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Original poster

How would a school deal with death of a former student?

86 replies

whatandthesky · 04/02/2022 19:05

Someone who left secondary school around 10 years ago has suddenly died, he went to the school from the start of year 7 all the way to sixth form. How would you expect the school who this person went to to handle their death. By that I mean should the school be informed and if told how would the school react? Would they send a representative to the funeral?

The person who has sadly passed away is not someone I know but someone a friend went to school with. I'm asking because my friend is wondering if she should let the school know about his death.

OP posts:
GlitchStitch · 04/02/2022 19:45

Like a pp I went to Catholic school and when I was in year 11 a student from at least 10 years prior died in quite a high profile event. It was announced in assembly, prayers were said and a few teachers went to the funeral.

x2boys · 04/02/2022 19:46

Ten years is quite a long time ,staff may have moved on or retired
If the school or his year group have a Facebook page/ group maybe somebody could inform them .

RG2468 · 04/02/2022 19:46

Dunno I’m 40 and my favourite teacher is now headteacher of my school! We keep in touch I think she’d come

PeakyBlender · 04/02/2022 19:48

No one would expect to be informed at my school unless it was a very recent pupil that currents pupils may know (year below for example)

canichange · 04/02/2022 19:51

Nothing. My sister died aged 24 (illness), so 6 years after she left the sixth form. I was at the school at the time and nothing was done officially by the school. One teacher wrote a personal card of condolence to my family. She taught me and my two sisters for several years so got to know my parents quite well and it was definitely a personal note rather than anything on behalf of the school.

PinkSyCo · 04/02/2022 19:52

Teachers would hardly remember a pupil who left 10 years ago would they? In any case if there was any informing to be done it’d be up to the deceased’s family to do it not your friend.

Tickledtrout · 04/02/2022 19:53

@Random789

I think your friend should tell the school if it is something that feels right for her. Someone (one of his former schoolfriends I think) let my son's former school know about his death, which happened seven years after he left. The school sent us a card and I know that some individual teachers who remembered him would have valued being informed.

But above all, it is about what your friend needs. Perhaps the school doesn't need to know, but if she needs to tell them, they will want to hear her.

Absolutely spot on . Sorry for your loss @Random789
bigbluebus · 04/02/2022 19:54

When my DD died at the age of 22, I didn't inform her school but I did contact an individual staff member and ask her to advise anyone she thought would like to know. DD went to an SEN school until she was 19 so relationships with staff were different to those in mainstream. A number of her ex TA's and her last teacher came to the funeral and gathering afterwards.

RedWingBoots · 04/02/2022 19:55

It depends.

I know from family and friends deaths if the dead person or their family still have current links to the school e.g. teacher lives down the road they know, the deceased went into the school to help out, the deceased fund raised for the school then the school should be told.

They also be told if there is an alumni association.

If they have no current links and no alumni then no the school shouldn't be told.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 04/02/2022 19:56

For RC schools, it's possible - if nothing else, they would be likely to add their name in a book held in their chapel or parish church and ensure that they were included in prayers during Mass.

Other schools, it depends. I think that, sad though it is, the best way is to tell them but not expect a response one way or the other.

Cuck00soup · 04/02/2022 20:00

A family member died unexpectedly in his early twenties and lots of his school friends came to his funeral, but no one from school.

On the other hand DD's primary has a bench to remember two former pupils who were around 13/14 when they died.
In that case I there were still a number of children who had known them (small village school)?

cheeseismydownfall · 04/02/2022 20:01

Sadly this happened at DD's secondary this week. News about his death was included in the weekly newsletter, along with the usual thoughtful remarks and also a link to the GoFundMe. The young man was still at university though - perhaps the fact he was still in education makes a difference. The school's reaction seemed appropriate.

ImInStealthMode · 04/02/2022 20:02

@whatandthesky

The school friend went to always announces when a former member of staff has died as she follows the school on Facebook, so friend thought they might do the same for a former pupil.
With respect, a teacher who'd been at the school for say 10 years would have been known by all the staff and potentially thousands of students.

A student who attended for 5(?) years would be known by a handful of staff, some of whom will have moved on and some students who have also long left.

I'm very sorry for your friend's loss but I don't think telling their school is required, or even appropriate.

erinaceus · 04/02/2022 20:03

I think that it really depends on the deceased and their relationship with their school. Overall though I agree with @Random789's comment But above all, it is about what your friend needs. Perhaps the school doesn't need to know, but if she needs to tell them, they will want to hear her.

I think it's appropriate to let the school know - perhaps via the alumni association - but not reasonable to expect anything particular out of it.

hiredandsqueak · 04/02/2022 20:06

Ds's best friend died a couple of years after he left secondary school. The HT and a couple of members of staff attended his funeral and he was mentioned in the school newsletter. He was such a well liked young man and his friends who had left school just two years previously gave eulogies so the school offered their support to past and present pupils affected by his death. I think ten years afterwards might mean there may well be very few who remember him.

Hellocatshome · 04/02/2022 20:09

It wouldn't harm to inform the school, its not as if they would turn round and say "why are you telling us we don't care" They will decide what they do with the information, at the school I went to it would probably get a paragraph in the newsletter and if any teacher had a particular interest in going to the funeral that would be up to them to organise.

collieresponder88 · 04/02/2022 20:11

No that's too long after he left they wouldn't do anything as he wasn't known to any of the pupils there now

Hillwalker1 · 04/02/2022 20:12

Their name and story would be recorded in the school chapel

CaMePlaitPas · 04/02/2022 20:20

This is weird OP. I wouldn't expect the school to do anything unless maybe he's left a substantial amount of money to the school so they can invest in the library or IT systems etc.

If he was a current student that'd be different but he went to school over 10 years ago? That's just the funny game we call life unfortunately.

I'm sorry for your loss.

CaMePlaitPas · 04/02/2022 20:22

@Hillwalker1

Their name and story would be recorded in the school chapel
Good point, that actually reminds me, if they were an outstanding student and they died of a long illness for example then in my old Catholic school they would offer a Mass in their memory.
toomuchicecream · 04/02/2022 20:24

When DS was about 22 he heard that a boy who’d been at his school for year 10 and 11 had died suddenly. I was so impressed by the way DS and his friends organised themselves to let their dispersed group of school mates know, that I mentioned it to a parent Governor when I bumped into her at the supermarket that weekend. I asked her to let the school know how mature, sensible and sensitive the boys had been as that was in no small part due to values they had learnt at the school.

Much to my surprise I had a call from the Head’s PA on the Monday morning to say it had been announced at the staff briefing and teachers who remembered him had asked when the funeral was as they would like to attend. The family had moved a good 1.5 hours drive away by then so I don’t know how many made it, but I know the Head attended as DS was hugely amused at having given him a lift between service and wake. The boy was only at the school two years.

So I say drop the school an email so they. An decide what to do with the information.

PAFMO · 04/02/2022 20:24

At my school we lost a student who had just finished exams prior to university. As he was still so closely linked to the school the teachers who had taught him went to the funeral and a little tree was planted in the yard.
Another ex student who left about 5 years ago died at Christmas but beyond a few people saying "wasn't she in your Maths group" etc, no "official" acknowledgment was made.

Spikeyball · 04/02/2022 20:24

Generally the school wouldn't do anything with that information but over the years I have come across obituaries of former pupils and when I do, I think of them and remember them.

Sh05 · 04/02/2022 20:29

My son's college put a Facebook anouncement on their school page. It was a lovely message mentioning some of the deceased students many accomplishments whilst he was at the school and a note of when the funeral was with an open invite to any of his former classmates and friends/ teachers from the family.
The family had also given them details of a charity they were supporting in his name so this link was included.
The young man had left the school/ college 8 years ago so wasn't someone my son knew but there must have been others who did know him.

OpheliaTrousersnake · 04/02/2022 20:30

@StrictlyAFemaleFemale

Was this person a member of the alumni organisation? That would be an appropriate body to inform but presumably his next of kin would take on that task.
This.
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