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AIBU?

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Original poster

To still care about bitch from school

69 replies

Redladybugz · 04/02/2022 16:29

Ok so I feel like a child caring about this but it gets my goat!

So… queen bee at school (right the way from primary through to 6th form)… she was always popular and very beautiful (on the outside). Spent much of her time bullying others because she thought she was better than everyone else. I feel much if the self esteem issues I have now as an adult come from this girls bullying and making me feel ugly (I’m not really ugly at all and never have been but she was always quite striking and knew it). She was more accepting of me in years 10/11 but before this just nasty and horrible. At times I gave it back because I wouldn’t put up with her and had enough. But because we sort of put our issues to one side by the end of school and had some mutual friends, I just felt that as adults we should surely just be civil if we bumped into each other locally? Few years ago I added her on social media and she declined it. Still clearly thinks she’s better than me. Then I frequently and annoyingly always seem to be where she is! She always ignores me. If she was nice I would be too but what have I actually done wrong to make her think so little of me?! She still has the power to make me feel worthless, like she always did. It sounds really immature of me to care but I obviously care for a reason. This girl has caused a lot of my self esteem issues. Annoyingly she has landed entirely on her feet. Perfect life and family and married a very wealthy man. She wants for nothing and hasn’t had to work a day in her life. Why do bullies seem to land on their feet?!

OP posts:
FangsForTheMemory · 04/02/2022 17:48

Stop trying to get her approval. You won't succeed and you're only enabling her to hurt you further.

Parky04 · 04/02/2022 17:52

My school bully didn't land on their feet. Passed their driving test at 17, crashed car 2 weeks later (70mph in a 40mph zone) and died.

whiteworldgettingwhiter · 04/02/2022 18:15

Why did you want her on your social media? Confused

Counselling might be useful to help you move on from this woman and leave her in the playground where she belongs.

VioletOcean · 04/02/2022 18:30

Her seemingly perfect life might very well not be and could be inside your head.

Treecreature · 04/02/2022 18:50

My school bully turned into a smack rat, overdosed and died. Once he died I realised what a pathetic and miserable piece of shit he was. Don't give her headspace, she's probably a pathetic miserable piece of turd too.

WindyState · 04/02/2022 18:53

Why the fuck are you trying to keep in touch with your school bully?

Some people are arseholes, the way to deal with them is to cut them out of your life, not sending them friend requests.

DorothyZbornakIsAQueen · 04/02/2022 19:00

You are giving this person way too much headspace.

You are the only one giving her 'power' over you.

Just let it go.

Mamamia7962 · 04/02/2022 19:06

You have no idea what her life is like. Her husband could be a controlling bully or a gambler, she may want children and not be able to conceive, she may suffer from depression, she could be an alcoholic, Maybe she was a bully at school because she had an unhappy home life.

Stop thinking her life is perfect when it could be anything but. I agree with a pp, she is probably ashamed now that she was a bully and doesn't want to be reminded of it and that's why she doesn't want to be friends.

DrSbaitso · 04/02/2022 19:32

@Treecreature

My school bully turned into a smack rat, overdosed and died. Once he died I realised what a pathetic and miserable piece of shit he was. Don't give her headspace, she's probably a pathetic miserable piece of turd too.
Why didn't you realise while he was alive?
Original poster
Redladybugz · 04/02/2022 19:50

Thankyou all for a stern talking to!

A few asked why I added her on SM. Tbh initially it was because she popped up and the last interactions I’d had with her in later school years were positive (we’d sort of grown up really and got on ok). So I just thought she’d be ok with it. Or I wouldn’t have added her! After I just felt like a dick for trying.

When I think of self esteem issues I have they definitely stem from her. But I don’t think about her all the time I just bumped into her recently and it brought it all back.

For the poster who said she’s done nothing wrong… well no. She hasn’t recently but she did at school and bullies literally ruin people for life. It makes me angry and yes I sort of hope she will get her karma.

OP posts:
Treecreature · 04/02/2022 19:50

@DrSbaitso Benefit of hindsight. As I young teenager I didn't understand how bullies work. I didn't see his struggles behind the scenes, or realise how desperate his life was. Once he died, and I found out how miserable his life was I understood why he lashed out. When I understood, he didn't seem so scary or intimidating.

StoneofDestiny · 04/02/2022 19:51

Your sense of worth shouldn't come from your old school bully validating you (or not) as an adult. Why would you care what she thinks about you. I wouldn't give her a second more time in your head

Exactly- she has no power over you, other than what you give her

WowIlikereallyhateyou · 04/02/2022 19:53

@WheelieBinPrincess

You really have no idea if she has a ‘perfect life’ and you are bonkers to be still giving it this much headspace. Stop trying to stalk her on social media and do some work on yourself.
This ^^
DrSbaitso · 04/02/2022 19:54

@Redladybugz

Thankyou all for a stern talking to!

A few asked why I added her on SM. Tbh initially it was because she popped up and the last interactions I’d had with her in later school years were positive (we’d sort of grown up really and got on ok). So I just thought she’d be ok with it. Or I wouldn’t have added her! After I just felt like a dick for trying.

When I think of self esteem issues I have they definitely stem from her. But I don’t think about her all the time I just bumped into her recently and it brought it all back.

For the poster who said she’s done nothing wrong… well no. She hasn’t recently but she did at school and bullies literally ruin people for life. It makes me angry and yes I sort of hope she will get her karma.

Whether she will or not must not be the point on which your own life and self esteem rests.

She was a kid. That doesn't mean you have no right to be damaged by it but children do not have the emotional intelligence or maturity to understand how to handle their own demons. She stopped doing it as she grew up. She's engaging now only with people she has a real connection with and you should do the same.

Seafog · 04/02/2022 20:02

Self esteem comes from you, no one else. No one can take it, or give it to you.
If we could, every one of us would build our children's self esteem. But we can't, they have to build it for themselves, and defend it for themselves.
You need to figure out why you felt not enough, ask yourself if you feel this way still, and see what you can do for you to fix it.
She isn't even in the equation.

WorriedGiraffe · 04/02/2022 20:06

You sound too invested in her. And as she doesn’t even acknowledge you how could you possibly no what her life is actually like? It may not be that she thinks she’s better than you, but you are a random person she went to school with years ago, why should she have you on her social media and make an effort to acknowledge you? You are a stranger to her now. Move on.

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 04/02/2022 20:16

Maybe she’s embarrassed.

Really, if just let it go. Don’t waste your life feeling like this.

MrsTerryPratchett · 04/02/2022 20:22

She hasn’t recently but she did at school and bullies literally ruin people for life.

Only if we let them. You need to live your life, manage your feelings, get help of you need it.

You're giving away your power. She's not taking it.

Notimeforaname · 04/02/2022 20:27

She still has the power to make me feel worthless, like she always did

You are giving her the power.

Notimeforaname · 04/02/2022 20:28

For the poster who said she’s done nothing wrong… well no. She hasn’t recently but she did at school and bullies literally ruin people for life. It makes me angry and yes I sort of hope she will get her karma

Itll be a very long,boring, bitter life thinking like this.

PickledOnionSandwich · 04/02/2022 20:32

They don’t always land on their feet. My school bully died in her early thirties from cancer. That girl tormented me daily for 5 years and whilst I don’t feel she deserved it, I certainly don’t feel sad for her. I’m still here living my life and she…isn’t. Ah well 🤷‍♀️

Kuachui · 04/02/2022 20:34

to be fair, she may have declined you because she knows she was a bitch. she may be too embarrassed to add or apologise. its wrong but thats how it is. she should really have apologised but plenty dont

Ileflottante · 04/02/2022 20:40

Stop trying to make her like you.

She won’t, and even if she did, it won’t make you suddenly feel valuable. You are valuable. Stop stalking her life online, no good can come from that. It won’t be a true representation anyway. She was a bitch to you as a kid, stop trying to give her a chance to be a bitch to you as an adult.

3scape · 04/02/2022 20:43

You said you gave back sometimes. Maybe she remembers you as the bully and is oblivious to being a bullying bitch herself? Perhaps she's just avoiding someone she remembers as mean to her.

Either way, i don't even bother blocking the bully in my life. She sent me a tedious message once about her BBC / champagne sucking/ house flipping lifestyle but - surprise surprise she was after money for some self serving charity trip Hmm i didn't even bother responding to her. Ignore ignore ignore, get on with your own life and don't give her headspace.

Toottooot · 04/02/2022 21:07

She probably thinks you’re stalking her. Never friends with her, yet you try to add her on social media and you say you always seem to be where she is. No wonder she ignores you.

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