Worried about my toddlers eating, desperate for advice

[Cryingintomypillow]

I am so worried about my toddlers eating. He used to be so good, would eat everything and anything from melon and yoghurt and porridge and vegetables to pasta and cottage pies and curries you name to sweet potatoes you name it! The past two months he will eat nothing. Not even if we try to spoon feed him. we are lucky if he eats porridge or even his favourite spaghetti. It is physically impossible to get him to eat. Currently the only thing he wants to eat is Organix carrot bars and fruit bars, brioche, occasionally spaghetti, rice cakes, occasionally porridge and occasionally chicken dippers. Honestly, I am feeling like a failure here but I am just happy when he eats ANYTHING. I try and encourage him, I try and give it to him bit by bit, I try to just leave him to it, I let him sit in his comfy spots to eat, just anything at the moment because I am seriously worried! I have spoken to my health visitor multiple times about this who just says it’s normal but it’s going on so long now that I don’t know what to do!

He has been referred for an autism assessment so I don’t know if it’s sensory, he’s being picky or there’s something underlying but I feel like I’m not being listened to!

I guess I just need some advice - any mothers with toddlers been through the same? What helped? What can I do to get him back into a routine and to get him to love food again?!

Otherwise In himself he is happy and very energetic, developing lovely. He is very active and still having normal wet nappies and normal poos.

Any advice would be great because I’m near tears here!

How old is he? My two year old has just started getting really really picky after being a previously good eater (I was worried he was eating too much before I even have a thread about it on here!)

He’s very nearly two @youhadmeatjello!

Both of mine went through a long, picky stage around 2. Both times I worried myself sick, both times it just stopped, if it’s own accord.

I’m pretty sure it’s quite common.

@Nevilleslongbottom so good to know, thank you and I’m glad it stopped if it’s own accord! X

@Cryingintomypillow Good luck!

I'm sure I'll be jumped on for this, but in 1979 when my two year old wouldn't eat anything but biscuits my gp said let her have them - she'll get bored and start eating other things. In this instance he was right - I stopped worrying about it, put biscuits in front of her and gave my other daughter real food. Less than a week and she started eating a normal diet. (He was also the GP who told me it was fine to just say no to my toddler). Don't sweat the small stuff, give what they'll eat without fuss but make what you're eating more interesting.

Before anyone pounces I'm fully aware there may be issues with textures etc but I think we should assume our kids are the norm. I read a response on Mumsnet recently from a mum who worried about her little boy who had a very restricted diet (through refusal). He's now 6 ft teenager and recent tests show he's perfectly healthy.

Look up the Gentle eating book by Sarah ockwell Smith

Are there other reasons as to why they are being referred for autism assessment? As 2 is very young for this!

I would always offer 2 safe foods and 1 new food and try not to stress

My 3 year old went through an awful picky eating stage, was losing weight, even the health visitors and gp were a bit worried… then all of a sudden she just started eating again! She goes to preschool now and honestly I think that’s helped a lot, the routine and surrounded by other children eating. But honestly I have no idea what changed, but I’m so glad it did, it was going on 6 months and we were doing investigations with the gp and referrals to the hospital and I was so worried. Now she eats constantly and I can really see the difference! I hope your LO also decides to stop of his own accord to, I understand how worrying it is!

The one piece of advise I would give is let him eat whatever he wants, as long as he’s eating and healthy you’re doing well I promise, my daughter ate pretty much nothing but cereal and yogurts for those six months and today she ate cottage pie!

I love deletease post. Two year olds are tyrants. He is controlling you like most two year olds try to control adults around them. There is some good advice on the posts. He needs to feel he is choosing and you aren't bothered either way

What are the autism markers?

My son is 3 and autistic. He has a restricted diet and we are always trying to introduce other items but he has very specific interests!

Look up SR Nutrition on Instagram or she also has a blog - she talks a lot about fussy eating and does live sessions about it too. Solid starts is another good account that talks about this.

Everything I’ve read suggests giving a safe food (whichever of the things he does have that you think he’s most likely to eat) alongside the other foods you’re eating as a family. Let him see you eating and enjoying the food but don’t comment on his eating, no pressure, no praise, no urging just one more bite etc. Put the food down with a ‘here you go’ and take the plate away again at the end of the meal with no comment whether he’s eaten the lot or not touched it at all. Stick to a fairly regular meal and snack timetable so you know he always has another opportunity to eat coming soon. Try to get him involved in shopping/ cooking/ playing with/becoming familiar with food as much as possible. Give him a decent multivitamin and try not to worry too much (impossible I know!). I think this is a really really common part of toddlerhood and for most children it does pass eventually, obviously if there’s other issues at play then it might be more complex but it could also just be a toddler thing.

He sounds like my DS at that age. It's incredibly stressful and I hated meal times. I watched other toddlers his age eating everything and I felt so jealous of their parents . I think he ate yogurt, crumpets, toast, fruit, cucumber and those baby carrot stix things. Wouldn't touch chicken nuggets àt that point. He's 10 now and is still picky and has a more limited diet than I would like. But he does eat different food now!

Looking back I wish I'd been more relaxed about it... it is worrying but I do think some kids are more prone to restricting their food either due to wanting some control or because of texture / sensitivity. His sister eats pretty much anything. And will happily try most new foods. But he refuses and kind of has ' safe' food. Though he is becoming a little braver, v slowly!

I started just focusing on making meal times relaxed. I would offer food, including some of his safe foods, then he can choose whether to eat or not. And still give dessert like fruit or yogurt even if they don't eat much or any of the main. Just trying to focus on meal times being enjoyable helped me.

Also, it's not your fault. I blamed myself and sometimes felt judged by other parents, and still do on occasion. But my DS's personality is more cautious and he has sensitivity to other textures and loves routine.

My DS1 would only eat white food, for about 18 months so lots of fish and pasta dishes often with a cheese sauce, plus it had to be hot food. Then I had an ordeal trying to get him to eat sandwiches in preparation for him starting school. However, he grew out of all his fussy eating and has a good healthy diet. I didn’t worry about it, He was served the same food as everyone else, I never forced him to eat anything he didn’t like, but the rule was he had to try it before saying he didn’t like it.

It's very stressful OP - I have a fussy eater and I sympathise. It has reduced me to tears.

I am going to disagree with a previous poster (though I will say that I am not an expert and there is absolutely no easy answer here - Im sure different children respond to different ways) - in the book Getting the Little Blighters to eat (which I recommend) - she says that it is really vital you don't limit their diet because they are refusing things.

So - giving nothing but biscuits or bland stuff is not recommended. You can give the stuff you know they will eat ie. the nuggets/ the plain pasta - but always with other more rounded diet. There is research that shows children have to be exposed to foods multiple times before they might try it.

Really don't stop giving the healthy stuff even if you go mad because they wont try it -

The main line of most nutritiounsits etc is that you put the food in front of them but absolutely no forcing/ bribing/ drama - remove all the drama from the situation and they will end up eating enough to surive and you won't have turned mealtimes into a battlefield.

I am not a winner here though my daughter is incredibly picky and it's awful thinking how little nutrients she gets. However at least mealtimes are no longer as stressful because I dont spend an hour of tearful stress pleading/ demanding that she eat her vegetables. I have had to give up - I just give her healthy food, she nibbles at it sometimes - there is nothing more I can do. I've never gone the full junk food route so at least she is eating wholemeal pasta/ rice cheese etc if no veg or fruit.

It's hard. Try and relax. You eat with them. Give them very tiny bits of what you are eating and then the food they will eat.

Otherwise In himself he is happy and very energetic, developing lovely. He is very active and still having normal wet nappies and normal poos

This is the most important thing. He must be eating well enough or he would be feeling tired.

My 2YO went through a ridiculously fussy phase where I think there were maybe 6 foods total she’d eat. Then shortly before she turned 3, out of nowhere she said they wanted a hamburger for lunch, having not touched meat in nearly a year. So off we went for burgers and from then on she kept asking for other new things. She’s now 4 and a really, really adventurous eater. For most toddlers it does get better so if there’s a variety of tastes/textures I’d give a multi vitamin, keep encouraging but not stress it.

I think general advise is that it's your job to put the food in front of them and theirs to eat it. I know it's hard but I've found it works with my two. They have always ended up eating, although I don't know much about autism so that could be different.

If he'll eat spaghetti and porridge, I'd offer spaghetti or porridge for every meal (not the fruit bars, rice cakes and other stuff). And also give him a vitamin every day.

Then I'd just offer a plate of what you're having, but with everything separated out. So if you're having chicken and rice with vegetables, make sure the chicken and rice are separate and all the vegetables are separate. That may make trying things less daunting for him.

Ime they eat much more when out and about in the buggy as well because they're hungry and distracted. So you could try some picnic lunches on the move. I used to give my DS slices of cucumber, carrot and apple with some cheese cubes and some cut up bread (DS didn't like sandwiches but would eat the filling and bread separately).

All children are different - but my dd also ate a very limited diet from around 2 and then very slowly got better. E.g. when she was 3 she would eat pasta but only plain pasta. Maybe some plain chicken on the side. Bits of raw vegetables. Fruit. What I did was I kept offering different things and slowly it got better.

In the kindest way you need to calm down, or at least mask the worry from your child. Believe me, I wish I’d done that 5 years ago rather then playing short order chef and watching every mouthful go in (or not). Unless your child is clinically underweight then just put food out, always including something ‘safe’ and if they eat they eat and if they don’t they don’t.

My daughter eats no fruit or veg but us healthy and growing. Stressing the issue doesn’t help. Good luck

Completely agree with chocolatemassacre. Whatever you do, don’t start serving beige food, cakes, etc at every meal in an effort to get him to eat as then that’s what he will get used to eating and it’s then very hard to reverse that.