Dog, park, AIBU?

[MotelChocolat1]

This is not one of those AIBU posts where the OP won’t accept they are being unreasonable. I’m genuinely unsure if I’m being unreasonable or not, but if I am then I will fully accept it, otherwise what’s the point in even asking!

So I live in a nice, fairly-new build estate. There is a main road and several streets of houses off the road. Each street with houses has 1/2 small park areas- not huge big parks with swings, slides etc, more like enclosed grassy areas with one individual piece of equipment, eg a swing or a roundabout and usually a few benches. To be honest it’s more like a seating area with some benches and the odd piece of playing equipment rather than a huge park with slides and swings etc. Ive occasionally seen families using the park and I’ve also seen older couples out for walks who sit down and have a Costa, or eat a sandwich. There’s very rarely groups of children playing there and for the most part the parks are empty, especially during the day.

My dog doesn’t have the best recall (a big excitable retriever!) and whilst she is friendly and absolutely loves everyone, she sometimes gets overexcited and runs to play with other dogs She’s an amazing dog and so lovely and friendly but I appreciate that not all dogs like to be approached by other dogs and some people are frightened and it’s not fair on them for a random dog to go up to them, so I just keep her on the retractable lead and take her to a dog field or specific off-lead areas for off lead running about.

So you can probably guess what my AIBU is! A few times I’ve been walking my dog and have walked past the empty park. If there was ANYONE in it, I would of course not go in it with my dog, but a few times when it’s been empty I’ve gone in the park and sat down for a quick break and let my dog off the lead to run about. Only for about 5 minutes, and she doesn’t do anything other than plod about and chase her tennis ball, and she doesn’t go near the swings or benches etc. I usually sit on the bench and take a break from walking.

There are no rules or signs saying no dogs allowed- if there were of course I wouldn’t take my dog here. She doesn’t go to the toilet here as she always goes at the start of the walk- if she was going to the toilet in the park, I wouldn’t bring her here as even after picking up the mess there’s still residue on the grass and that’s not fair on other people. I only ever go if it’s empty, and I usually walk at specific times so it’s unlikely anyone would use the park (over dinner time, during working hours) but honestly I’ve never seen anyone in there anyway but needless to say if anyone did want to come in, I would immediately put my dog back on a lead and leave.

I know technically I’m not doing anything wrong by taking my dog here, but something at the back of my head tells me it’s unreasonable as the sole purpose of the park is to sit down and take a break, or to play on the swings, and whilst I’m sitting down on the benches having a break and entitled to do so just as i’ve seen other people do, my main reason for being in the park is to let my dog off the lead, and if I was walking on the main road and passed a bench I wouldn’t sit down or take a break.

Would you consider this unreasonable? I‘ve let my dog off the lead at the park 2 or 3 times and I felt unreasonable so quickly left. She goes to the dog field very regularly and gets to go off the lead during this, and there are other quiet areas I can take her to go off the lead everyday too, but on top of this it’s great for her to get 5 minutes at the end of a normal walk too.

So if you’ve made it to the end of my extremely boring and long winded post, would you consider this unreasonable?

I’m also a big overthinker so I wasn’t sure if I was overthinking this situation! I just didn’t want to be that person everyone hates/is talking about.

Thanks a lot x

Hi OP!

I don't think you are being unreasonable in general, apart from the fact your dog has terrible recall - so if some children did come, would you be able to get your dog back to you in time? Shared spaces are shared spaces, no dog poo being left, quiet times and you're using a bench - I wouldn't have an issue with it! You sound considerate normally using dog parks etc, I don't think you're doing anything wrong here.

I don't see any issue with it - in fact, it could be a great place to work on your recall when it's empty. Sit on bench, dog has a sniff around, reward her for coming back & checking in etc. Try and break the association of recall = time to leave/not allowed to play & make it more recall = delicious snack.

Obviously be vigilant for approaching children - our dog is great but I always put him on lead around kids as he could knock a toddler over accidentally & I wouldn't 100% trust him not to pinch a biscuit from a child...

As someone with a Retriever who was over friendly and bouncy in his youth I would say that while it’s ok to use that area he really does need to on the lead until his recall is better.
Mine used to run up to people and dogs all the time and it’s rude and occasionally dangerous
You probably wouldn’t allow it if he was a GSD so don’t

Its fine as long as you can get them back when a child appears at the park

I think it’s fine, but it would help you a lot to work on her recall. Do you have a long line?

I think if you’re keeping an eye on your dog, watching out for the moment anyone else approaches and have a massive bag of biscuits for tempting your dog over to you and getting him back in on the lead, it’s fine.

I have a golden retriever too, the big old idiot.

OP you sound like a really considerate dog owner, but, for me, the fact he "doesn't have great recall" is the problem. If you can't get him back immediately if any problem arises then he needs to be on the lead.

I think it would be better instead of sitting down, that you stand at the inside of the gate, so if somebody tries to come in you could ask them to wait a second while you retrieve your ddog

YANBU, as long as you can extract him from the park if someone does come along. 'Not great recall' can mean anything from 'doesn't come first time' to 'benny hill sketch' I get the feeling you're actually closer to the former?

I'd use the time to work on his recall. Practice makes perfect (unless they find a discarded Sunday roast in a bush - apparently all bets are off then).

I wouldn't allow a dog off the lead without a good recall. Yabu.

I'd be using the time in the park to work on the recall in a controlled environment and other training games instead of sitting down for a break!

But no, I don't think what you're doing is unreasonable.

If there are no signs saying no dogs then you aren't the only one doing this so YANBU.
You sound like a considerate dog owner so as you said you can get him on the lead and leave if anyone kids arrive.

Thanks so much for replying and giving your opinions I wasn’t sure if I was overthinking or not!

Sorry I read back my original post and I’ve realised I explained it very badly! I should have proof read before posting!

her recall isn’t awful and 99 times out of 100 she comes back straight away (We’re working on it and she’s doing brilliantly!) but sometimes in true retriever fashion, she gets excited and doesn’t come back immediately. She’s very friendly and just wants to say hi but not everyone/other dogs like this so I just keep her on the lead in busy areas in case she decides not to come back as I can’t guarantee with 100% certainty that she will. She’s never ran up to anyone or jumped up at anyone or barked at anyone, and she’s never ran off the lead towards anyone because she’s always on the lead in busy areas, but I had her off the lead in the dog field when meeting my friend who she had never met before and she wandered over to say hi and her recall wasn’t the best. So whilst I know she would only ever wander over to say hello and she would never jump up or do anything, some people might be scared/allergic/not want a dog to approach them at all so I just keep her on the lead. She isn’t really interested in people most of the time and just walks past them on the lead, but she loves other dogs and would want to play with every dog she meets which not all dogs want, so I just stick to the dog field or specific off lead areas to let her off the lead, and she gets loads of this so is quite happy to walk on the lead for normal walks anyway.

When she’s in the park and focussing on her tennis ball she not actually bothered about what’s going on around her and the few times I’ve taken her here, she came back no trouble at all. It’s actually a really small area (I’ve made it sound a lot bigger than it is!) so she can’t go far at all, it’s not a field or anything like that and the gate is behind the bench I sit at.

I just thought it was ideal as it was across the road and enclosed but I hadn’t appreciated that someone may suddenly appear and that whilst I’m 99.99999999% confident she would come back straight away to me, I can’t guarantee with 100% certainty that she wouldn’t wander up to say hi. I know she won’t jump up or bark at them but not everyone wants a dog wandering over to them at all.

I might just get an extra long lead (8m+) so when she’s in there she can wander about but still have full freedom and that way I’d be able to retrieve her straight away if anyone wanted in.

Thanks very much again for the honest opinions

How would parents of toddlers who might want to use the play park know that your dog hadn't pooed and wee'd in there? What could you do if he suddenly cocked his leg up the bench? Are there specific no dogs signs?
I do think if there is play equipment then it's not for dogs. If it's just benches, then maybe?

Your post suggests you have more common sense than 99% of dog owners. However, your dog being in the park sets a precedent, and before long some of the 99% will join you. On top of that other humans who may wish to enjoy the park for whatever purpose may be discouraged when they see dog/s in there.

Please go somewhere else.

"My dog doesn’t have the best recall (a big excitable retriever!) and whilst she is friendly and absolutely loves everyone, she sometimes gets overexcited and runs to play with other dogssmile"

This is unreasonable. Overexcited to you, might be perceived as aggression by another dog, more so if it under control on a lead. If your dog doesn't have a recall and it runs up to say my two big dogs on leads and bounces round them, chances are it will be put in its place. I wear a body cam ti protect my dogs in such scenarios

You're not alone though, often encounter unwanted attention from excitable uncontrolled dogs

@Hoppinggreen

As someone with a Retriever who was over friendly and bouncy in his youth I would say that while it’s ok to use that area he really does need to on the lead until his recall is better. Mine used to run up to people and dogs all the time and it’s rude and occasionally dangerous You probably wouldn’t allow it if he was a GSD so don’t

Yeah I agree with you. She’s never off the lead in areas with other dogs, people or cars. She only gets off the lead in specific dog fields or enclosed areas which are for off lead purposes but thankfully there’s a lot of them near us so she gets loads of this and is happy to walk on the lead for normal walks. She’s never ran up and jumped on anyone as she’s always on the lead when there’s other people. I fully appreciate that whilst to me she’s a big friendly dog who just wants to wander over and say hi, not everyone likes this, hence why I always keep her on the lead. I think owners who let their dogs off the lead in areas with other people or cars are totally selfish! x

@Whammyyammy

"My dog doesn’t have the best recall (a big excitable retriever!) and whilst she is friendly and absolutely loves everyone, she sometimes gets overexcited and runs to play with other dogssmile"

This is unreasonable. Overexcited to you, might be perceived as aggression by another dog, more so if it under control on a lead. If your dog doesn't have a recall and it runs up to say my two big dogs on leads and bounces round them, chances are it will be put in its place. I wear a body cam ti protect my dogs in such scenarios

You're not alone though, often encounter unwanted attention from excitable uncontrolled dogs

I totally agree with you! I didn’t explain it very well but she never ever runs up to dogs on the lead as she’s never off the lead in areas with other dogs or people.

When I said she runs up to play with other dogs, I meant at dog fields where it’s specifically for offlead dogs. Eg, my family have dogs and occasionally we will rent out a big dog field for the afternoon and let the dogs all play together- these are the instances where she runs up to play with the other dogs and is exciteable.

I don’t let her off the lead in areas of other people/dogs as its completely irresponsible and I know how frustrating this is. Sometimes we’ll be walking and another dog approaches us and the owner is miles away and it frustrates me so much as they have no idea if their dog has gone up to a scared dog- luckily my dog is fine with other dogs but it’s frustrating how some owners just don’t care about their dogs, or other dogs, enough to keep them safe.

I hope I’ve explained it a bit better in this post sorry! x

@Roadshiner

Your post suggests you have more common sense than 99% of dog owners. However, your dog being in the park sets a precedent, and before long some of the 99% will join you. On top of that other humans who may wish to enjoy the park for whatever purpose may be discouraged when they see dog/s in there.

Please go somewhere else.

I hadn’t thought of that actually, it’s easy to lose sight of the fact other people might copy and suddenly it’s not just one dog going there, it’s full of dogs all day. Thanks for the insight, I hadn’t actually appreciated the knock on effect!

I voted YABU because if I were hoping to rest / visit the area with my child and saw you and your dog there (with the dog off the lead), I would avoid the area.

I think you sound like a really nice person and not the type of person that routinely walks and allows their dog to poo in the childrens play park on my estate, but I think you’re being inconsiderate. You can get a super long lead if you don’t complete trust your dogs recall and sit in somewhere that isn’t clearly a childrens play area. The sign thing is a bit of a given.

The park on mine is similar to the ones you describe, small not a tremendous amount to play on but clearly a childrens play area none the less. The amont of dog shit in there is unreal and it’s so unfair, it’s to the extent that I won’t let my toddler explore because these people don’t clear up after their dogs, or even more bizarrely pick up the poo and then leave it in a bag on the floor. Even if you pick it up and put it a bin in the park it’s unlikely they are specific dog poo bins so the bags can be dragged out by foxes or birds. So respectfully, please find somewhere else.

@PuppyMonkey

I think if you’re keeping an eye on your dog, watching out for the moment anyone else approaches and have a massive bag of biscuits for tempting your dog over to you and getting him back in on the lead, it’s fine.

I have a golden retriever too, the big old idiot.

Fellow golden retriever owner!!

They’re the best dogs ever (not that we’re biased)!!

@C152

I voted YABU because if I were hoping to rest / visit the area with my child and saw you and your dog there (with the dog off the lead), I would avoid the area.

I completely understand why, thank you for your opinion x

Check the rules for that space, many estates have covenants for little green spaces even if the signage is poor. It's no dog's loose on any of ours

On top of that other humans who may wish to enjoy the park for whatever purpose may be discouraged when they see dog/s in there

This. If I wanted to sit and have a sandwich or even just enjoy the park for a short while, a loose dog would put me off. You just know if you're the only other person there it will approach you so I wouldn't come in.