Headteacher had me on loud speaker without informing me

[sparklesmakelifebetter]

So my son has SEN, but is in a mainstream High School. He is massively struggling (mainly anxiety related).

I received a call out of the blue from the Principal demanding I come in for a meeting: which is essentially a pre permanent exclusion meeting. (Even though I have a meeting booked with the SENCo and behaviour lead for next week to start an EHCP process). I've never spoken to/dealt with this gentleman before, but found him rude, Anything I said I was cut off. But my biggest upset is that I have now discovered that I was on loudspeaker, in front of at least 2 other members of staff, yet he didn't mention this to me. I've sort legal advice regarding the schooling issue, but my question is:

Is it common courtesy to be told you are on loud speaker or not?

Had I known I was being listened to by others I would not have engaged in the conversation at all, saving it all for the meeting. 1 person is someone relevant to my child, the other someone unrelated to his schooling.

Yes: You are being unreasonable, you don't need to be told if you are on loudspeaker and if others are listening.

Or

No: You are NOT being unreasonable to expect to be informed you are on loudspeaker and who else is present, especially within a professional environment.

The head is trying to intimidate and bully you. You don't have to jump at their command. Postpone the meeting until you can have someone there who can provide support. And If he was recording you to a voice file or typing notes into a computer while he had you on speaker , not onlywas he discourteous he may have breached gdpr law

@NeverDropYourMooncup Thanks for the info, it's really helpful. We are looking at homeschooling him, but I know if I voluntarily take him out and do that, it's highly unlikely I'll ever get him back into a school.

I find it quite a coincidence that this meeting has been requested within 2 days of CAHMS discharging him. (CAHMS asked if they could send the school a copy of the discharge report) It may be unrelated, but my gut says it isn't.

@Kite22 Thanks for the advice, this was my hope too, but they said there is nobody who can attend at the moment.

I would be tempted to contact them and say that, in light of their conduct during the phone call today you will not be attending tomorrow and would prefer them to put their points in writing to be addressed at a later meeting when you can take someone with with you and be fully prepared for the discussion.

Thanks so much to all of you who have taken the time to post, especially with advice. I'm really grateful. Going to try to get some sleep now

@DysmalRadius that's actually a really good idea! His Dad and I are separated and he thinks we should just go and get the meeting over with, but like you, I think we need more time.

[quote sparklesmakelifebetter]@NeverDropYourMooncup Thanks for the info, it's really helpful. We are looking at homeschooling him, but I know if I voluntarily take him out and do that, it's highly unlikely I'll ever get him back into a school.

I find it quite a coincidence that this meeting has been requested within 2 days of CAHMS discharging him. (CAHMS asked if they could send the school a copy of the discharge report) It may be unrelated, but my gut says it isn't.[/quote]
Depending again on what is happening specifically with your DS, they may be able to access a placement somewhere that specialises in children with anxiety/SEN/etc - they aren't all PRUs in the usually assumed sense, some are set up specifically for what can be termed 'emotionally based school refusers' or 'tuition for pupils with medical needs', for example.

It may be intended for short term, but it can provide access to a whole load more support than the mainstream. Or just a school more suited to him and his needs.

Pretty sure you should be given an agenda. Check the sendcop. (Gov website)

Will his Dad be home schooling him? I suspect not, so he hasn't really got skin in the game in the way you have so you should be the one to say how this plays out. And you said you needed more time.

Do check out the exclusion guidance you've been referred to, and take a copy with you. There's a lot of stuff in there saying that permanent exclusion should be an absolute last resort, and that particularly with children with SEN they should be exploring getting them more support first because the strong.likelihood is that that will help a lot. Therefore I strongly suggest you politely but firmly point out those sections in the guidance, ask why they let things get to this stage before initiating the EHCP process, and suggest strongly that they need to get the EHCP in place with ALL the support your child needs before they contemplate exclusion.

@Jellycatspyjamas

which is essentially a pre permanent exclusion meeting. (Even though I have a meeting booked with the SENCo and behaviour lead for next week to start an EHCP process).

My concern would be that they’re trying to start the exclusion process to circumvent the EHCP process or to record they can’t meet his needs which could lead to informal exclusion. In all honesty I’d postpone the meeting until you can have advocacy services involved particularly given you’re starting the EHCP, the school need to give reasonable notice of a meeting like that. If the HT is already being underhand I’d certainly not be attending on my own.

^^ Sorry OP not had time to read full thread but strongly agree with this ^^

Sounds like school don't want you to get the EHCP process started and want to exclude before that begins.

Good idea from jellycats to postpone the meeting until you have someone from Sendiass with you.

If you can't get someone from Sendiass, try seeing if you can get a phonecall advice slot with Ipsea before the meeting.

God this sounds like my son’s secondary. The first letter of the school doesn’t start with a B does it? An ‘Outstanding’ school which didn’t want kids with SEN ruining their results .

The Head there was outrageously rude deliberately to try to make me move him and also refused to engage in the EHCP process so it took me 3 years to get one. He even told me he had kids on the waiting list who ‘wanted to learn’ and insisted on a same day meeting with others present who I also was not aware of then told me It was inappropriate that I brought my younger son with me! Even sent me an email once asking why I ‘blanked’ him at parents evening, I did walk past him without acknowledging him but still you don’t send emails like that to parents!

Anyway enough of my rant! You should ring the school and tell them you want to reschedule the meeting, ring your local SENDIASS and ask if someone can attend with you so you have someone who can advocate for you and your DS.

Have you contacted SOS SEN or Contact?

Unfortunately you expect that schools operate in the best interests of the child UNTIL you have a child with SEN.

Hope you have a brilliant sleep. I think the idea of postponing the meeting until you can have someone as a support with you after the experience of yesterday is a very good one

Don't wait to apply for an EHCNA, you can apply yourself now. IPSEA have a model letter you can use. If the LA refuse to assess appeal. The majority of appeals are upheld.

Follow up all verbal conversations with emails so you have a paper trail should you need it.
Be careful with SENDIAS, some are good, but too many are not and just repeat the LA's unlawful practices. IPSEA and SOSSEN are better.

@sparklesmakelifebetter

So my son has SEN, but is in a mainstream High School. He is massively struggling (mainly anxiety related).

I received a call out of the blue from the Principal demanding I come in for a meeting: which is essentially a pre permanent exclusion meeting. (Even though I have a meeting booked with the SENCo and behaviour lead for next week to start an EHCP process). I've never spoken to/dealt with this gentleman before, but found him rude, Anything I said I was cut off. But my biggest upset is that I have now discovered that I was on loudspeaker, in front of at least 2 other members of staff, yet he didn't mention this to me. I've sort legal advice regarding the schooling issue, but my question is:

Is it common courtesy to be told you are on loud speaker or not?

Had I known I was being listened to by others I would not have engaged in the conversation at all, saving it all for the meeting. 1 person is someone relevant to my child, the other someone unrelated to his schooling.

Yes: You are being unreasonable, you don't need to be told if you are on loudspeaker and if others are listening.

Or

No: You are NOT being unreasonable to expect to be informed you are on loudspeaker and who else is present, especially within a professional environment.

It's sly, but not surprising. Yanbu

Is it common courtesy to be told you are on loud speaker or not?

IMO it's definitely common courtesy to tell someone they are on speakerphone, and also to immediately take them off it when it becomes apparent that the call requires it, or say "sorry, I'll have to ring you back" and end the call, with the explanation at the time or to follow depending on the circumstances. And ring back in the appropriate time frame of course!

If a parent is ringing about a child, then it's at least 95% certain that it will be confidential.

This headteacher seems to be very unprofessional to not have done any of those things. Disgusting, really.

In all honesty I’d postpone the meeting until you can have advocacy services involved particularly given you’re starting the EHCP, the school need to give reasonable notice of a meeting like that. If the HT is already being underhand I’d certainly not be attending on my own.

I also agree with this strongly and the stuff about the paper trail.

I think the speaker phone thing is rude but compared to the fact that you think your son is about to be excluded, it is a very minor issue. Does you son want to stay at the school? Do you like the school? Is it the right environment for your son? If so, go to the meeting and discuss everything that you and the school can do to keep him there. The more willing you are to work with them, the harder it will be for them to exclude him. Also, ask them if they would recommend an EHCP now.

Sorry, just seen that you were going to discuss the ehcp with the SENCo next week.

Absolutely YANBU this HT sounds like a sly fucker truing to force through exclusion before EHCP can be initiated (echo to previous posters). And has already shown he is dodgy with the speakerphone incident.

Also you are not a naughty child and don't have to jump to the headteacher calling a next day meeting. It's a deliberate tactic to outnumber you and make sure you are unprepared.

1. Postpone the meeting until a convenient time when someone can attend with you
2. Request an agenda and the invite list of who will be there
3. Keep your paper trail

Best of luck op

I haven't read the whole thread but absolutely think that any time anyone is on speaker they should be told. If I pick up in the car on blue tooth, the first thing I say always is who is in the car.
Sadly though, I don't think this is the norm I see it all the time where people put calls on speaker and don't say.
I do though think you should tell that head if you can. ( sorry can't comment about the rest as haven't rtwt)

It wasn't just a phone call it was a meeting. They hijacked you
Postpone the meeting as they have moved the goal posts and you now need more time to take extra advice in view of this
Do not agree to them holding the meeting without you

You should always be told if you're on loudspeaker and who else is present

Getting an ehcp takes a while usually around six months from requesting the assessment. It won't have an immediate impact on his difficulties. A permanent exclusion suggests quite serious behaviour issues. You need to work with the school if you want him to stay there.

Do not home educate, do not let school force you into it. This is off rolling. If you home educate a SEN student, you are responsible for providing their special educational provision, including the cost of it. Tell school you need to postpone the meeting as you want to be supported, either by SENDIASS or a friend. Tell them that you are applying for a EHCP needs assessment as you feel that without that support his needs can’t be met. You said it yourself that when he got extra support things were ok. This shows a plan is necessary.