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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask hairdresser friend why she lied?

54 replies

jaggynettles1 · 02/02/2022 15:26

So the woman I regard as my 'best' friend is a hairdresser. I don't get anything complicated done, just a straight wash, cut and blow dry. I pay full price and always tip.

I've never felt particular loyalty to a hairdresser before but have exclusively gone to her since I've known her. A few months ago we were watching tv while I scrolled Instagram and I showed her a friends new hairdo and said I thought it was really nice. She was a bit put out and asked if I planned to go to that hairdresser. I said of course I wouldn't.

A few months ago I said I would be needing an appointment soon as my ends needed chopped. She was evasive and said that she was fully booked. I remarked that she could pencil me in incase of a cancellation but she didn't say anything and didn't bring it up again.

About six weeks later I messaged her work instagram asking about an appointment and she ignored it. When I asked in person she told me that she was just so busy. She would normally chat about work and customers often but I've noticed she doesn't mention it at all to me now.

I had mentioned it in passing to another friend who has been to her before. She contacted her that night about a haircut and got a reply in about 20mins with an appointment for the following week.

I'm a bit confused because our friendship seems otherwise 'normal' and we've not had any kind of issue that I'm aware of. Do I drop into conversation that I know a friend got an appointment?

I had promised her I wouldn't go elsewhere but the split ends are becoming a serious issue!

OP posts:
WinterOfOurDiscoTent · 02/02/2022 17:42

I find it a bit weird that you pay your "best friend" full price for your hair cut tbh.
You obviously shouldn't ask for or expect discount but it's very normal for it to be offered by her in that situation.

Giraffesandbottoms · 02/02/2022 18:45

I find it a bit weird that you pay your "best friend" full price for your hair cut tbh

What?! If my best friend was a hairdresser I would want to pay full price because I would want to support her profession and not get regular discounts at her expense. A hair cut isn't a one off!

Original poster
jaggynettles1 · 02/02/2022 18:55

@WinterOfOurDiscoTent

I find it a bit weird that you pay your "best friend" full price for your hair cut tbh. You obviously shouldn't ask for or expect discount but it's very normal for it to be offered by her in that situation.
I respect her work and she doesn't own the salon. I pay full price and we do nice things for each other and buy dinners, lunches, gifts etc.

Also the cut I get is £25!

OP posts:
Original poster
jaggynettles1 · 02/02/2022 18:58

@JuergenSchwarzwald

If you are friends don't you see each other at other times? This all seems very weird.

But the more I read on MN, the more I think people are really really odd.

I agree - message her again and say you need a haircut and is she going to continue holding a grudge for you daring to like another stylist's cut or will she do your hair? If not you'll go elsewhere. Sounds like the friendship is over though - so petty!

Yes I see her all the time so I'm debating whether to message her or bring it up in person in a couple of days.

Other than this one issue our friendship is great but I don't want to upset her by going somewhere else. She is really sensitive about her work.

OP posts:
KatyRebecca84 · 02/02/2022 19:02

If she’s your best friend message and ask her outright why she’s being so weird!

Svadhyaya · 02/02/2022 19:04

@WinterOfOurDiscoTent

I find it a bit weird that you pay your "best friend" full price for your hair cut tbh. You obviously shouldn't ask for or expect discount but it's very normal for it to be offered by her in that situation.
She should absolutely be paying full price. This is a common problem for people who offer a 'service' - people who expect mates rates - where do you draw the line? And that person would be taking the space of another customer who could be paying full-price. When it's how you earn your living you just can't operate that way. So OP is completely in the right to be paying in full.
Original poster
jaggynettles1 · 02/02/2022 19:07

@Svadhyaya thanks. I find its always best to not mix business and friendship.

A colleague got her kitchen fitted by her partner's friends for 'mates rates' and she ended up living in a building site for six months feeling like she couldn't say anything as they were doing her a favour.

OP posts:
Tevion28 · 02/02/2022 19:08

Gosh who needs friends when they behave like this.

Wheresmywoolyjumpers · 02/02/2022 19:11

I would message and say that you know she is really busy but you are going to need to get a cut in the next (whatever time you need to set) so can she let you know if there is any possibility that she will be able to offer you an appointment. If she says no, then go elsewhere.

SmallPrawnEnergy · 02/02/2022 19:30

@WinterOfOurDiscoTent

I find it a bit weird that you pay your "best friend" full price for your hair cut tbh. You obviously shouldn't ask for or expect discount but it's very normal for it to be offered by her in that situation.
God I hate this skinflint attitude. If your friend has a business you want to support you pay full price and tip! Support your friends and family rather than using them to get cheap services! It’s tacky.

I would probably ask once again as you know friend has booked in and you’re just trying before you book somewhere else as you desperately need it doing x

Skilovingmama · 02/02/2022 19:34

So has she replied, OP?

pictish · 02/02/2022 20:05

Interesting. I wonder what she’ll reply.

I wouldn’t launch into a blunt confrontation yet. Your message was perfect; honest and diplomatic. You’ve given her the option to confront, confess or let whatever it is slide.

FirewomanSam · 02/02/2022 20:11

Hmm there must be more to this. Was the hairdresser who did the other friend’s hair known to your hairdressing friend? Did you unwittingly show her a picture of her biggest rival’s work and massively offend her by saying you liked it?

Did she know the person in the picture with the fab hairdo was a friend of yours? And that that’s why you were looking at the photo, not because you were browsing through her competitors’ photos looking to jump ship?

I can’t make sense of it otherwise!

Original poster
jaggynettles1 · 03/02/2022 11:15

Update!

I asked her if something was wrong and she said she was upset about me admiring someone else's work. She's got a lot of hassle in her life just now and is really feeling her age and that it's a 'young persons' industry. The work of the hairdresser I showed her is someone significantly younger and from a 'cool' salon.

I assured her I'm not doing anything fancy and just want my usual straight cut and it's all sorted.

OP posts:
purpleme12 · 03/02/2022 11:20

Bloody hell so you're not allowed to comment on any other haircut then

IntermittentParps · 03/02/2022 11:24

Glad it's sorted, but she could work on being a bit less sensitive, both for professional reasons and for the sake of your friendship.

Thirtytimesround · 03/02/2022 11:48

She was punishing you by refusing to cut your hair because you mentioned in passing that someone else in her industry had done good work?

Wow. Well erm it’s nice she has a friend I suppose.

Theunamedcat · 03/02/2022 11:54

I would have just gone elsewhere to be honest and if she asked me shrugged it off with you were busy it needed doing

pictish · 03/02/2022 12:40

@jaggynettles1

Update!

I asked her if something was wrong and she said she was upset about me admiring someone else's work. She's got a lot of hassle in her life just now and is really feeling her age and that it's a 'young persons' industry. The work of the hairdresser I showed her is someone significantly younger and from a 'cool' salon.

I assured her I'm not doing anything fancy and just want my usual straight cut and it's all sorted.

Well she sounds an absolute prick.
LookItsMeAgain · 03/02/2022 12:47

My advice, find a different stylist in a different salon. Stop going to her. She doesn't get to throw a hissy fit because you admired someone else's hairstyle which was done by a different stylist.

Seriously, stop going to her.

LemonMuffins · 03/02/2022 13:17

It's not your problem your friend doesn't want to or can't be bothered to up her game.

If she wants to keep up with current trends and techniques then she needs to invest in some more training Confused

I'd go elsewhere personally, rather than pander to her sensitivities.

Dontbeme · 03/02/2022 14:02

You are paying full price for a service OP, no way would I be pandering to her childish tantrum. Would you tolerate a plumber or electrician throwing a tantrum because you admired someone's kitchen sink or light socket.

Smidgy · 03/02/2022 14:09

What an absolute baby 🙄

WheresYourSnickers · 03/02/2022 14:12

@jaggynettles1

Update!

I asked her if something was wrong and she said she was upset about me admiring someone else's work. She's got a lot of hassle in her life just now and is really feeling her age and that it's a 'young persons' industry. The work of the hairdresser I showed her is someone significantly younger and from a 'cool' salon.

I assured her I'm not doing anything fancy and just want my usual straight cut and it's all sorted.

Glad it's sorted, but jesus she sounds like hard work!!
Cherrysoup · 03/02/2022 14:17

So you have to only ever book with her and never comment on someone’s cut/style ever?! That’s crazy.