instead so we can have say over who comes (our place is a lot smaller but might have to start doing this)?

(A slightly separate AIBU but why does P always have to go when we go? She's there all the time, does DP not get any time with his DP without her?)

I honestly don’t think they can make plans with P without saying “But you can’t bring your dog” – if they invite her round and allow the dog, it blurs the boundary.

I’m glad you had an OK time, OP, and that DH is willing to draw a line in the sand.

Because she thinks the puppy is her baby, and has made reference to it being part of the family, so it would cause a big upset. Which we're keen to avoid. She would see her dog being excluded like a child being excluded.
That is quite, quite mad.

Dog owners should be considerate. Full Stop.

Sadly, many are not. And those that are not do not seem to have developed the bit of the brain that processes the idea that not everyone thinks their dog is wonderful.

There is little you can do except make sure you do not have to be around this dog. Your duty is to your child.