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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask hairdresser friend why she lied?

54 replies

jaggynettles1 · 02/02/2022 15:26

So the woman I regard as my 'best' friend is a hairdresser. I don't get anything complicated done, just a straight wash, cut and blow dry. I pay full price and always tip.

I've never felt particular loyalty to a hairdresser before but have exclusively gone to her since I've known her. A few months ago we were watching tv while I scrolled Instagram and I showed her a friends new hairdo and said I thought it was really nice. She was a bit put out and asked if I planned to go to that hairdresser. I said of course I wouldn't.

A few months ago I said I would be needing an appointment soon as my ends needed chopped. She was evasive and said that she was fully booked. I remarked that she could pencil me in incase of a cancellation but she didn't say anything and didn't bring it up again.

About six weeks later I messaged her work instagram asking about an appointment and she ignored it. When I asked in person she told me that she was just so busy. She would normally chat about work and customers often but I've noticed she doesn't mention it at all to me now.

I had mentioned it in passing to another friend who has been to her before. She contacted her that night about a haircut and got a reply in about 20mins with an appointment for the following week.

I'm a bit confused because our friendship seems otherwise 'normal' and we've not had any kind of issue that I'm aware of. Do I drop into conversation that I know a friend got an appointment?

I had promised her I wouldn't go elsewhere but the split ends are becoming a serious issue!

OP posts:
RegardingMary · 02/02/2022 15:29

I don't think she feels confident to do the xur you've shown her and and afraid you'll ask her to.
She might be trying to save face.

FetchezLaVache · 02/02/2022 15:30

I wouldn't mention it. I'd send one last text, basically saying are you still too busy to fit me in and if so, is there anyone else you'd recommend because these split ends aren't going to trim themselves!

How odd if this is because of your friend's hairdo, though. In her position I'd assume you were showing me because you fancied something similar yourself, not because you were planning on going to a different stylist!

Namechangehereandnow · 02/02/2022 15:31

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Original poster
jaggynettles1 · 02/02/2022 15:32

@RegardingMary

I don't think she feels confident to do the xur you've shown her and and afraid you'll ask her to. She might be trying to save face.
When I contacted her work page I asked for 'the usual' wash, cut and blow dry. The style I showed her was a bright dye job that I wouldn't be able to have in my line of work.
OP posts:
FetchezLaVache · 02/02/2022 15:32

Ah @RegardingMary - hadn't thought of that! Was it quite a complicated cut? Could that be why she immediately assumed you would go to the other hairdresser for it?

FetchezLaVache · 02/02/2022 15:33

Cross post! That's not it, then...

Graphista · 02/02/2022 15:34

This is not a friend!

She's behaved very childishly I'd move on from the friendship and using her services. More fool her. Lost a friend and a customer and your recommendation to future customers

RegardingMary · 02/02/2022 15:37

Just send her a message telling her your hair is desperate for a cut, is there any chance she can squeeze you in or do you need to start looking elsewhere.

Original poster
jaggynettles1 · 02/02/2022 15:44

@Graphista

This is not a friend!

She's behaved very childishly I'd move on from the friendship and using her services. More fool her. Lost a friend and a customer and your recommendation to future customers

We've been very close for a long time so this is highly unusual behaviour. Normally we would do anything for each other and do have a strong friendship.

Which is why I'm a bit baffled by it.

OP posts:
IncompleteSenten · 02/02/2022 15:47

Oh god, she's sulking because you praised another hairdresser 😂

Say to her my hair needs doing. Are you able to do it or do I need to make an appt somewhere else?

ShaneTwane · 02/02/2022 15:48

I would just go to another hairdresser for my haircut and just not mention it again. If she asks just tell the truth, you needed a haircut and she was ignoring you.

WonderfulYou · 02/02/2022 15:53

I agree with the above poster who said mention it one more time and then give her a heads up you’ll be going somewhere else.

You need your hair cut and she’s got no availability - so you have to go elsewhere.

I wouldn’t say anything about the friend though as that’s bringing her into it.

IntermittentParps · 02/02/2022 15:56

@WonderfulYou

I agree with the above poster who said mention it one more time and then give her a heads up you’ll be going somewhere else.

You need your hair cut and she’s got no availability - so you have to go elsewhere.

I wouldn’t say anything about the friend though as that’s bringing her into it.

I'd probably do this, for practicality's sake. But I'm Confused about her behaviour. Is it out of character? I can't imagine a best friend being like that.
Ponoka7 · 02/02/2022 16:03

If she's a proper friend then why not just ask her what you've done to upset her and if she gets defensive then ask her why she won't give you an appointment. Have it out with her or it will fester and get bigger.

Original poster
jaggynettles1 · 02/02/2022 16:11

@Ponoka7

If she's a proper friend then why not just ask her what you've done to upset her and if she gets defensive then ask her why she won't give you an appointment. Have it out with her or it will fester and get bigger.
I've sent her a message saying my hair really needs cut and asked if I've done something to upset her.

She has really awful professional jealousy and I'm wondering if it was merely remarking on someone elses work.

OP posts:
user94747295 · 02/02/2022 16:12

This does not seem like a best friend relationship at all

Pegasussnail · 02/02/2022 16:13

That's so strange of her. It must be saving face. She thought it was a put down when you showed her another person's work and praised it.

liveforsummer · 02/02/2022 16:17

It's a close friend, at this point I'd just say what's up because I've asked for an appointment and I know you gave X one. What have I done to offend you?

ProudAlly · 02/02/2022 16:24

She has really awful professional jealousy and I'm wondering if it was merely remarking on someone elses work

Well there you have it then

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 02/02/2022 16:27

She's pissed off you liked someone else's hair cut HmmGrin

Personally I would leave it and see if she contacts you. I'm not sure I could be friends with someone so petty.

JuergenSchwarzwald · 02/02/2022 17:15

If you are friends don't you see each other at other times? This all seems very weird.

But the more I read on MN, the more I think people are really really odd.

I agree - message her again and say you need a haircut and is she going to continue holding a grudge for you daring to like another stylist's cut or will she do your hair? If not you'll go elsewhere. Sounds like the friendship is over though - so petty!

KarenTheGammonRemoaner · 02/02/2022 17:19

@FetchezLaVache

Ah *@RegardingMary* - hadn't thought of that! Was it quite a complicated cut? Could that be why she immediately assumed you would go to the other hairdresser for it?
Aren't hairdressers trained to do all cuts?
IntermittentParps · 02/02/2022 17:31

She might not feel that confident about certain cuts though.

Svadhyaya · 02/02/2022 17:36

Has she been giving you mates rates? If so, could it be that she can no longer afford to do that and feels awkward in saying so?

Svadhyaya · 02/02/2022 17:37

Sorry ignore me - missed where you said you pay full price