To think the phrase "a wife runs a home" is backwards thinking?

[Onlyrainbows]

I was talking to someone and then they mentioned "a wife runs a home" and it got me thinking, I would never think of it that way, a couple should run a home with an appropriate division of tasks/responsibilities within the home. Especially if both work.

Hand up - I run our home.

My OH pays all the bills. He does more cleaning than me. But I carry the full mental load. I hate it but it's how it's worked out and the only way I can see it changing is it we broke up but I don't want to as otherwise we're very functional.

Tbh, most households I know, in reality, are run by women (when it comes to mental load).

You know the lady said she was "a bit insulted and didn't need to be so rude" because I didn't agree with her. I also mentioned that if I work long hours (longer than my husband's) then obviously we both run our home (as best as we can).

I would never disagree about the mental.load, it literally never stops!

@Aderyn21
Your daughter will be fine. Mine is in her twenties, has worked in part time jobs since she left school and is on the cusp of getting a degree in a field she loves. She has an great work ethic, has no plans for children and has refused to live with her boyfriend when her current tenancy ends because he hasn't learned to cook properly and takes his laundry home for his Mum. So instead she's going to continue sharing with her friends because they clean up and cook better food.
She's seen me work but I've been a SAHM for a long time now. My husband works away and with the best will in the world it's impossible to share any kind of load with someone who isn't home to do the work. I was miserable trying to do it all and felt I'd lost my identity.

Thanks mizzo. My dd never willingly cleans or tidies anything, so in all honesty I can't see her taking on too much of the mental load!

@Onlyrainbows

I was talking to someone and then they mentioned "a wife runs a home" and it got me thinking, I would never think of it that way, a couple should run a home with an appropriate division of tasks/responsibilities within the home. Especially if both work.

How do they think homes ‘run’ when their isn’t a wife/woman there?

Badly, probably

 @Aderyn21

Well it's true isn't it. Often (usually?) it's the wife who organizes everything in the home, and actually does almost everything herself. The difference is that these days we query it, especially if the dw works as well. It's not ideal, but it seems to be inherent in a man's DNA that he doesn't think housework is any of his responsibility.

But they basically do. And these days work full time as well.

Men who do their fair share of child admin, housework and life admin are extremely scarce. Just look at any thread on here with a knackered girlfriend or wife bemoaning what an utter manchild she reproduced with.

Full time working women are doing the same as housewives. Usually for men who don’t respect them to clean up their own skid marks or remember that it is world book day. This is the usual set up in most British homes.

The idea is outdated, but IME the woman definitely runs the home. There are loads of references on here to 'the mental load ' . While the male partner might 'help' , the woman carries the burden.
Depressing but true.

Even in lesbian relationships, one partner tends to take an unfair share of wifework. It requires conscious effort to keep it fair.

I'd say it's traditional and it makes sense in lots of ways, especially where children are involved. A mother at home nurturing children and keeping the home, which is a full-time job, whilst the man works for the living for the home is a deal that can work well.

There will be variations to this which work, and this should not be expected of everyone, but that’s not to say it isn't the norm or shouldn’t be the norm.

There's nothing wrong with a wife running a home. I'm happy to run my home. My husband also runs the home but not to the extent I do. Some things I do, some he does. He earns the household income. I earn some household income but he pays the bills. I make the meals, clean and tidy the home, and I wouldn't want it any other way because this is what works for us.

And for whatever reason it works for many couples today and worked for most couples in the past.

@DoubleYouOhEmAyEn

The idea is outdated, but IME the woman definitely runs the home. There are loads of references on here to 'the mental load ' . While the male partner might 'help' , the woman carries the burden. Depressing but true.

Everyone keeps saying "it's outdated" but what do they mean? It's clearly not outdated. It's clearly still relevant. There's also not much wrong with it and it works and relates to the mother being the main child rearer, which she is, naturally, for one reason above all; she is the only one who can breastfeed. (I am aware not all children are breastfed, but in the time this was normalised most would have been and there is also no reason why most shouldn't still be)

Everyone keeps saying "it's outdated" but what do they mean? It's clearly not outdated. It's clearly still relevant. There's also not much wrong with it and it works and relates to the mother being the main child rearer, which she is, naturally, for one reason above all; she is the only one who can breastfeed. (I am aware not all children are breastfed, but in the time this was normalised most would have been and there is also no reason why most shouldn't still be)

You are assuming this only happens in marriages with children. It doesn’t.

What does whether someone can breastfeed or not have to do with if they can remember to send a birthday card to a family member, organise a plumber or remember to put the bins out without prompting?

I'm a housewife , no problem at all with anyone saying I run the home.... I DO ! Very well i might add

@Aderyn21 "One of the reasons I'm a sahp is because I'm unwilling to go to work and do all the domestic stuff too"

Me too