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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

New bf hiding me on tagged photos on Instragram

45 replies

ShinglesHell · 05/02/2022 21:02

Hi all, just a short one here, maybe more experienced Insta users will know the answer, though my spidey senses are telling me something is off. Been with bf since last autumn, I recently joined Instagram, more for work. They are a long time user & have a lot of followers there from their past life/work/country (they moved countries to UK). Anyway we went for a nice walk and he said he liked a scenic photo I took of him, I added this plus a few other just landscape pics to an Insta post & tagged him in it. None of us. Not couply at all or embarrassing caption just a hashtag describing landscape. Right away it showed up under his tagged photos page next to a few other tagged pics he had on there, however last night when I went to look it had gone from his profile though he hadnt detagged himself. Google led me to believe he may have gone on to select "hide this from my profile" ? As I say new to Instagram but seemed strange it was visible & then wasnt. Asked him in a calm way about it... he has got very defensive denied changing its visibility on his page, said he must have "pressed something by accident" 🤔 and is turning it around on me saying I dont trust him and imagining things. I honestly feel he wants to hide his association with me on there and that would be fine is he was a) honest & b) didnt try to make me think it was all in my head... hate that!! He is now acting funny with me. So people familiar with Instagram, if it showed up straight away to me, could he have got a notification after and pressed something by mistake or is he just gaslighting me? It is a small thing but it is just the lying I dont like, he has told a few (small, pointless) lies in past too...

OP posts:

Original poster

ShinglesHell · 05/02/2022 23:58

@AnyFucker

So what are you going to do ?

I sent him a youtube link re hiding insta pics to show I understand how it works, and he still says it was a mistake and he doesnt know how it happened & he will not explain himself to me anymore... I just feel like he is not being truthful so got the ick now & dont think can carry on with him!

OP posts:

Original poster

ShinglesHell · 06/02/2022 00:01

@firstfamhol

Have you tried asking him to “unhide” the pics he’s tagged in then, and see his reaction?! I mean it’s quite clear it’s a bit sketchy but just if you wanted to see what he says…

I cant ask him to unhide it as I deleted my Instagram after this drama (had not long joined, think weeks, so not much to lose) so the pic will be gone now 🤦‍♀️ Maybe my insta just wasnt cool enough for him to be linked to?

OP posts:

ChargingBuck · 06/02/2022 00:31

You've known him less than 5 months, he's got form for large & small previous lies, he is lying & weaselling now, as well as manipulating & guilt-tripping you.

He is now acting funny with me.

It's not worth the aggro. Fuck him off & go get your PhD :)

Sparklesocks · 06/02/2022 00:32

Properly dodgy. Drop the dead weight.

Pinkbonbon · 06/02/2022 00:36

If it was an innocent mistake then he would be like 'oh shit, I totally understand why you thought that, I'm sorry. What can I do to fix this?'

Not turning it round on you and making you the badsy and pressuring you to say you trust him.

It's not up to you to trust him
It's up to him to prove he can be trusted.

Unfortunately he has shown his true colours. He isn't a nice man.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 06/02/2022 00:43

I apparently got confused over this too and now we have to meet a lot in the working day disrupting my work / studies...

You don't 'have to', you are choosing to.

You're choosing someone you know lies to you over studying for a qualification you must have worked really fucking hard for and is an amazing accomplishment.

That indicates to me that perhaps your boundaries aren't robust enough right now for a relationship.

And that you maybe don't have the time for one at the moment anyway, until your studies are complete. You're spinning so many plates and something has to give. It can't be your kids, obviously. So you're making it your work / studies. Don't! Make it this liar. Make him the thing you cut loose.

Even you looking this up, starting a thread, finding a YouTube video etc etc is all emotional and time investment that you shouldn't be making!

Journeynotdestination · 06/02/2022 01:09

Too much drama - it would be an instant bin for me

ChargingBuck · 06/02/2022 01:30

You're choosing someone you know lies to you over studying for a qualification you must have worked really fucking hard for and is an amazing accomplishment.

Yup.
You deserve better than a liar.

Rainbowqueeen · 06/02/2022 01:34

Don’t fall into the trap of trying to get to the bottom of it with him. Why bother. Just end it then delete and block.
The ins and outs of it should make no difference. He is lying and you don’t like his behaviour. That’s enough.

MrsBerthaRochester · 06/02/2022 01:39

I had a similiar situation when I found out the guy I had been shagging for over two years wasnt in fact single. His partner tagged him in something on fb. Prior to that there was nothing on there to suggest he had a gf. No pics or anything.
Your man is a lying cheating twat. Get him to fuck.

Superhanz · 06/02/2022 04:23

You can see by your posts you're trying to think of excuses for him, we get it, obviously you're emotionally invested in this relationship and you don't want to end it so you're kidding yourself. But this is where you trust your gut, he's lying to you, he has form for lying, he's seeing/shagging other women - there's no doubt about that. As the pp said get him to fuck!

5keletor · 06/02/2022 04:34

I don't use Instagram, but his messages say it all, looking for sympathy and trying to make you feel bad. For whatever reason, he clearly did it on purpose.
It shouldn't be an issue to be linked to your Instagram either, even if it isn't cool, as you say. It's a relationship and be should be happy with you as you are.

roseotter · 06/02/2022 07:41

So many lies this early on, before things have got serious or hard? Definitely bin him

Original poster

ShinglesHell · 06/02/2022 09:14

Thanks for support everyone, I gave him one more chance to be honest & he just blew it with another manipulative reply... as other pp have said I have other priorities & his reaction even if it was a mistake says it all, so I have LTB!! 👋

OP posts:

UserBot9to5 · 06/02/2022 09:18

It's not a small thing.

He is going out of his way (even if it's an easy process) to eliminate anything from his profile that might make it look like he has a girlfriend).

If he is claiming to your face that he is your boyfriend and expecting commitment and fidelity etc from you, that move would turn me right off him.

He's more afraid that his insta followers might wonder if he has a girlfriend (that'd be awful than he is worried about losing you.

UserBot9to5 · 06/02/2022 09:19

@ShinglesHell

oh right! Your gut was right. Did he tell you you were craaaaaazy!

Journeynotdestination · 06/02/2022 09:21

Well done OP! You are worth SO much more!

girlmom21 · 06/02/2022 09:30

You've done the right thing!

Marmm · 06/02/2022 09:50

@ShinglesHell

Well done. The absolute arrogance of the shit that he thinks he can pull the wool over the eyes of someone as clever as you.

billy1966 · 06/02/2022 10:32

Well done OP.

People who don't listen to their gut invariably bitterly regret it.

You will be fine.

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