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Original poster

Father remarrying woman that’s I’m not keen on

48 replies

Jblock123 · 03/02/2022 21:21

Hi, I wondered if anyone had experienced anything similar and could give me some advice. My mum died a few years ago and my dad quickly met somebody else, my parents had been married for nearly 50 years. He met the new lady and she had moved into his house within 2 weeks of meeting. I tried to make an effort with her as I wanted my dad to be happy. As time has gone on though I feel so unhappy about how things are. Since he met this lady I am not allowed to see him on his own, even for a walk or a cup of tea. She is very possessive and doesn’t like him to do anything without her and he has just let her do this. He has told me she is insecure on the one occasion he was on his own and I voiced my concerns. I have also spoken to her about it but nothing has changed in fact things are worse as my relationship with my father is pretty much non existent. If I call round to see him she is by his side and if I call him I am on loudspeaker. He announced at Christmas that he was marrying her and I just felt so sad. He does everything with her family and isn’t interested in mine, he hasn’t seen my children for more than about half an hour in the last few years. I’ve pretty much given up to be honest as it’s only ever me making the effort. My husband can’t stand the way he’s treated me and our children and wants nothing to do with him & my children (now adults) don’t want to see him anymore either. Contact has dwindled since Xmas to the odd text and to be honest it’s a bit of a relief but at the same time I feel guilty as I feel as if I have a duty to him!

OP posts:
LadyMaid · 03/02/2022 21:27

He is responsible for his own actions. Stop blaming his partner.

VladmirsPoutine · 03/02/2022 21:52

I'd be worried about him being exploited i.e. a change of his will. Is your father wealthy / asset rich? I'd be weary too.

thunderonlyhappenswhenits · 03/02/2022 21:59

Wow I could've wrote this about my dad !

converseandjeans · 03/02/2022 22:05

It's more common I think for men to move on quickly like this.

I would also wonder why they need to marry at that age. She probably wants assets passed down to her own children. She sounds really manipulative.

Original poster
Jblock123 · 03/02/2022 22:08

Yes he is well off, he has bought a new house for them!

OP posts:
OhWhyNot · 03/02/2022 22:14

Sounds like my dad and his awful money grabbing wife

She absolutely went after him, controls his money and will do whatever she can to make sure we don’t spend any time with him alone just in case he spends money on his own children and grandchildren

She was happy to move in with him then suddenly it was against her Christian principles Hmm

She has completely manipulated him. He now no longer in love so probably a costly divorce

converseandjeans · 03/02/2022 22:20

Jblock I think that's your answer then. Sounds like she is frightened of losing out on his money if she doesn't oversee everything he does. It's sad as it's your Mums assets too.

PaintYourDreams · 03/02/2022 22:24

This sounds depressingly familiar. Recently widowed men with a bit of money behind them often seem to be a sitting duck for a less well-off new wife who just happens to want a speedy relationship and get married as quick as possible before they get sussed out...

Wherearemymarbles · 03/02/2022 22:33

Yep depressingly common.
No one falls in love quicker than someone who needs a place to live or someone to scrounge off.

You’re a threat hence the isolation and you dad is a feeble idiot. I’m with your DH on this

But look in the bright side - when he has gone gaga she’ll be the one wiping his arse.

Luredbyapomegranate · 03/02/2022 22:39

Sounds like she’s after his money. There is dick all you can do about this, but might be worth seeing a solicitor to see if any assets that were once your mothers can be protected.

Obviously he’s chosen to do this, but he may be being manipulated, so keep a regular line of context going.

I’m sorry OP.

WBQ1 · 03/02/2022 22:44

I'm sorry op you and your family deserve better

saleorbouy · 03/02/2022 22:45

It's a hard one to discuss but if he marries she could inherit alot of wealth if she outlives him. She can then pass on this to her kiss family and you could be by-passed somewhat.
If you xan you need to discuss his wishes and get them in a will so save any legal battles later.

saleorbouy · 03/02/2022 22:52

Kids

Westerman · 03/02/2022 22:53

How sad, OP. It must be upsetting to have him behaving like this to you & your family.

I'd also be very concerned about the inheritance situation, too. It does rather sound like she's after him for his money. I think you do need to keep trying to communicate with him. Don't give up on him; hopefully he will start to see through her. Maybe make an appointment to see a solicitor, maybe a specialist in family issues. At least you'll know either way if there's anything legal you can try.

MrHavelIsHot · 03/02/2022 22:57

Honestly, fuck him. He’s a fool but there’s nothing you can do. If it falls apart for any reason, I wouldn’t be there to help either.

Iwonderifiwonderwhy · 03/02/2022 23:02

I’m sorry OP. I know people are blaming your DF but he was grieving for his wife of 50 years and must have been in a very strange headspace. If she genuinely loved him I thinknshe’d have taken things much more slowly and respectfully and tried to get on with his family. Instead she’s treated you like a threat to be controlled and excluded. She’s after his money and scared you’ll talk him into dumping her.

Hopefully she’ll be less territorial after they’re married.

He probably knows it’s a mistake but for him this nee oerson and her family are a refuge from grieving for the life he’s lost, even you and your family must remind him of his wife every second.

I don’t judge him, I’m sorry that I don’t have any ideas for how you can make the relationship closer, I hope it improves. I suspect he’ll be divorced in a couple of years.

BitcherOfBlakiven · 03/02/2022 23:05

My Dads married two women now that have been openly very hostile to me and my siblings. He’s a twat that doesn’t really give a crap about us, unless he’s between marriages, however after this latest marriage, he can fuck right off.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 03/02/2022 23:06

I'm sorry. But this is up to him.

SinisterBumFacedCat · 03/02/2022 23:13

Op if he needs care, she can provide it.

FloBot7 · 04/02/2022 07:15

Is he happy? The marriage announcement makes it sound like he is. I know it seems strange to move so quickly but if he spent 50 years married then it would be really unsettling to suddenly be alone. Even if he had you and your children for support it's not the same as the companionship you get from a relationship. Annoying as the clingy new woman is, I'd do my best to support him and maintain a relationship. Even if it means having to tolerate her always being around.

AlDanvers · 04/02/2022 07:18

I think you have nothing to lose by being upfront. He has chosen this woman and her family over you and your family.

That's his decision and he is choosing it. I would think your mum would be apalled by it.

MimiDaisy11 · 04/02/2022 07:25

I’m sorry OP. It sounds so difficult. I imagine your mum expected her assets to pass to your family rather than some stranger’s family which is I guess what this woman has in mind.

Suzanne999 · 04/02/2022 07:28

Widowed men do tend to move on quicker than widowed women.
He had a long marriage to your mum so isn’t used to being alone.
She probably is after his assets. I can’t think of any reason for her always being there, insisting he uses speaker phone other than exercising control over him.
Perhaps if there are any things you want of your mum’s you could ask for those now but I wouldn’t count on anything in the future.

BABAHOTEL · 04/02/2022 07:53

@MrHavelIsHot

Honestly, fuck him. He’s a fool but there’s nothing you can do. If it falls apart for any reason, I wouldn’t be there to help either.
He is grieving a wife of 50 years, grief makes people do very odd things.

I'd keep persisting OP, make it clear you're not going away.

Lifeslooser · 04/02/2022 07:56

Been his family your whole lives and they just pass on all the family asserts and wealth to a new woman who is technically a stranger.

Men are so stupid

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