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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Going on holiday without DP

42 replies

Wavypurple · 02/02/2022 20:18

DP and I have been together for six years. Never been on holiday together. Admittedly we couldn’t obviously during covid but now we can, I have money saved for this purpose. I’ve never been on a holiday, ever.

Whenever I bring up us going on holiday it’s always ‘I have no money to do that’. He spends so much money on things that he seriously does not need, expensive car payments for an unnecessary new car and so, so many expensive hobbies that never last.

I’ve offered to loan money which he declined, I’ve offered to pay for him outright which he also declined. I wouldn’t usually offer to do this but I do not care I just want a break!! He wants to do a package holiday to somewhere like Spain when I would rather go somewhere further afield which I agreed with but again dragging feet, making plans at 11pm when I’m in bed?!

He is the one always talking about needing a break, desperate for a holiday. But whenever I try to make plans there is always a hurdle! ‘No money’ ‘it’s too expensive there’ ‘I don’t like the food there’ ‘I’ve been there before’

I have some annual leave coming up. I feel so, so bad doing this and leaving him here but WIBU to just go on holiday alone??? I feel as if I’ve explored every option with him and I just want a break!!

No DC, we live together.

Also I’m aware this is MN at the end of the day so no, he doesn’t have an affair partner he can’t leave behind/a secret family/millions in gambling debt/a warrant out for his arrest meaning he can’t leave the country.

OP posts:

dollyboots · 02/02/2022 20:22

My uncle refused to go abroad ever. My aunt made plans to go without him. He realised she meant it and went along. Now he harps on about going abroad all the time.

But whatever, go without him. It’ll be fabulous if you choose your destination carefully and make some good plans.

WouldBeGood · 02/02/2022 20:25

Just go! I’m going to do this as my DP is similar. I’d booked for Christmas but was cancelled and I’m trying again for Easter. Life’s too short to hang around waiting for him to go with you!

tearinghairout · 02/02/2022 20:30

Of course YANBU! My DP hates going away. So I go on my own or with my cousin :) If I'm on my own I go to an interesting city and stay in a hostel so that I can explore in the daytime but there are other people there who I can eat with in the evenings.

Hockeyboysmum · 02/02/2022 20:30

Definitely go without him. Either alone or get a friend or relative to go with you. Dont let life pass you by waiting on him

LesLavandes · 02/02/2022 20:33

Go go! It will be a great adventure 😊

Thevoiceofreason2021 · 02/02/2022 20:33

Go! And then when you get back pencil in something else with plenty of time for him to contribute X amount a week/ month for the Kitty.

Aprilx · 02/02/2022 20:34

It sounds like he doesn’t want to go on holiday. I think it is unusual but some people don’t like it. My husband doesn’t want to go somewhere I want to go, so I will be going away by myself later this year.

Clymene · 02/02/2022 20:34

Go on holiday! Going on holiday on your own is brilliant. Honestly

timeisnotaline · 02/02/2022 20:36

Go without him, and if he changes his mind and asks you to pay for him look blank and say I didnt budget for that when I booked, you weren’t keen when I said that ages ago. You’ll have to save and we go on holiday together next time, unless of course you can sell the car and come with me!

Lastater · 02/02/2022 20:46

I love solo breaks and always take them, despite being married. Do it!

Notimeforaname · 02/02/2022 20:51

Definitely do it.

Friend of mine is currently away on a month long holiday in Sri lanka. On to Thailand afterwards. She's having the best time!! 😃

Its something you want and he is unwilling to compromise whatever you offer him. So you must go alone.

Partners sister always goes away for a week or two alone but she arranges her trips with a company who arrange all female group trips. So that's an option if you didn't want to be completely alone.

Daenerys77 · 03/02/2022 07:12

There are people who just don't like going abroad and it sounds like he's one of them. There is no reason for you to miss out. Solo travel is the best thing ever because you don't have to factor in someone else's preferences and can change your plans if you wish.

JudyGemstone · 03/02/2022 07:15

Don’t pay for him just because he’s crap with money!

Definitely go alone, it’ll be amazing honestly

NightmareSlashDelightful · 03/02/2022 07:21

Yeah do it.

DH and I don’t have that particular tension and we do go on holiday together a lot. But we both also do the odd holiday or mini-break solo. I like to hire motor homes and take myself off to the side of a loch sometimes and just read and be in nature for a bit. He’s more a hotels and room service type of person and hates motor homes so I just do it on my own!

It can be fun, exciting, calming, meditative… whatever you want really.

WayneBruce · 03/02/2022 07:23

I put U as I think you're incompatible in terms of priorities and spending and it'll get worse as you get older, particularly with kids.

Go on the holiday alone as planned but seriously reconsider if this is the relationship for you.

Mummadeze · 03/02/2022 07:25

My partner will never agree to going on holiday so I take our DD on my own without him. I love it, very stress free

GeneLovesJezebel · 03/02/2022 07:27

He doesn’t want to go really, so go without him.

ChimChimeny · 03/02/2022 07:28

I put U as I think you're incompatible in terms of priorities and spending and it'll get worse as you get older, particularly with kids.

I agree with this so.much! If you are together long term & have DC you'll forever be subsidising his hobbies/fads/cars etc at the detriment of you & your DC. You sound financially incompatible

WillYouDoTheFandango · 03/02/2022 07:30

Go! Enjoy! Life is way too short. And if he gets the hump, lay it out for him like you have for us. He might get the shock he needs to make him get off his arse and sort something. And if not, you know you can always go alone again.

My DP can’t book any AL, there are a couple of weeks a year he is given and that’s it. I go with DS, my sister, my parents, my friends, away with work. Anyone who’ll have me basically. Then I go with him on his two weeks if it’s doable.

RedRobin100 · 03/02/2022 07:31

Oh my god just go and enjoy yourself! There’s is SO MUCH to see and do out there..!

Leave misery guts at home he can sit happily in his fast car and listen to the radio.

HoliHormonalTigerlilly · 03/02/2022 07:40

He sounds fun.

BlowDryRat · 03/02/2022 07:45

Definitely go! You'll have a great time.

Maybe dump the financial-drain miseryguts.

TokyoTen · 03/02/2022 07:59

Just go!! Have a proper break and come back refreshed.

girlmom21 · 03/02/2022 08:07

Definitely go! But I agree with the others that you need a serious talk about finances and priorities if you're intending on having children or getting married in the future.

Shoxfordian · 03/02/2022 08:07

Go on your own and consider doing a lot more on your own as well; he doesn’t sound like much of a partner

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