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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have loitered around with my dog?

73 replies

ShittyFingers · 05/02/2022 08:49

I live in an area where everybody has a dog, especially since lockdown.

There is a large pedestrianised walk starting from the side of my house - large grass verges on either side, trees, open spaces, no roads etc. unfortunately this attracts irresponsible dog owners who let their dogs off lead with no recall “to play”.

It’s been mentioned on the neighbourhood Facebook group loads of times asking people not to let their dogs off lead unless they have brilliant recall as not all dogs want to be approached. It has got slightly better in the last few months.
Anyway, my dog is reactive and nervous so never off lead in public. What I do like to do with her is take her out in this area, give her a longer lead (about 7 foot) and just let her sniff around the grass taking me wherever she wants to go for the first half hour of our walk. This often involves us going back and forth over certain areas as she picks up interesting smells.

This morning a woman was walking up with a dachshund and asked if my dog was friendly. I said she wasn’t so she looked disappointed and said “oh, it’s just that my dogs likes to be off lead” so I replied lightly “I think most dogs like to be off lead! But unless their recall is 100% it isn’t safe”. So she said “oh my dog is fine, he’s very friendly and just likes to play”. So I said “well a lot of dogs don’t like to be approached” … at this point my dog is showing a bit too much interest in her dog so I start moving on but still just milling around, in no rush. She then says loudly to her child “well, that’s our walk ruined! No point if he can’t go off and play”. They then turn and start walking back in the direction they came from!

Was I in the wrong?? I didn’t make much effort to leave the area but why should I?

OP posts:

vivainsomnia · 05/02/2022 10:27

At our secure dog park, it’s common courtesy that whatever dog is there first gets to do what they want
This is weird. So you have a queue system?

Why are so many people seeming unable to communicate unless they are unpleasant?

What's wrong with a 'hello' what's your dog's name. Will he be OK if my dog joi s him? And go from there?

One thing I love about being a dog owner is that it makes it really easy to speak to strangers with dogs. It feels natural to ask questions about their dogs you would ask about their child.

Yet on MN, every dog owner comes across as a threat and every situation that involves a dog an inevitable conflictual one.

Clymene · 05/02/2022 10:29

@Lazypuppy

Clymene

No dog has 100% recall, and i always put my dog on lead around other on lead dogs, there is usually a reason they are on lead.i wouldn't let him off even if his recall is brilliant as dogs like to greet other dogs.

Point is other dog waker couldn't just wait as OP said she wasn't leaving the area, so other dog walkers only choice was to leave. She wanted to let her dog off lead, asked OP who said her dog was reactive but thrn wouldn't leave so what else is the other dog walker supposed to do just stand there?

The other dog walker could have walked past with her dog and let it off further away. But she warted the OP's dog to play with hers

vivainsomnia · 05/02/2022 10:34

I said your dog should be on a lead I was not rude and we cannot out run her dog
I would have been annoyed with you too. If it was in an area where dogs are allowed to be off the lead, who are you to tell her to put hers on the lead. You are responsible for your dog. What if it was a kid who'd thrown the ball a but too close? Would you have told their parents to keep them on reins?

If she'd thrown it a bit too close by mistake, all you had to do was hold your dog closer. In all likelihood, the other dog would have picked its ball and run away.

You don't get to make the rules because your dog has an issue with socialising.

Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 05/02/2022 10:38

I was verbally chastised at 50 by a lady older than me for refusing to let my husky off lead to play with her spaniel. A lady joined in at my defence to say some huskies aren't great off lead... Further telling off I obviously didn't take her to any classes!! I avoid her now.
Yanbu op. Some ddog owners shouldn't have a ddog.

drinkingwineoutofamug · 05/02/2022 10:39

My dog is actually fine with most other dogs but he doesn't like it when other dogs bound over to him. So if he's off lead and there's a particularly boundy looking dog approaching, I put him back on lead. Generally the other owner does the same, we walk past one another, we take our dogs off lead again. All fine

^This

I mean mine was once the bouncy dog, think some dog owners need to remember that their perfect pooch was once a menace
to society at some point. Dogs are animals not fur babies.

godmum56 · 05/02/2022 10:39

@vivainsomnia

At our secure dog park, it’s common courtesy that whatever dog is there first gets to do what they want This is weird. So you have a queue system?

Why are so many people seeming unable to communicate unless they are unpleasant?

What's wrong with a 'hello' what's your dog's name. Will he be OK if my dog joi s him? And go from there?

One thing I love about being a dog owner is that it makes it really easy to speak to strangers with dogs. It feels natural to ask questions about their dogs you would ask about their child.

Yet on MN, every dog owner comes across as a threat and every situation that involves a dog an inevitable conflictual one.

no I get it. if I get to the walk area first and my dogs have good recall then I am ok to let them off lead. if someone arrives after me they should decide what to do on the basis that I am already there doing my thing. If I get there after someone else then I have to make my decisions on the basis of what I can see the other person doing. If they are wandering aimlessly with an on lead dog, I might think dammit but I certainly wouldn't say anything and it would be up to me to stay out of the way. Years of owning dogs and meeting other people's dogs has taught me that NO dog's recall is 100% or bullet proof. Police dogs have been known to be distracted and chase or kill a cat and so on. The only thing that ever made me eyeroll are the people who will hang around the entry to dog walking areas or hang around in the carpark, double eyeroll if they have let the dogs out of the car and off lead while they are still faffing with boots/phone and so on and not immediately moving away or imeddiately putting dogs back in the car.

SleepingStandingUp · 05/02/2022 10:44

@ShittyFingers

But what is it doing off lead if it has no recall? What if it saw a cat or something? And what if they come across another dog further up who doesn’t want to be approached?

She didn't say it didn't have good recall, she was just vague defending her choices to a stranger. It isn't your job to police her actions and remaining there just so she can't let it off lead it petty. You could have moved up a bit so she could have some space. However she was clearly being PA and surely could have taken the dog for a walk anyway and hoped you'd be gone once they got back

Original poster

ShittyFingers · 05/02/2022 10:48

There was loads of space for her to get past me, I did actually move further away from the path (towards the back of the grass verge) so she could get past us.

When I say grass verge btw … I’m talking about small “fields” of grass on either side … kids play football on them for example. Lots of space for my dog to have a long lead whilst being kept safe.

OP posts:

Leonberger · 05/02/2022 10:49

I don’t let my dogs play with others but I tend not to hang about too much if I can help it just to avoid situations like this!

If I see someone I recall, make a point of putting dogs on lead, walk past with a quick hello and then let them back off again.
I find if I’m moving I’m much less likely to be hassled!

Icantbelieveitsnotnutter · 05/02/2022 10:50

The woman sounds like an aggressive huffy spoilt child. She can let her dog off away from other dogs. You were correct.

vivainsomnia · 05/02/2022 10:50

if someone arrives after me they should decide what to do on the basis that I am already there doing my thing. If I get there after someone else then I have to make my decisions on the basis of what I can see the other person doing
Well where I live, we are friendly, say hello, and just ask about each others dog. Then again, reactive dogs are very minority. Maybe because they are brought up by friendly humans.

Etiquettes are clear different wherever you are, or it would seem decided by however consider that what they want and is best for their dog should any to all.

Original poster

ShittyFingers · 05/02/2022 10:51

@Leonberger

I don’t let my dogs play with others but I tend not to hang about too much if I can help it just to avoid situations like this!

If I see someone I recall, make a point of putting dogs on lead, walk past with a quick hello and then let them back off again.
I find if I’m moving I’m much less likely to be hassled!

Assuming you have Leonbergers from your name! Are they good off lead then? I’ve always been interested in them but mixed reports on how they are with regards to dog reactivity has put me off

OP posts:

GrandRapids · 05/02/2022 11:04

I would have just said look, if you let your dog off and it's comes gleefully bouncing up to mine, there's a good chance it's going to get bitten. I don't want that to happen and I'm sure you don't either. So probably best if you let your dog off further up the field. Have a nice walk!

MrsSkylerWhite · 05/02/2022 11:07

Sounds like glorified grass verges. Go to a park?

Natty13 · 05/02/2022 11:40

She is unreasonable, mostly because she said something passive aggressive (to a child!) that was clearly meant for you to hear instead of just saying something directly to you. People who do this are twats of the highest order.

liveforsummer · 05/02/2022 11:47

I’m just not sure why one or both of you couldn’t have moved so that her dog could have the space to be off lead and your dog had the space to sniff uninterrupted?

Given the woman's response I'd guess she knew her do go would run up to OP's unless totally out of sight

Keepingthingsinteresting · 05/02/2022 12:35

It isn’t difficult, off lead dogs shouldn’t approach on lead dogs- so if they can’t be trusted not to do that they should be put on the lead. Mine is friendly, just wants to play etc, but it was bloody annoying and led to some real problems and an injury when a Labrador smacked in to her. The other woman was unreasonable, she clearly knew hers would run up to yours so she was trying to make it your problem.

Leonberger · 05/02/2022 12:38

@ShittyFingers mine are perfect off lead, recall easily. They don’t wander off either.

I don’t really let them play with strangers dogs because I can’t be bothered with the fallout of mine squashes someone else’s. I also show so don’t want them seeing a dog and thinking it’s playtime in the ring.

They don’t react to other dogs and play nicely with friends much smaller dogs. I walk them through busy towns etc no problem.

My male can sometimes be a little bit grumbly with other entire males shoving their noses in his face but I think that’s more an entire male thing rather than a leonberger thing!

Palmfrond · 05/02/2022 19:44

The mumsnet threads on dogs never cease to amaze.
If you have a dog that’s nervous and reactive/aggressive, that’s your problem, for you to deal with.
Normal dogs like to greet and play.

OP, you say your dog has aggression in its breeding. Did you know this when you bought it? Are you a first time dog owner by any chance?

Clymene · 05/02/2022 19:53

@Palmfrond

The mumsnet threads on dogs never cease to amaze. If you have a dog that’s nervous and reactive/aggressive, that’s your problem, for you to deal with. Normal dogs like to greet and play.

OP, you say your dog has aggression in its breeding. Did you know this when you bought it? Are you a first time dog owner by any chance?

In the same way as having a child who isn't neurotypical, it would be really nice if other dog owners didn't behave like arseholes.

We went on a lovely long walk today. My occasionally reactive dog had a great time meeting other dogs on lead and off lead dogs ignored him.

It was beautiful and relaxing and fun.

I don't see what's so very difficult about this

Palmfrond · 05/02/2022 20:18

sigh
I guess it would be “in the same way” if your kid was;
a) a dog
b) was likely to bite chunks out of other, friendly dogs/kids

Coronawireless · 05/02/2022 20:20

@Lazypuppy

It is frustrating when a dog owner who is keeping dog on lead stays in the area where i could let my dog off. Theres nkt many areas for that, whereas an on lead dog can be walked anywhere, so i think you were a little unreasonable to not carry on walking.

Exactly. And if your dog is very nervous and unsocialised you should really seek out some behavioural advice and therapy.

VivX · 05/02/2022 21:25

What is the issue here with both of you?

You have your dog on a lead, which is best for your dog.
She takes her dog - that isn't on a lead - to another part of the area and lets it play somewhere not near your dog.

Why can't she have her dog off the lead, just because your dog is on the lead?
And why can't she simply just go to another part of the area?

And so both of you walk your dogs without going near each other.

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