Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

New bf hiding me on tagged photos on Instragram

45 replies

ShinglesHell · 05/02/2022 21:02

Hi all, just a short one here, maybe more experienced Insta users will know the answer, though my spidey senses are telling me something is off. Been with bf since last autumn, I recently joined Instagram, more for work. They are a long time user & have a lot of followers there from their past life/work/country (they moved countries to UK). Anyway we went for a nice walk and he said he liked a scenic photo I took of him, I added this plus a few other just landscape pics to an Insta post & tagged him in it. None of us. Not couply at all or embarrassing caption just a hashtag describing landscape. Right away it showed up under his tagged photos page next to a few other tagged pics he had on there, however last night when I went to look it had gone from his profile though he hadnt detagged himself. Google led me to believe he may have gone on to select "hide this from my profile" ? As I say new to Instagram but seemed strange it was visible & then wasnt. Asked him in a calm way about it... he has got very defensive denied changing its visibility on his page, said he must have "pressed something by accident" 🤔 and is turning it around on me saying I dont trust him and imagining things. I honestly feel he wants to hide his association with me on there and that would be fine is he was a) honest & b) didnt try to make me think it was all in my head... hate that!! He is now acting funny with me. So people familiar with Instagram, if it showed up straight away to me, could he have got a notification after and pressed something by mistake or is he just gaslighting me? It is a small thing but it is just the lying I dont like, he has told a few (small, pointless) lies in past too...

OP posts:
Indoctro · 05/02/2022 21:24

Definitely not by mistake, you have to click three little dots at top of picture then scroll down to hide from my profile

He has hidden it on purpose but why , only he can tell you that.

billy1966 · 05/02/2022 21:27

Trust your gut.

He has form for lying.

Turning it back on you and gaslighting?

Dump.

Travis1 · 05/02/2022 21:46

It’s either a two or three step process. He’s lying

ShinglesHell · 05/02/2022 21:53

Thanks all, maybe he thought I would not notice being a newbie to Instagram! 😑 I did think that these may be the answers I would get, after all it would not have showed on his profile first off if he had set it to manually approve it first (that was one excuse he gave) I think he has def gone to the effort to select hide. If he had just had sorry I like to keep my page private or something instead of gaslighting 😏 Such a shame as he is amazing in so many other ways!! So annoying as it is a tiny thing to hide a pic & he didnt untag himself, why lie 🤦‍♀️ He is messaging me saying I am hurting him by not believing him...

OP posts:
BlackMagicWimpund · 05/02/2022 21:56

He’s talking shit. Trust your instincts OP - this guy doesn’t make you feel secure, comfortable or respected by the sound of it. Why on earth would you want a partner like that?! Get rid!

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 05/02/2022 22:00

he has got very defensive denied changing its visibility on his page, said he must have "pressed something by accident" 🤔 and is turning it around on me saying I dont trust him and imagining things

Guilty reaction, sorry. If it was innocent I'd have said something like "That's weird? Let's have a look" and pulled my phone out, or if I'd done it on purpose I'd say "Yeah, sorry but I don't like being tagged in photos" or whatever.

Sounds like there's someone who doesn't know about you.

MadMadMadamMim · 05/02/2022 22:05

I'm not an Instagram user, but based on what others are saying and the manipulative messages about how you are hurting him by not believing in him I'd end the relationship.

You don't actually need a reason. You don't need to be 'right' that he's hiding something. You just have to decide that his reaction combined with his past lies is enough and you are done.

Marmm · 05/02/2022 22:08

He's lying and he's lied before. This relationship has started off on a bad foot it's going nowhere good. I'd end it if I were you, don't let hum gey the satisfaction of thinking he's being really clever.

ShinglesHell · 05/02/2022 22:11

He also lied about his job to get with me I think 🤦‍♀️ said he only worked some nights in hospitality turns out he works most nights (my only child free nights) asked him why he wasnt upfront, he said his job changed after we started dating... and he had to step up as a manager... I looked on tripadvisor reviews from over a year ago saying what a great manager he is 🧐 I apparently got confused over this too and now we have to meet a lot in the working day disrupting my work / studies... He just "doesnt understand" how the pic went visible to not visible on Insta because he is get this "not a social media expert" RIGHTO

OP posts:
UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 05/02/2022 22:15

LTB. Why are you disrupting your studies to spend time with a liar?

Seafog · 05/02/2022 22:16

If he has a habit of lying, what else will he lie about?
You already know his defense is to turn it back at you, and imply you are crazy.
Is that a man worth investing your best in?

MadMadMadamMim · 05/02/2022 22:16

He works in hospitality and he's from another country?

My guess would be he has wife/gf in this other country to be frank.

Marmm · 05/02/2022 22:16

Don't disturb your studies. He's not worth it. No decent man would ask you to do that.

ShinglesHell · 05/02/2022 22:22

This messages are really making me see sense 🤦‍♀️ I am in the last year of a PhD which has been bloody hard starting from an access course as a single mum 8 years ago, final hurdle. #wordsoverboys (well liar boys 😑) just hate liars so much & especially turning it on someone else. I might be new to Instagram, but not stupid!! Deleted my Insta as was so upset/felt stupid 🤦‍♀️

OP posts:
RaspberryTed · 05/02/2022 22:25

Is he definitely working at night all those nights or could he be in a relationship with someone else and staying overnight with them?

Marmm · 05/02/2022 22:27

@ShinglesHell

This messages are really making me see sense 🤦‍♀️ I am in the last year of a PhD which has been bloody hard starting from an access course as a single mum 8 years ago, final hurdle. #wordsoverboys (well liar boys 😑) just hate liars so much & especially turning it on someone else. I might be new to Instagram, but not stupid!! Deleted my Insta as was so upset/felt stupid 🤦‍♀️
Hey don't feel stupid. It's usual to get blinded to it when you are in the midst of it.
ShinglesHell · 05/02/2022 22:29

I think he is telling the truth about his work (now) it is a well known restaurant & he often sends pics from there on nights he says he is working, I have also been to his flat lots and he is very casual about leaving his phone around or showing it if need to see maps driving etc.

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 05/02/2022 22:31

He’s a liar and a manipulator. Get rid. And good luck with your PhD, that’s awesome. You don’t need anyone disrupting that! Or messing with your head.

Next!

ShinglesHell · 05/02/2022 22:38

I said are you saying my feelings are not valid & he text me & said: No, I'm not saying that. I'm just saying that you should consider at the same time that I'm not lying. 😮 maybe he panicked and told a lie and now doesnt want to/feels cant come clean ... almost feel sorry for him! I am going to reactivate my shingles at this rate lol

OP posts:
ShinglesHell · 05/02/2022 22:38

@AtrociousCircumstance

He’s a liar and a manipulator. Get rid. And good luck with your PhD, that’s awesome. You don’t need anyone disrupting that! Or messing with your head.

Next!

Thank you ☺️
OP posts:
PorpoiseWithPurpose · 05/02/2022 23:14

Does he a wife in his home country?

PorpoiseWithPurpose · 05/02/2022 23:15

*have a wife

AnyFucker · 05/02/2022 23:17

So what are you going to do ?

firstfamhol · 05/02/2022 23:40

Have you tried asking him to “unhide” the pics he’s tagged in then, and see his reaction?! I mean it’s quite clear it’s a bit sketchy but just if you wanted to see what he says…

ShinglesHell · 05/02/2022 23:55

@PorpoiseWithPurpose

Does he a wife in his home country?
Unlikely, he lives here full time. He moved here two years ago with his gf from the same country but they broke up in 2020.
OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread