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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

If your neighbours dog was incessantly barking, what would help?

88 replies

Awkwardusername · 05/02/2022 10:52

Obviously it’s annoying, and a total pain for everyone involved, but our 10 month old dog will not shut up at night!

She’s doing it for attention and everything we’ve read basically says ignore it, which we’re trying, but we’re really worried about the neighbours! We only moved in a few months ago and although they’re all friendly etc, they’re all a lot older than us.

We have spoken to them a few times apologising but last night, the dog was on another level!

Is there anything that might help/pacify them a little?

(Please don’t lecture me about the dog by the way, we’re trying our best, and usually if it gets really bad my partner will go downstairs and sleep on the sofa with her but we need to get her back in the habit of sleeping in her crate by herself!)

OP posts:
Awkwardusername · 05/02/2022 11:08

@Elphame

How is the dog if you go out and leave it? Does she bark then as well?

Some breeds are very prone to separation anxiety and if you have one you may need professional help.

She’s not bothered at all, it’s only on a night!
OP posts:
DistrictCommissioner · 05/02/2022 11:11

If it’s only starting at 5am, does she need to be let out for the toilet??

MayThePawsBeWithYou · 05/02/2022 11:14

Why does she need to be alone in a crate, how does she go to the toilet. I would ket her sleep upstairs with you, she is lonely. Does she have a long walk before bedtime.

Awkwardusername · 05/02/2022 11:16

@DistrictCommissioner

If it’s only starting at 5am, does she need to be let out for the toilet??
Don’t think so, my partner gets up at about half two like clockwork for a wee so he lets her out at the same time!
OP posts:
Awkwardusername · 05/02/2022 11:17

@MayThePawsBeWithYou

Why does she need to be alone in a crate, how does she go to the toilet. I would ket her sleep upstairs with you, she is lonely. Does she have a long walk before bedtime.
She goes to the toilet before she goes to bed and then when my partner gets up in the night, so I don’t think it’s that!

Yep, long walk before bed, later than usual at the minute though as she’s in season so we’re swerving other dogs!

OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 05/02/2022 11:17

Are you planning on having her neutered?

FirewomanSam · 05/02/2022 11:21

I am both a dog owner (not a particularly barky one but he has his moments) and the neighbour of a very barky dog. I think communication is the best thing you can do. Keep checking with them to make sure they genuinely can’t hear her, and make it clear that you really do want to know if she’s bothering them.

I was going to say move her as far away from any shared walls as possible, especially from their bedrooms, but it sounds like you’ve already done that.

Be as generous and helpful as you can with other matters to maintain a good relationship and obviously, it’s helpful they make noise of their own from time to time that you can ‘let slide’ so there’s a bit of give and take!

But I second all the points about stopping the dog from barking in the first place. There’s nothing wrong with comforting her if she’s in distress and it’s been shown that ‘crying it out’ really isn’t all that helpful for dogs. If you don’t want her in your bedroom maybe you can sleep downstairs with her (all night, not just when the barking gets bad) for a few days until she feels more comfortable being alone again? A trainer would be able to help with this.

Confrontayshunme · 05/02/2022 11:23

I dread the weekends because my NDN lets her dog bark for 20 minutes alone every morning at 6ish at every night about 11pm. During the week I get up at 6 am just before him, but I loathe them both so much now and the only thing that would make it better is if she stops him barking. She doesn't even try to stop his alarm barking anymore, but it is the leaving him to bark that is SO annoying. You need to tell them exactly what steps you are doing to fix it, and promise that if they do not work in two weeks that you will revert to whatever it takes to stop him, even if that means YOU staying up all night with him saying shhhhh every time he starts.

VanGoghsDog · 05/02/2022 11:28

@twoladsnow

"VanGoghsDog

Is there anything that might help/pacify them a little?

Flowers?"

No. That just guilts the neighbours into not complaining and would only work for a short time

Which is exactly what the OP was asking!

thereisonlyoneofme · 05/02/2022 11:28

My dog starts getting excited at exactly 7.15 every morning. No idea what starts it as heating goes on at 6.30, no one next door goes out to work or makes a noise ! I end up getting up and she starts barking while I am getting my slippers and robe on and trying to get downstairs before she annoys the neighbours. I know 7.15 isnt particularly early unless its the weekend, havent been able to stop this. Its not needing a either.

Serenity45 · 05/02/2022 11:28

Our lab is 8 months old now and we tried to do the crate training thing as it seemed to be the 'right' way to go about it. Happy as Larry in it during the day, taking herself off for naps etc. Left in it in spacious kitchen overnight, and even with us setting alarms to go down every 3 hours ish to let her out (she was 3 months at the time) she was so distressed and anxious (howling / barking / crying) we couldn't continue. We gave it 2 weeks of being really firm and might have continued had we not gone on holiday.

We'd rented a dog friendly posh cabin which was essentially one massive room so pup was 'in with us' as nowhere to shut her away. It was a revelation. She slept through a good 8 hours every night, no mess inside and no anxiety (she is generally a very confident / social pup so not prone to being anxious).

When we got home we tried her in the kitchen again for a night or two...cut a long story short she happily sleeps in an open snuggly dog bed in our bedroom (we are lucky to have plenty of space for this). She knows she's not allowed on the bed, though will occasionally hop on in the morning if we aren't up. We all sleep better and I don't have the guilt.

Every dog is different and this works for us. Crate training is great as dogs may need to be crated at times e.g. at vets, but you don't have to slavishly follow what all the professionals say is the 'right' way (not saying you're doing this btw!). We have an enclosed carrier for car journeys that she's only just outgrown and was fine with, so it really was just being away from us overnight that was distressing. She doesn't have separation anxiety either - happily stays with family when we've been away on non dog friendly trips.

HappyDays40 · 05/02/2022 11:28

We tried leaving our dog downstairs and lasted 20 minutes it was a disaster and it kept waking our son.
He sleeps on the bed now either on the bed of ours or with our son

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 05/02/2022 11:40

Realistically, you have two options here, neither of which involve trying to pacify your neighbours.

1 - your DP sleeps downstairs all night and slowly starts to move away from the dog when she's happy to sleep all night with him there. So, that might involve sleeping all night on the sofa - then when she's happy with that, move to the hallway, then the room next door, then upstairs etc.

2 - move the dog upstairs and just let her sleep in with you. You can slowly move her crate away as she settles (if you really feel you need to) but this way, you at least get to sleep in your own bed!

Leaving your dog to whine and cry until it "gets really bad" isn't fair on the dog or your neighbours - and I guarantee they can hear more than they let on they can.

I say all of this as a dog owner with a dog that dislikes being left, so we've had to work really hard to help him settle by himself. It's restrictive and frustrating but it was my choice to get him, not my neighbours', so they shouldn't have to be woken up by his behaviour.

Our neighbours have a dog that is just left in the garden to bark and it's so frustrating as he sets everyone else's dogs off as well, but I'd hate to complain as I dislike confrontation and wouldn't want to get ostracised or to cause bad feeling, lol.

Booklover3 · 05/02/2022 11:48

When we crate trained we slept in the same room as her then transitioned from the room over a period of a few months… but a crates not every dogs cup of tea. Mine loves hers and takes herself off to bed when she feels like it.

Could something be happening outside at this time which is setting the dog off? Have you tried leaving a radio playing classical music in there with the dog? I only ask because it’s quite a specific time for the dog to start barking… or does the central heating kick in or something else you aren’t hearing but the dog is?

Brodi · 05/02/2022 11:49

Get a dog trainer and sort it out. If I was your neighbour I'd be really annoyed and that would be the only thing that would make any difference.

Booklover3 · 05/02/2022 11:51

^^ mines also a large dog. She’s a lab… and she’s had her first season already and we didn’t have any crying. She was more sleepy and seems more clumsy and prone to injuring herself when it’s her time.

maddening · 05/02/2022 11:53

Put a dog bed in your bedroom?

Winterautumn · 05/02/2022 11:55

Why not let her out the crate at 5 am when she’s crying/ barking and hopefully she’ll settle back down

NoSquirrels · 05/02/2022 11:55

If she stops barking and sleeps if your partner is with her on the sofa, then presumably she wouldn’t bark if with you upstairs? I’d try a dog bed in your room for a few nights and see. 10 months is teenage trying-it-on territory but also can be another fearful/anxious stage and unless there’s a really good reason you don’t want her upstairs at all I’d try giving her the company she wants.

nannybeach · 05/02/2022 11:56

Had exactly the same thing with our border collie, about the same age. She had happily been in a crate. Our vet said she was too young to sleep alone. We had 3 dogs who happily slept together in our utility room,then over the years,2 died,3rd, we've still got is a toy. Vet said either talk to the neighbours,grin and bear it,or let them sleep in our room. We went for this option, they have a bed each on the floor in our room. The toy, however, sleeps Inbetween us!

shouldistop · 05/02/2022 11:57

If you were my neighbour the only thing that would make it better would be for the dog to stop barking. Anything else would just piss me off.
Sorry, but you did ask.

Leonberger · 05/02/2022 11:59

None of my in season dogs have ever done this.
I do however let them sleep wherever they want, I wouldn’t like to not be able to move to somewhere cooler or warmer if I choose. I have giants and don’t mind them moving around!

Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 05/02/2022 12:02

We have ddogs. Ndn says they never hear them. A guest of theirs said they hear me though. Every word.
Blush
Your ndn is being lenient.. Your ddog is doing their heads in.

RealBecca · 05/02/2022 12:03

Genuine question as I've never had dogs. Why does she need a crate? Especially if she isnt having toileting accidents?

Winterautumn · 05/02/2022 17:06

Crates are used to help train pups, stop destroying things and toilet training. It can prevent injury. There are only need to be used now and again. I don’t think dogs need to be shut away at the other side of the house in a cage to sleep.

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