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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pre-Covid holiday booked… WWYD?

71 replies

TheRussianDoll · 03/02/2022 19:14

Am I being unreasonable? My sister myself and my niece paid for a 5 night holiday in Bologna, Italy for May 2020. We book it with no refund and booked flights. Then, 2 months before, COVID19 struck. We were NOT going. The hotel said we could have a credit note (good of them; we’d booked with no refund for cancellation). Then, 2021… niece pregnant and subsequent miscarriage and then moor travel bans/lockdowns so, we didn’t go. Again. Now, the hotel have said we need to “use the credit not or lose it”. Fine but… now, niece is pregnant again and due to give birth one month before we travel. So, I’ve suggested she sit this one out and my DH, me and sister go. This has gone down like a lead balloon. AIBU to say that a new born baby is not appropriate for this type of holiday? Niece is a first time mum, she’s had a dreadful pregnancy and sadly, has suffered mental I’ll health throughout through stress. The hotel is small, exclusive and not really the place for a new born. We have to use the credit note facility. This is the hotel.

www.hco.it/en/4-stars-hotel-citycentre-bologna/hotel

It was originally booked for me, sister and niece to take my mums ashes to Italy (she died Oct 2019) so, we went “posh”. I don’t want to fall out about it; we either use the credit/lose the money/or go with a 6 weeks old baby. We had a room with double and separate single but when I mentioned a cot, the hotel said it wasn’t feasible in any of their suites.

Help, please.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheRussianDoll · 03/02/2022 19:51

Jesus! My mum left money for me and my sister to go to scatter her ashes in Italy. That was her wish. The “trip” was paid for. It just so happens, the three of us were going 🤦‍♀️

OP posts:
AutumnLeaves21 · 03/02/2022 19:53

Ok, but not for your DH. It sounds like you’re trying to shoehorn niece out so that your DH can come. I really think you’re being unreasonable. Honestly unless it’s a big booze up trip then a six week old baby won’t change a thing. They literally just sit there. You go in the single room so you’re not disturbed at night.

willithappen · 03/02/2022 19:53

I don't think it's your place to decide if she takes newborn with her or not. That's completely up to your DN and how she feels.

It's part of your mums wishes, and knowing it was paid for from her estate makes me find you more unreasonable. If everyone else is fine to go then you should honour your mums wishes and attend and let DN decide what's best for her and her daughter

CrinklyCraggy · 03/02/2022 19:54

@TheRussianDoll

Jesus! My mum left money for me and my sister to go to scatter her ashes in Italy. That was her wish. The “trip” was paid for. It just so happens, the three of us were going 🤦‍♀️
OK but what you said was My sister myself and my niece paid for a 5 night holiday

So sorry that I took it that you meant what you said. Either way, you've suggested a solution that means DH gets DN's holiday.

Veryworried22 · 03/02/2022 19:54

Do people really take such little babies abroad?? What about their immunisations and check up appointments and everything? I don't think I could have done it with any of my kids. More power to her I guess.

AutumnLeaves21 · 03/02/2022 19:55

@Veryworried22 a short trip abroad doesn’t mean they’ll miss their first vaccinations and check ups?

WorriedGiraffe · 03/02/2022 19:56

The chances of a passport coming in time must be quite slim, especially as she has to register the baby before applying for the passport, surely that will be a sticking point? I can see why your sister doesn’t want to go with you and your DH though, not the same as taking your daughter is it.

Original poster
TheRussianDoll · 03/02/2022 19:56

@Bolognesedoc… it was our intention for three “ladies” to enjoy a short break in a nice hotel, sightseeing, good food, late nights on prosecco and basically, what mum, me and DH used to do together. We’d booked to travel to Verona, one of her favourite places (which my sister had never travelled to).

OP posts:
Mmmmmmbop90 · 03/02/2022 19:58

Can you go before baby is born?

willithappen · 03/02/2022 19:59

Did your mums wishes note she wanted your DH included? Because I think ultimately that's what matters rather than what you used to do and what you think should be done :/
It sounds like you feel your previous trips are more important

Bolognesedoc · 03/02/2022 20:02

That's really tricky. I think she'll probably end up not coming tbh.

gogohm · 03/02/2022 20:08

I would have travelled myself - I flew long haul with dd at 7 weeks. If you are U.K. based, getting a passport could be the tricky bit, just getting the birth certificate takes a while! If she has a pram with a proper bassinet, the baby can sleep in that, no cot required.

LIZS · 03/02/2022 20:09

When do you intend to go? We visited May several years ago and it was either hot or teeming rain. I would suggest not going with niece and baby, maybe just you and sister.

user1471457751 · 03/02/2022 20:13

@willithappen well the niece wasn't originally invited so I don't think the OPs mum was that prescriptive. She just wanted her ashes scattered by loved ones in Italy.

budgiegirl · 03/02/2022 20:17

I think you are being a little unreasonable, although I understand your concerns. Surely it's up to your niece to decide if she wants to come with her new baby? I suspect that when the time comes she may not want/be able to go - getting a passport in that time could be very tricky, but then surely just you and your sister would go (and possibly your DH if your niece doesn't mind at that time).

I can see why she's feeling a bit pushed aside, if you are suggesting your DH goes in her place - it would be different if she had suggested it herself.

Gowithme · 03/02/2022 20:23

So your mum asked for you and your sister to take her ashes to Italy but niece asked to go too and you and your sister agreed and it was all paid for by your mum's estate? If your mum didn't ask niece to be involved and you and your sister chose for her to be paid for out of the estate then I don't think uninviting her because she'll have a new born - who will probably be awake half the night - is unfair (although disappointing for her). I think though if you are going to uninvite her then who/if you replace her needs to be a joint decision with your sister. I would also handle it very gently with niece.

Morechocmorechoc · 03/02/2022 20:29

You and your sister need to go as that was your mum's wish. That's all there us to it. She paid, it was he choice. Nieces circumstances changed, she cant go. Was never meant to go anyway

Cherryberrybonbon · 03/02/2022 20:31

I know lots of births go fine, but what if it doesn’t? What if baby is not able to fly? I only say this as I spent six weeks in nicu which obviously was t planned for,’. I just don’t think people should plan things like this so close to a baby been born so
I think they ABU and someone should go as what a waste

Divebar2021 · 03/02/2022 20:34

When is this trip actually planned? I only ask because the Italian government have changed the regulations do you need to have been vaccinated in the last 6 months to be able to gain access to any restaurants etc. My trip is in June ( also delayed twice) but my last vaccination was in December so as it stands I couldn’t access anything.

Anyway as for your niece I would not want to be travelling with a baby that weeny for what is effectively a city break. Certainly not in a pandemic. I would anticipate her potentially dropping out after the birth but I wouldn’t suggest it and I wouldn’t replace with your DH unless your sister suggests as an appropriate alternative.

Original poster
TheRussianDoll · 03/02/2022 20:38

It’s certainly tricky. I’m not sure what to suggest. Niece has gestational diabetes so, they may do a Caesarean as baby is big. For me, that was the “Ok, so, niece not going” moment. However, my sister said “Oh, she’ll be fine by then” but niece is not a robust person and what I don’t want is to mess the hotel about further. THEY DID NOT HAVE TO HONOUR our booking. We booked with “no refund” pre-Covid. They have gone further than they have to, already.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheRussianDoll · 03/02/2022 20:42

Sister doesn’t want to go without niece.

OP posts:
Bolognesedoc · 03/02/2022 20:44

Plan to go with niece then and if she decides she can't go at least you tried - and you'll still have your sister there.

Moonlaserbearwolf · 03/02/2022 20:48

@TheRussianDoll

Sister doesn’t want to go without niece.
What would happen if your niece had to pull out at the last minute - would your sister not come?
rookiemere · 03/02/2022 20:49

Yes if Dneice decides not to come, do you think Dsis might come in the end ? Or would it be possible to change flights to DHs name at that point?

Original poster
TheRussianDoll · 03/02/2022 20:52

I’m not sure. I think my sister would go but it’d be a waste of a place.

We’ve all had a rotten time of it. (I don’t just mean my family) and I’m just wanting a short break before we lose the credit.

My DH is poorly too. He may not be able to travel when it comes to it. What a mess. Maybe we ought to forget it!

OP posts:
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