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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Worried about my toddlers eating, desperate for advice

39 replies

Cryingintomypillow · 01/02/2022 19:38

I am so worried about my toddlers eating. He used to be so good, would eat everything and anything from melon and yoghurt and porridge and vegetables to pasta and cottage pies and curries you name to sweet potatoes you name it! The past two months he will eat nothing. Not even if we try to spoon feed him. we are lucky if he eats porridge or even his favourite spaghetti. It is physically impossible to get him to eat. Currently the only thing he wants to eat is Organix carrot bars and fruit bars, brioche, occasionally spaghetti, rice cakes, occasionally porridge and occasionally chicken dippers. Honestly, I am feeling like a failure here but I am just happy when he eats ANYTHING. I try and encourage him, I try and give it to him bit by bit, I try to just leave him to it, I let him sit in his comfy spots to eat, just anything at the moment because I am seriously worried! I have spoken to my health visitor multiple times about this who just says it’s normal but it’s going on so long now that I don’t know what to do!

He has been referred for an autism assessment so I don’t know if it’s sensory, he’s being picky or there’s something underlying but I feel like I’m not being listened to!

I guess I just need some advice - any mothers with toddlers been through the same? What helped? What can I do to get him back into a routine and to get him to love food again?!

Otherwise In himself he is happy and very energetic, developing lovely. He is very active and still having normal wet nappies and normal poos.

Any advice would be great because I’m near tears here!

OP posts:

EcoCustard · 01/02/2022 21:26

Dc4 is 2.5 and been very picky since November, he ate everything but now “me no like it”, “it you just”, or “it stink”. All his siblings went through a fussy stage between 2-3.5. I will keep offering stuff and it will pass.

ImFree2doasiwant · 01/02/2022 21:30

I think its a pretty standard phase . Try to relax. You decide what to give him, he decides what to eat. I used to put a couple if baby rice cakes on the plate when ds1 went through this. Once he'd eaten them he'd move onto something else. If I dudnt put them on he dudnt get started at all

Yotrotro · 01/02/2022 21:31

I second SR nutrition on insta, and also feedinglittles. Both have some really good advice and ideas. It's a totally normal phase and does feel like it lasts forever, but then a magic switch just goes again at some point and they start eating well again.

PinkSyCo · 01/02/2022 22:09

Most kids go through a fussy stage at around your DS’s stage. I think it’s more a way for them to exert some control more than anything and I think the more stressed you get about it the bigger the battle you become. You’re quite lucky that some of the things your DS will eat are pretty healthy so I would just keep offering those with a bit of cheese/ham/veg/fruit or whatever you’re eating on the side and leave him to it. He won’t starve and will soon start eating a more varied diet again.

TrundlingAlong · 01/02/2022 22:10

What's his weight/percentile like? And is he maintaining it? If weight is OK, weeing and pooing is OK and energy levels are OK (and GP agrees) then I think you can afford to step back a bit and treat it as standard toddler behaviour - which it is. Echoing others, I'd just keep on serving up a decent range of foods and let him crack on with eating them or not as he likes. If he used to enjoy a range of foods happily then chances are he will again.

reluctantbrit · 01/02/2022 22:25

I think we all went through phases were our children suddenly stopped eating.

Two things I learned: dont' force things, offer what you eat, ideally do meals together so your child can see you eating what you give him as well.

Food has to be separeated. No idea why but suddenly DD wouldn't eat anything mixed up. So we had a spoonful of rice, a spoonful of chicken and a spoonful of peas next to each other and she would eat it. Mixed up = full refusal.

Netty909 · 01/02/2022 22:51

My daughter was like this. I got her a really nice big colourful tray with little compartments and put little bits of what she liked to eat and sneaked in a couple of others, and left it on coffee table so she could help herself. Though not perfect she did eat more as she loved the tray and there was no expectation. Her eating really improved when she went to nursery and wanted to be like the other children when they all ate their lunch.

DaisyDreaming · 02/02/2022 01:43

So many replies on here are harsh. If the child has ASD I doubt they are trying to manipulate their parent. Those foods they eat feel safe and others don’t to them. I think current advice is to serve then what they will eat but with a small portion of a different food on the plate and make no comment when it goes untouched.

Outwiththenorm · 02/02/2022 06:06

DS went through a phase like this too. We found that the odd meal in front of the tv would ensure that he cleared his plate. It also got much easier when he started nursery and saw the other children eating well.

Antsgomarching · 02/02/2022 06:26

DD food really narrowed just before 2, before she would happily eat veg, meat eggs etc. she basically started to refuse to eat anything other than fruit, bread, yoghurt and plain pasta with cheese on it. Slowly slowly she’s started eating meat again, our only sticking point is veg and eggs. Unless theres a sensory issue I think they grow out of it themselves. We kept presenting her with a normal dinner and if she didn’t eat it there was always something she would eat in the fridge but we started each dinenrtime on the assumption she would be eating the same as us.

Mumbean12 · 02/02/2022 06:53

If you have an instagram account “kids eat in colour” is a wonderful resource. It made a huge difference to our family mealtimes.

JustWonderingIfYou · 02/02/2022 07:14

Pretty sure there's naturally a fussy phase around 2.

Its to do with being of a wondering age and to protect them back in our caveman days. Stop them eating random berries etc.

2 options- feed only what he'll eat until he gets bored and eats or you have a very fussy child.
Or ignore it completely and serve what you are eating, if he eats it great ,if not also great. I prefer 2nd option but my 2 year old was still having bedtime milk so never went to bed super hungry and always ate well at breakfast. Fussy phase was a month or so.

CorsicaDreaming · 02/02/2022 20:18

@deleteasappropriate

I'm sure I'll be jumped on for this, but in 1979 when my two year old wouldn't eat anything but biscuits my gp said let her have them - she'll get bored and start eating other things. In this instance he was right - I stopped worrying about it, put biscuits in front of her and gave my other daughter real food. Less than a week and she started eating a normal diet. (He was also the GP who told me it was fine to just say no to my toddler). Don't sweat the small stuff, give what they'll eat without fuss but make what you're eating more interesting.

I agree with you @deleteasappropriate

My son (now 8) has been picky forever. He still is fairly limited in what he eats. He is thin but bags of energy. My mum - retired consultant paediatrician- is robust like your GP, and thinks providing they've got access to food and do have plenty of energy then just accept it.

(Although clearly if your child seems poorly, listless or is really thin you should get medical advice, @Cryingintomypillow )

If just a limited diet at that age I generally just give a plate of lots of bits and no pressure is my view. It's the one thing small children have some control over in their life - and many flavours and textures to try and get used to and sort out. So my view is to pick your battles...
and let food not be it.

My DS even now will mainly eat Marmite rice cakes, boiled rice, sausages, fish fingers, cucumber and yellow pepper (has to be yellow!). Occasionally spag bog, sometimes not. Better hit rate on pork meatballs and spaghetti... hates chips, burgers and peas.

But then he willl randomly eat the weirdest things (these mainly on holiday when on my plate!) soft shell crab tempura, pan fried cuttlefish, a whole fish.

Totally bizarre.

I've just gone with it, gradually introduced things (and accept losing half of my v expensive treat of a restaurant dinner 🤨) - and then he will revert to the old favourites

I'm hoping he will just gently increase what he will eat if he's left to eating and feels some level of choice and self control over this area of his life... but I agree it was really hard at 3 years old, esp when all the other NCT toddlers were eating anything put in front of them!

Vittoria123 · 21/07/2024 12:54