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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Dog, park, AIBU?

41 replies

MotelChocolat1 · 02/02/2022 12:17

This is not one of those AIBU posts where the OP won’t accept they are being unreasonable. I’m genuinely unsure if I’m being unreasonable or not, but if I am then I will fully accept it, otherwise what’s the point in even asking!

So I live in a nice, fairly-new build estate. There is a main road and several streets of houses off the road. Each street with houses has 1/2 small park areas- not huge big parks with swings, slides etc, more like enclosed grassy areas with one individual piece of equipment, eg a swing or a roundabout and usually a few benches. To be honest it’s more like a seating area with some benches and the odd piece of playing equipment rather than a huge park with slides and swings etc. Ive occasionally seen families using the park and I’ve also seen older couples out for walks who sit down and have a Costa, or eat a sandwich. There’s very rarely groups of children playing there and for the most part the parks are empty, especially during the day.

My dog doesn’t have the best recall (a big excitable retriever!) and whilst she is friendly and absolutely loves everyone, she sometimes gets overexcited and runs to play with other dogs She’s an amazing dog and so lovely and friendly but I appreciate that not all dogs like to be approached by other dogs and some people are frightened and it’s not fair on them for a random dog to go up to them, so I just keep her on the retractable lead and take her to a dog field or specific off-lead areas for off lead running about.

So you can probably guess what my AIBU is! A few times I’ve been walking my dog and have walked past the empty park. If there was ANYONE in it, I would of course not go in it with my dog, but a few times when it’s been empty I’ve gone in the park and sat down for a quick break and let my dog off the lead to run about. Only for about 5 minutes, and she doesn’t do anything other than plod about and chase her tennis ball, and she doesn’t go near the swings or benches etc. I usually sit on the bench and take a break from walking.

There are no rules or signs saying no dogs allowed- if there were of course I wouldn’t take my dog here. She doesn’t go to the toilet here as she always goes at the start of the walk- if she was going to the toilet in the park, I wouldn’t bring her here as even after picking up the mess there’s still residue on the grass and that’s not fair on other people. I only ever go if it’s empty, and I usually walk at specific times so it’s unlikely anyone would use the park (over dinner time, during working hours) but honestly I’ve never seen anyone in there anyway but needless to say if anyone did want to come in, I would immediately put my dog back on a lead and leave.

I know technically I’m not doing anything wrong by taking my dog here, but something at the back of my head tells me it’s unreasonable as the sole purpose of the park is to sit down and take a break, or to play on the swings, and whilst I’m sitting down on the benches having a break and entitled to do so just as i’ve seen other people do, my main reason for being in the park is to let my dog off the lead, and if I was walking on the main road and passed a bench I wouldn’t sit down or take a break.

Would you consider this unreasonable? I‘ve let my dog off the lead at the park 2 or 3 times and I felt unreasonable so quickly left. She goes to the dog field very regularly and gets to go off the lead during this, and there are other quiet areas I can take her to go off the lead everyday too, but on top of this it’s great for her to get 5 minutes at the end of a normal walk too.

So if you’ve made it to the end of my extremely boring and long winded post, would you consider this unreasonable?

I’m also a big overthinker so I wasn’t sure if I was overthinking this situation! I just didn’t want to be that person everyone hates/is talking about.

Thanks a lot x

OP posts:

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 02/02/2022 13:35

As long as your dog does come back when you see anyone and there are no signs, I think it's a good place to work on recall.

My dog is only on lead next to a road, as soon as we get to the lanes leading to the fields near our house he's off lead, but he does recall immediately.

Greenbluestar · 02/02/2022 13:38

I don’t see a problem. Let the dog enjoy some freedom for five minutes.

ARabbitisaBunny · 02/02/2022 13:42

We have a park next to our house. It has a good amount of grassed spaces, play equipment for older children in the centre, some seating and small areas of trees and shrubbery. To one side is a fenced off area with equipment for toddlers to use in safety. However, it has become increasingly common for dog walkers to go into the space and let their dogs off the lead. This predominately happens when there are no children playing there, but I've seen dogs cock their legs on the equipment at just about the level where a small child would put their hand to climb up, as well as dogs pooing all over the grass, unnoticed by the owners who are either on their phones, talking to other dog owners or having a smoke under the covered climbing frame. I once challenged a woman about her being in there with four dogs (I was with a child!) and her justification was that it she felt it was safer for her pets to be in the enclosure than out in the main park. To be fair, she did go on to say that she saw my point. I'm not suggesting that you would behave like this, OP, but as others have said it sets a precedent.

dottydodah · 02/02/2022 13:43

I love dogs and have a super spotty girl! However I would not let her into a play area Im afraid .There is a Big field near to me with a sign saying "No Dogs" next to a dog bin! I dont use it at all ,but see others there all the time . Many Mums will not want to use it if they see you .They have their areas we have ours!

Greenbluestar · 02/02/2022 13:46

@C152

I voted YABU because if I were hoping to rest / visit the area with my child and saw you and your dog there (with the dog off the lead), I would avoid the area.

Why? Genuinely.

I would assume any off lead dog was well behaved enough to not bother us. As it’s not the case here, I would expect OP to put her dog on lead when she saw us approaching. I don’t see an issue.

RincewindsHat · 02/02/2022 13:59

Not unreasonable at all, if people with kids don't want to go in there while you're there for 5 minutes, it sounds like there are several other options available. It's a communal space and you're using it respectfully. Carry on.

Suzanne999 · 02/02/2022 14:00

I’m sure it’s fine. Sounds quite a small area so your dog’s not going to be far away from you.

Mommabear20 · 02/02/2022 14:04

As a parent of a toddler and a 6 month old who is also terrified of dogs I don't know (was attacked as a child) I don't have a problem with this. You're in an enclosed area and as long as you got your dog when you saw we wanted to enter, and there in fact wasn't any dog poop left behind, I think you're not only being very reasonable but also considerate! Thank you!

Autumndays123 · 02/02/2022 14:05

Yep YABU! Dogs without 100% recall should not be off the lead in public places. You can hire dog fields and the like for very little money to practice recall. I'm so fed up of walking my dog on the lead only to have someone's 'excitable retriever/jack Russell/lab/anything else to make untrained sound cute', come running over to me and scaring the life out of my dog. The amount of times I've literally had to pick her up and carry her away whilst the owner idly wanders over shouting "he's just saying hi" and he jumps up and down on my cowering dog, is unreal.

There may well be parents who walk past and don't take their child on because your dog is running around off lead in a play park. Similarly, if an on lead dog comes on with owner and you don't have 100% recall, how exactly are you going to stop him running over?

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 02/02/2022 14:05

I would assume any off lead dog was well behaved enough to not bother us.

Sadly, my experience tells me that many off-lead dogs are not under control, and I say that as a dog owner and a professionaldog walker.

I've lost count of the number of times "friendly" off-lead dogs have come haring over to me and my on-lead dogs and caused an issue. While many aren't aggressive, it still causes issues for the on-lead dogs and for me as a handler.

Many of the dogs I walk are on-lead for a reason - injury, poor recall, reactivity etc. I don't trust off-lead dogs unless I know them and their owners well - sadly it's because of too many poor experiences and as is usually the case - the minority of poor owners ruin it for everyone else.

Booboobibles · 02/02/2022 14:08

I think that it would be better for you if you didn’t spend so much time and energy worrying about being ‘good’. Just have faith in your own opinion.

You have a lovely golden retriever….I’d be delighted if she came bounding up to me and she’d get a big cuddle🙂. If you had a scary looking dog I would feel very differently though!

pigsDOfly · 02/02/2022 14:08

I wouldn't take my dog into a children's play area.

And if I knew that anyone was taking their dog in there to run loose I wouldn't take children in there either.

You sound like a very considerate owner OP but the fact is that a hell of a lot of dog owners don't care if their dog poos in inappropriate places.

I live in a new build estate too and there is dog poo everywhere: on the grass beside the pavements, in people's gardens (all unfenced), on the pavements, on the fields. It's as is no place is safe from it.

If I saw someone with their dog in a children's play area I'd assume that they didn't care that they shouldn't take a dog in there - it's fenced in for that reason even if there are no signs - and I would make a further assumption that they're not going to worry if their dog wees or poos there.

Dog's toileting habits can be unpredictable and if your dog did decide to suddenly cock his leg or poo it's going to be impossible to stop him in time to take him outside the area.

UrbanAli · 02/02/2022 14:09

I kept waiting for the bit that said your dog knocked someone over or something :) You sound like one of the nicest and most considerate dog owners out there. You are definitely not unreasonable. If you can work on the recall a bit, do, because it’ll help your own confidence and peace of mind when you take her out. Take care x

Greenbluestar · 02/02/2022 14:12

@Booboobibles

I think that it would be better for you if you didn’t spend so much time and energy worrying about being ‘good’. Just have faith in your own opinion.

You have a lovely golden retriever….I’d be delighted if she came bounding up to me and she’d get a big cuddle🙂. If you had a scary looking dog I would feel very differently though!

As an owner of a lovely staffie this sentiment really pisses me off.

Also for your own safety I would advise you focus less on breed and more on the individual when assessing a potentially dangerous situation.

Bluemonkey2029 · 02/02/2022 14:38

You sound like a lovely considerate dog owner. Why not pop a long lead on her and let it trail behind her. That way she gets freedom to explore but you can grab her lead easily if someone else arrives. Great place to practice recall too.

OakRowan · 02/02/2022 17:18

YABU, those little pocket parks are for kids to play in, not to exercise dogs in. I wouldn't do that with my dogs. There's one on our estate and there's dog muck in it, even though its just toddler play equipment a bench and a small bit of grass.

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