Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect a better response from my manager?

107 replies

secretsofthesun · 04/02/2022 17:43

Primary school teacher here. Yesterday one of my students hurt me to the point that I had to leave school and go to A&E. This is the third time the child has been violent towards me - the first two times were minor in comparison, but after this I've had enough.

Spoken to my head as I no longer feel safe with the child in my class and they have said that the child is fine to remain with me and that I need to find better ways to handle them. I've asked for suggestions for ways to handle them as I'm already following the behaviour policy and the child's specific behaviour plan and been told I "should know what to do". AIBU to expect a better response? This is my second year teaching and first year with a child like this so I'm not sure if I'm expected to suck it up as part of the job.

OP posts:
student26 · 04/02/2022 18:26

Primary teacher here too. Can’t believe some of the comments!
Make sure you contact your union. You absolutely should not be putting up with this. It’s bad enough it happened the first and second time but the third? And especially you visiting A and E too! Your line manager should absolutely be supporting you. This should not be normal in teaching. There should be guidelines in place that you seem to be following but since they are not working, they need to be looked at again.
As for some posters commenting on what sort of harm a primary child can do to you…? Have some of you seen the size of some Y5/Y6 (P6/7) pupils? I’m only small and some pupils in my ten plus years of teaching have been quite intimidating! Hope you manage to get some help OP!

HelloPanda12 · 04/02/2022 18:30

Don’t underestimate primary school children. A friend of mine told me about a young boy she was doing 1-1 with who had hit a teacher over the head with a laptop and split her head open. Luckily the school had a more professional way of handling the situation, your head seems like he or she isn’t bothered OP and it isn’t right for you to have to be wary in your own classroom.

angstridden2 · 04/02/2022 18:30

What weird responses. Have any of the posters expressing surprise/disbelief about a primary aged child causing injury and suggesting that the teacher identify trigger points,de escalate the situation and help the child regulate their emotions actually tried doing this with 29 + other small children in the room unless this pupil has a 1 : 1 allthe time. Not to mention the concerns about defending herself or restraint with the all too real possibility of her response being deemed inappropriate. It’s a horrible feeling to go in every day and anticipate a child kicking off and causing injury to other pupils or staff. It’s so much easier for poorly functioning SLT to put it back on to the teacher.

autienotnaughty · 04/02/2022 18:32

@Bizawit

This is a primary school child making you feel unsafe and putting you in A&E? I think I’d find it more understandable if they were an older kid..
Ridiculous statement it's not like she can fight back.
cansu · 04/02/2022 18:32

Put your concerns in writing.
Speak to your union and find out what the school should be doing.
It is unacceptable to not be providing extra help or advice.
They are also leaving themselves wide open to legal action should the child injure you or someone else again. It is really important to get everything in writing.

AutomaticMoon · 04/02/2022 18:34

@ooherrmissus14

Children who have suffered trauma can be very volatile and can be very aggressive. When they are emotionally dysregulated they can be very aggressive and it's surprising how strong they can be. Although we can understand this, it doesn't change that you're getting hurt. Really hope you're ok OP X
The UK doesn’t want to even accept the existence of cPTSD survivors. I think people just don’t want to accept that perhaps their upbringing was traumatic. They think it’s easier to just not think about, meanwhile society is in a race to the bottom.
Rainallnight · 04/02/2022 18:36

My DD can be violent towards me (adopted, bit of trauma etc) but thankfully not in school. However, if she WAS violent in school, I’d be extremely concerned and would want to work with you and the SENCO to come up with a plan. What’s the story with the parents?

titbumwillypoo · 04/02/2022 18:37

SamphiretheStickerist I asked the questions because they're relevant to giving useful advice.
FawnFrenchieMum I conflated the two years teaching with the year 2 comment below it (my bad)

AutomaticMoon · 04/02/2022 18:37

@HelloPanda12

Don’t underestimate primary school children. A friend of mine told me about a young boy she was doing 1-1 with who had hit a teacher over the head with a laptop and split her head open. Luckily the school had a more professional way of handling the situation, your head seems like he or she isn’t bothered OP and it isn’t right for you to have to be wary in your own classroom.
Frightening. Humans have impulse control in the brain (most) but this only finishes development in our 20s! So children can be v dangerous indeed as there’s no impulse control. It’s like with psychotic people becoming super strong because there’s nothing holding you back from using full force, ITMS.
ChristmasPlanning · 04/02/2022 18:37

Shocking OP that your HT is not supporting you. I'm not a teacher but agree your union is a good next step.

TheFallenMadonna · 04/02/2022 18:38

Sending a child home is a suspension (fixed term exclusion) which is why the Head is reluctant. Do contact your union. Do ask for a risk assesment to be made if that is not part of the behaviour plan, write a report on the incident detailing how you followed the recommendations of the behaviour plan and what happened as a result, and ask for the behaviour plan to be updated. Do you have a mentor as you are only in your second year?

annonymousse · 04/02/2022 18:40

My daughter is a primary school teacher. She has been bitten and kicked and regularly has to evacuate her classroom due to the behaviour of one child. Small child but strong and difficult to restrain and she has bruises from that child every week.

AutomaticMoon · 04/02/2022 18:42

@secretsofthesun

Primary-aged children can be shockingly violent at times... I don't want to be specific as to avoid being too identifying (not that I imagine many teachers went to A&E yesterday, but still).

I think the child would benefit from a 1:1 TA and potentially a reduced timetable. They are usually triggered by not getting their own way and having to do work (which is essentially multiple times everyday. SENCO is involved but there is no diagnosed need. At a minimum I think the child needs to be either internally excluded or sent home on the days they are extremely violent as they are not safe to be around other children. Essentially every other adult in school aside from the head thinks they should go home on these days, but the head always disagrees.

I plan on going to my union on Monday, but my head seems to act like everything's fine so I wasn't sure if I was in the wrong by wanting more done. I appreciate the reassurance on here.

It’s extremely demoralising to not have appropriate support from managers. I had this after being sexually harassed and verbally abused at work and it really triggered a mental breakdown but I already had cPTSD. Please look after your health, OP, as it doesn’t seem to be a concern of your head teacher.
Smileyaxolotl1 · 04/02/2022 18:42

Sorry you are going through this OP.
I find it fascinating how different primaries are to secondary.
I can assure you that if I was assaulted by a secondary school child in my job to the extent that a hospital visit was required it would be highly unlikely that the child would remain in the school and if they did I would definitely never have to teach them again. (As a far milder example I was told I could refuse to teach a girl who had set up a nasty social media account about me)
I find it absolutely disgusting and shocking what primary school teachers (and the children who share classes with these types of pupils) are expected to endure.

AutomaticMoon · 04/02/2022 18:45

@annonymousse

My daughter is a primary school teacher. She has been bitten and kicked and regularly has to evacuate her classroom due to the behaviour of one child. Small child but strong and difficult to restrain and she has bruises from that child every week.
That’s an idea, OP. Can you evacuate the rest of class and move to another room? This was actually done to me in school but I wasn’t abusive, the teacher was the abusive one in my case. But it’s a way to exclude the child from class when they’re violent. I think your union should help you get a plan in place.
Suzi888 · 04/02/2022 18:48

@Bizawit

This is a primary school child making you feel unsafe and putting you in A&E? I think I’d find it more understandable if they were an older kid..
Why? You can’t just punch them in the face can you! You have to sit there and take it. You can’t put one finger on them.

What a ridiculous comment.

YANBU OP.

C152 · 04/02/2022 18:51

YANBU at all but, unfortunately, you'll come against this sort of attitude a lot. Have you joined the Teacher's Union and asked for their advice?

SomethingSuss · 04/02/2022 18:53

@Bizawit

This is a primary school child making you feel unsafe and putting you in A&E? I think I’d find it more understandable if they were an older kid..
You ever had a chair flung at you? Or a flipped table almost break your knee? A primary aged child may lack the strength to, for example, punch hard enough to require medical attention but flipped or thrown objects are very dangerous.
HackAttack · 04/02/2022 18:56

I will say this on a flip side, my 8 year old, who does have diagnosed needs, had a wonderful year last year, never aggressive at home, had had a number of major meltdowns this year which have included throwing chairs because of his teachers refusal to work with him how his teacher did the previous year.

The teacher is the problem, not him, after extensive challenge from the Ed psych and me he is settled again but he was not at fault for what happened.

Cherrybomb197 · 04/02/2022 18:59

Cannot believe some of the responses on here. If a
Child is violent enough that a teacher has ended up in A&E: then clearly the teacher should not need to “put up” with it. The child clearly needs some support

Teaforme123 · 04/02/2022 19:01

@HackAttack

I will say this on a flip side, my 8 year old, who does have diagnosed needs, had a wonderful year last year, never aggressive at home, had had a number of major meltdowns this year which have included throwing chairs because of his teachers refusal to work with him how his teacher did the previous year.

The teacher is the problem, not him, after extensive challenge from the Ed psych and me he is settled again but he was not at fault for what happened.

Are you for real?! So absolutely not his fault he chucked chairs about?! Jeeeeeeeesus!
HackAttack · 04/02/2022 19:04

He is an 8 year old child with serious additional needs so, yes, it was not his fault that when he was shouted at for crying out due to bullying witnessed by others you are damn right he was not at fault.

HackAttack · 04/02/2022 19:07

Although for the record, I still put in agreed consequences including completing all of his work, no devices and apologising to the people who wholeheartedly did not deserve it

Velvian · 04/02/2022 19:09

Yanbu op. My primary school DD is taller than her teacher and she is not the only one.

titbumwillypoo · 04/02/2022 19:10

Suzi888 "You have to sit there and take it. You can’t put one finger on them." Well actually you don't have to sit there and take it and any child being violent can be restrained if it meets the legal threshold of reasonable, proportional or necessary. That's why I asked about her about what training she'd had.