I’m a looser at life-this can’t be all there is!

[Lifeslooser]

I’m soooo bored!! Bored with a big fat capital B-I’ve actually come close to crying a few times it’s all that pathetic!

I was such a homebody, loved being at home and actually enjoyed it!! Then lockdown came and went x3 and I realised my life is no different…at all!! It had no effect-I live a lockdown life so to speak.

I work full time at home, self employed so my own business. It’s craft related so I do lots of crafts.
I go to the gym a few times a week, (that’s my hobby) I like that but it’s not exactly thrilling and exciting is it (going gym is the actual highlight of my life-this is so sad, how can a mundane task be the best thing that happens to me all week every week!)

I have a few friends, we see each other now and again but they also work/have lives/kids so it isn’t regular.

So that’s it, I work, I have a hobby, I do crafts, I read, housework etc.

My youngest child is now 6, so at school. She’s very independent so I don’t get rushed off my feet or pestered or find it a chore looking after my kids because they are pretty self sufficient really.

We don’t go on holidays-just don’t have the money. We do days out and that’s nice, but it’s days out for them, I don’t think a 38 year old female would choose to go to the farm, climb trees or splash in puddles given the choice without kids.

We never go on date nights, never go out for meals. No weekends away just us adults. I never have anything to look forward too-it’s like looking into an abyss.
Valentines is coming up, we will have dinner indoors (no babysitters) like we do every year, for the past 12 years, I don’t actually eat dinners so find this a chore, I’m not a massive lover of steak anyway!

Mother’s Day coming up- lovely day out with the kids doing child friendly things-of course I enjoy this, but it’s the same thing, year upon year upon year upon another year.

I don’t have money to do much else though!!

Is this my life-is this all there is 😭😭😭

I feel like I need saving!

Am I just moaning? Life doesn’t seem this boring, mundane and repetitive for anybody else I know! They all have family birthday parties to go to, or a hen weekend, or their husbands are taking them for a meal or they have that thing coming up or this to do in the summer….I have nothing! Ever!!

To give a rundown. In 3 years I’ve had one night away with my boyfriend when we went to a pub to meet up with his mates.
We had a weekend away about 8-9 years ago and that was for someone’s wedding. We last went for a meal just the two of us about 4 years ago and last went for one before that 2-3 years before. Just a quick 2 hour meal.
With friends, I went for a meal for a hen do about 4-5 years ago. Spa day about 8 years ago for a hen.
So few and far between and always for someone else, never just a weekend away or a night out just the two of us doing something I want to do for me.
Do I also not have enough friends? Is this why I don’t have many events/things to go too?
My family live so far away, it’s my nephews birthday soon and they have hired a hall, it’s too far away for me to go too, so I don’t even get things like that.

I have a funeral to attend of a family member-that’s going to be the highlight of the next 6 months probably….this is so sad!!

What’s wrong with me?

Yes that’s it, it’s one or the other, not both!

What would you pick?

What would be the trade off op? Finances? Practical support? Change in a way of life due to these? What do you see them as if indeed there are any in the first place?

Do you have to wait for your DP to think babysitters are acceptable though? If you want to go for a meal, a spa day, a night away etc just organise something with your friends and tell your DP you will be out/away.

TheRoundOne has made a very valid point. Rather than making any big decisions right now, you could look at building up your own social life and connections through friendships and work on your social life independently.

Your life is better than mine
I’ve 2 with autism ..they barely leave the house not in school and can’t be left alone together..I’m with them 24/7
Never have I been to a wedding ,a hen do ,or a spar day
Never does my husband take me out ,we are to busy arguing,last person he took out was the woman he had the affair with .
Frequently think I’d rather be dead .

Hi op,
Just another perspective for you. My life is similar, a couple of years older and a few more kids but similar work/life etc.
Pre COVID I was happy with my lot but for some reason, I feel like the joy has been taken out of my 'little life'. I do think there's an issue with your boyfriend not going out but as an aside, I do wonder if it's a post covid effect? I can't explain it, but whereas I loved being a home bird, crafting, reading etc it now seems dull.

No advice really but you've just described my life!

@Summersnake

Your life is better than mine I’ve 2 with autism ..they barely leave the house not in school and can’t be left alone together..I’m with them 24/7 Never have I been to a wedding ,a hen do ,or a spar day Never does my husband take me out ,we are to busy arguing,last person he took out was the woman he had the affair with . Frequently think I’d rather be dead .

Sorry you feel this way. Both my dc have autism too, I have no dh, it is hard and it is very lonely at times. Like you, I haven’t been to a wedding, hen do or even out for a drink for a long time. I do feel things are getting easier now my dc are getting older though dd2 still needs constant care when she’s at home. It does sometimes feel like everyone else has far more freedom than I do and people lives look much more fun than mine but I’m sure a lot of people paint a perfect picture of their lives on social media when in reality their lives are not fun at all.

Children need to learn to be left and interact with other adults & kids Getting a babysitter in is not dumping or palming them off. It is exciting for them to have you away for a bit as well. No reason why you cannot even go for a pub lunch rather than dinner. Think your partner (and you) need to stop using your kids as an excuse to not do anything.

Can you use your crafting hobby to join a group or try 'Meetup' in your area to meet others. As well as the gym maybe try a Parkrun in your area as well to break up the day/week. It would only take a hour but will get you away for a bit.

I think a lot of us feel the same way. Firstly, there's nothing wrong with enjoying the gym. Lots of people do.

Second, your dp doesn't sound great, but no one is perfect. If your relationship is otherwise OK and you don't plan on leaving, I think it's OK to accept that you just aren't a going out/date night type couple. I know my DH and I aren't either. He'd be bored, and I love the idea but in reality I'd be bored too.

I organise to go to things by myself or with friends. Look up what's coming to your area and book something. Just for something different.

@Summersnake

Your life is better than mine I’ve 2 with autism ..they barely leave the house not in school and can’t be left alone together..I’m with them 24/7 Never have I been to a wedding ,a hen do ,or a spar day Never does my husband take me out ,we are to busy arguing,last person he took out was the woman he had the affair with . Frequently think I’d rather be dead .

OP, I retract my post about your life after reading more about your partner. I understand more where you are coming from now and how hard it is [flowers}

@summersnake

I completely understand that sense of being trapped and, well, the horror of it. I really hope things improve for you.
You probably know already the supports out there - lots of charities like banardoes nad Mind offer free counselling as well as other supports, there are family support workers too. And of course the Samaritans if you just really need someone to talk to.

Well, your life sounds lovely to me, but then I'm an over 60s introvert who would choose to go to a farm or jump in puddles🤔😂unfortunately no kids or grandkids yet to do it with and I like crafting so to have a job where you can do that all day sounds ideal. However, your not happy with it but the only person who can change your life is you💐

You need to change your own attitude.

You are healthy. you can walk exercise etc.

appreciate what you have and also take time to find out what is missing?
Then act........

Relationship counselling? Make a list of potential nights out - your birthday/his birthday/friends’ birthdays, Valentines Day, your anniversary, work milestones, whatever you can think of, and plan in something for each one. If he turns them all down, don’t stop there - arrange a night out with friends instead. If he won’t go with you, go without him but with a friend/relative - don’t let him say that’s the end of the matter! Meal out, weekend away, family holiday - plan 4:2:1 for this year. Plan weekends with friends, too.

@Lifeslooser

Some good suggestions here, I’m listening, I really am!

We can’t get a baby sitter because it’s “dumping our kids” “not having a stranger” “palming our kids off” - if I’m honest, I think he uses this as excuses to just not go out or have to put any effort in.

We had a child free night last week, both kids at sleepovers, we couldn’t go out because “we might get a call to collect the youngest so can’t leave home”.

It’s not just his fault by the way, I actually fell for those excuses hook, line and sinker. Now I know there just excuses I feel an idiot believing them this whole time!

Now we are getting to the crucks of it. You are bored because your partner is boring ! Why isn't he taking you out or taking you away now and then it's not impossible maybe you need to look at your relationship it sounds a bit dead