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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pre-Covid holiday booked… WWYD?

71 replies

TheRussianDoll · 03/02/2022 19:14

Am I being unreasonable? My sister myself and my niece paid for a 5 night holiday in Bologna, Italy for May 2020. We book it with no refund and booked flights. Then, 2 months before, COVID19 struck. We were NOT going. The hotel said we could have a credit note (good of them; we’d booked with no refund for cancellation). Then, 2021… niece pregnant and subsequent miscarriage and then moor travel bans/lockdowns so, we didn’t go. Again. Now, the hotel have said we need to “use the credit not or lose it”. Fine but… now, niece is pregnant again and due to give birth one month before we travel. So, I’ve suggested she sit this one out and my DH, me and sister go. This has gone down like a lead balloon. AIBU to say that a new born baby is not appropriate for this type of holiday? Niece is a first time mum, she’s had a dreadful pregnancy and sadly, has suffered mental I’ll health throughout through stress. The hotel is small, exclusive and not really the place for a new born. We have to use the credit note facility. This is the hotel.

www.hco.it/en/4-stars-hotel-citycentre-bologna/hotel

It was originally booked for me, sister and niece to take my mums ashes to Italy (she died Oct 2019) so, we went “posh”. I don’t want to fall out about it; we either use the credit/lose the money/or go with a 6 weeks old baby. We had a room with double and separate single but when I mentioned a cot, the hotel said it wasn’t feasible in any of their suites.

Help, please.

OP posts:
CrinklyCraggy · 03/02/2022 19:17

I think you need to buy the voucher from your sister and neice and go with DH (or sell it to them to go with baby)

AllOfUsAreDead · 03/02/2022 19:20

She can't take her baby, there is no cot. So what is she suggesting happens, she takes a cot with her? That you don't go?

I'd be saying if they suggest not going at all that they pay me back for it as I wouldn't want to lose my money, especially when you've given a reasonable option. That or you pay them back for the full access to it and go with your husband.

CrinklyCraggy · 03/02/2022 19:23

What caused the upset. The idea that DN wouldn't go, the idea that DH gets DN's holiday free, the idea that you, DH and DSis share the room Shock? We're you planning to pay DN for DH's trip?

Bolognesedoc · 03/02/2022 19:24

It seems unlikely that they couldn't fit a cot in - they let you book for babies so why not?

EileenGC · 03/02/2022 19:24

What happens if the baby is 2 weeks late?

What happens if she can’t get a passport in time for the baby? There could be only a 3-4 week margin, and sometimes first passports take longer than that.

Ask her these questions. I bet she hasn’t even thought of them.

luxxlisbon · 03/02/2022 19:28

If they take pets surely they can accommodate a baby?

I don’t think you can reasonably dictate that she can’t bring the baby. If you really prefer to go with your DH offer to pay the full cost and see what they think.

Bolognesedoc · 03/02/2022 19:28

Rereading, it's not really practical to go with niece. Hopefully you can persuade her it's not a good idea.

Dora33 · 03/02/2022 19:32

When the hotel said a cot wasn't feasible, did they said it wasn't possible for a baby to stay in the suite?
As your sister or niece needs to sort this out with the hotel.
If I was your sister, I wouldn't want to share a room even if it was a suite with your dh.
If your niece can't stay in the hotel with the baby, i would assume it would just be your sister and you going on the trip. For either of you to add on a partner, would change the whole trip.

Original poster
TheRussianDoll · 03/02/2022 19:34

There’s no money to be paid back, it was my mums wishes to “go to Italy” as it were. Part of her funeral plan. Bought and paid for. I don’t want niece to go without her baby. I just don’t think she should go. Her pregnancy has been very, very stressful for all of us. She hasn’t been well mentally and her anxiety is very high.

I may say my sister and she goes with baby or me and DH go with sister. What I’m not doing is going on “that type” of break with a newborn.

OP posts:
ShallWeTalkAboutBruno · 03/02/2022 19:36

It accepts pets so it’s not that posh… surely they can accommodate a baby?

WhatsitWiggle · 03/02/2022 19:37

According to hotel website, the suite will accommodate 3 adults and an infant.

But the question really is will your niece want to travel with a 4-6 week old baby for 5 nights?

Airlines are starting to clamp down on terms for this summer so if she books a flight and then decides she's not able to travel, she's lost the money.

Millionairesshortbreadshort · 03/02/2022 19:37

Does she want to be there to scatter the ashes? Fair enough, in which case. You’ll need to think of a way that she can say goodbye too. Scatter them nearer to home? Don’t scatter them there yet?

Millionairesshortbreadshort · 03/02/2022 19:38

Leaving her out because of her mental health issues is cruel.

CrinklyCraggy · 03/02/2022 19:38

@TheRussianDoll

There’s no money to be paid back, it was my mums wishes to “go to Italy” as it were. Part of her funeral plan. Bought and paid for. I don’t want niece to go without her baby. I just don’t think she should go. Her pregnancy has been very, very stressful for all of us. She hasn’t been well mentally and her anxiety is very high.

I may say my sister and she goes with baby or me and DH go with sister. What I’m not doing is going on “that type” of break with a newborn.

So your first proposal was that DH takes DN's place without any money changing hands? DH gets a free holiday and DN loses her holiday?
AutumnLeaves21 · 03/02/2022 19:40

Sorry but if she’s paid for her place it’s not your place to tell her she can or cannot come. It’s down to her to make arrangement with the hotel for baby. YABU.

Hb12 · 03/02/2022 19:41

Buy the neice hasn't paid anything, there is nothing to repay

ShallWeTalkAboutBruno · 03/02/2022 19:43

My sister myself and my niece paid for a 5 night holiday in Bologna, Italy for May 2020

It says here that the niece did pay?

AutumnLeaves21 · 03/02/2022 19:44

Ah sorry just read the update.
Doesn’t change my stance though. You haven’t paid either OP so you don’t have the monopoly on who goes in this trip.

jackstini · 03/02/2022 19:47

So your Mum paid for it all for the 3 of you so I get there is no actual money, but niece will obviously be disappointed/missing out

Plus it's for an emotional reason

Can you do name changes?

It's highly likely that after she's had the baby, she wont be up for going. She will be knackered and emotionally drained!

You could do a last minute name change if that happens...

Plus she might go overdue, or have a c-section and can't fly...

Original poster
TheRussianDoll · 03/02/2022 19:47

There’s nothing to repay.

DH would go because my mum was a widow for many years and we (DH and I) holidayed often with mum in Italy, just the three of us. It’s not a freebie. The trip was originally for me and sister then niece said she’d like to come. I’m not picking on her for her mental health, don’t suggest that, it’s not nice. I just don’t think it’ll be much of a break with a new mum and a 4 wk old (if baby arrives in time).

If (if) DH goes, obviously, two rooms are needed.

OP posts:
Bolognesedoc · 03/02/2022 19:47

What are you planning on doing in Bologna? Would a baby alter those plans? (And yes, as has already been mentioned, would she be able to get a passport in time anyway?)

20week · 03/02/2022 19:48

I think because it was your mums wishes you'll have to suck up going with a newborn even though that's not your ideal. Personally I think a baby so young is one of the best times to go as they'll sleep most of the time.
Depending on the pram your DN gets the baby can sleep in the carrycot so no need for a cot from the hotel.

CrinklyCraggy · 03/02/2022 19:49

I don't understand why there's nothing to repay. In your OP you say you, DSis and DN paid for the trip.

Original poster
TheRussianDoll · 03/02/2022 19:49

@ShallWeTalkAboutBruno… by “paid” I mean, we booked it as a three (though it was originally my sister and I). It’s 2 yrs ago. Much water under the bridge since then for many many people.

OP posts:
CrinklyCraggy · 03/02/2022 19:50

If you're going to book 2 rooms anyway, DN and baby may as well stay in with DSis.