AIBU to be upset about reaction to menopause

[pumpkinsquish1]

I have one DD and that was always the plan, just to have one. I found out recently that at the ripe old age of 32, I'm going through menopause. My mum went through it at 53 so I didn't think it would happen quite so early.

I told a friend recently who said 'what does it matter anyway, I thought you didn't want more kids?'. She later went on to say I'm lucky to not have to deal with periods anymore.

AIBU to think this was quite insensitive?

What do you think menopause is? No periods?

You must know about basic women's health - contraception? Cervical cancer? Pregnancy care? Breast cancer? Menopause is equally significant.

It's terrible that women have so little knowledge about such an important biological reality.

@pumpkinsquish1, there are lots of helpful posters on the Menopause board.

Also here:
www.menopausematters.co.uk/forum/index.php

You'd think by now, everyone should know (especially women) that menopause has serious life-long health consequences (e.g. osteoporosis), and early menopause is pretty bad news health-wise.

Why would you? Is there some sort of public service announcement you think we've all missed?

Is it taught in school ? Nope. I've got a degree in zoology, covered reproduction, human animal and plant many times - it was never mentioned. Not once.

Is it publicised by the health service - nope.

Is it generally talked about in society - nope. This is starting to change but its still basically the great biological unmentionable.

So bore off with your faux outrage.

@Porcupineintherough

You'd think by now, everyone should know (especially women) that menopause has serious life-long health consequences (e.g. osteoporosis), and early menopause is pretty bad news health-wise.

Why would you? Is there some sort of public service announcement you think we've all missed?

Is it taught in school ? Nope. I've got a degree in zoology, covered reproduction, human animal and plant many times - it was never mentioned. Not once.

Is it publicised by the health service - nope.

Is it generally talked about in society - nope. This is starting to change but its still basically the great biological unmentionable.

So bore off with your faux outrage.

Please tell me you’re joking…

@Porcupineintherough

You'd think by now, everyone should know (especially women) that menopause has serious life-long health consequences (e.g. osteoporosis), and early menopause is pretty bad news health-wise.

Why would you? Is there some sort of public service announcement you think we've all missed?

Is it taught in school ? Nope. I've got a degree in zoology, covered reproduction, human animal and plant many times - it was never mentioned. Not once.

Is it publicised by the health service - nope.

Is it generally talked about in society - nope. This is starting to change but its still basically the great biological unmentionable.

So bore off with your faux outrage.

Absolutely! This thread is the first time that I (a woman in her late 40's) have ever heard that there are serious health consequences from early menopause. There is no reason I should have known about it! And I don't appreciate basically being called ignorant for not knowing.

Yanbu. There’s a lot mentally and physically to menopause and particularly early menopause. Your friend was very insensitive but then I don’t think all women (of any age) are well versed in the intricacies of menopause and what feelings it can trigger until they experience it themselves. There’s a weird grief to the feeling of that monthly rollercoaster being over. Of course nobody misses the actual periods but I think some of us miss what it represents.

@Ohfortheloveofgodwhatnow

Yanbu. There’s a lot mentally and physically to menopause and particularly early menopause. Your friend was very insensitive but then I don’t think all women (of any age) are well versed in the intricacies of menopause and what feelings it can trigger until they experience it themselves. There’s a weird grief to the feeling of that monthly rollercoaster being over. Of course nobody misses the actual periods but I think some of us miss what it represents.

This. Poor OP, you must be gutted. I know I would be. I hope your dr will offer you suitable treatment. Take care x

@BlackMagicWimpund

I suspect those responding haven’t been through early menopause themselves. YANBU - it was a stupid thing to say

Agreed.

Op your friend was incredibly insensitive. Possibly because they didn't know what it means. I would say something about how insensitive it was and how upset it made you.

@RobotValkyrie

It's a remarkably stupid/ignorant thing to say, and I'm a bit shocked (but not surprised) that some posters here are repeating the same shite.

You'd think by now, everyone should know (especially women) that menopause has serious life-long health consequences (e.g. osteoporosis), and early menopause is pretty bad news health-wise.
But no, some people are still basking in blissful ignorance.

I agree with this as well.

I think ignorance really does come into play as menopause is only starting to be talked about so many younger women will possibly think it's just stopping having periods. I will hold my hand up and say I wasn't fully aware of all the other things that come along with menopause.

Wow, a woman is facing a significant change both physically and mentally and that’s your response.

The people who "don't see the issue" are clearly staggeringly ignorant about what the menopause actually is for many women.

Its as much just not having periods as puberty is just having to remember to buy sanitary products.

Bloody hell.

Very insensitive thing to say. But sorry to tell you, get used to it. You’ll get more comments telling you what a great time you’re having, more telling you you’re a mess and can’t thing straight or control your emotions (even when you can perfectly, and lots of ignorant comments and eye rolls about menopausal women or hot flushes when people have no idea you’re going through the same.

Menopause can be difficult to deal with at any age but I found early menopause very traumatic. It was like the premature death of my younger self. I’ve gone from being relatively carefree to you basses with ageing, worried I look older than same aged colleagues or a wreck compared to normal ones, any respite in symptoms gives hope that’s dashed and any return of symptoms sends me into a paranoid spin. I suggest a support group and a good GP if you can find one.

@drpet49

I don’t see the issue. You don’t want more kids.

How about Increased risk of osteoporosis Increased risk of some cancers Increased risk of heart issues And just the added misery of going through menopause so early in life Did you actually think before you answered

OP I’m so sorry that the first two respondents were so harsh.
I’m also sorry you are facing menopause at such a young age. There is so much more to menopause as pp have said.

Well feeling the full effects of the slide into menopause, I think I would have been tempted to slap her. You're very young to have to start worrying about your bone health.

"woman in her late 40's) have ever heard that there are serious health consequences from early menopause. There is no reason I should have known about it! And I don't appreciate basically being called ignorant for not knowing"

Ignorance is basically a lack of knowledge in a subject. You are saying you don't know about it therefore are ignorant in it.

It's not just early menopause that has health issues either.

Thankfully it's becoming more mainstream to talk about it especially as some high profile women have opened up about their experiences. I do think as a woman, we need to be more knowledgeable in woman's health. Sadly gps are not often helpful so we need, far too often, to fight our corner.

It's a very insensitive thing to say because ideally friends are not there to advise you that things are good or bad but to be sympathetic and listen. Especially when they are really ignorant of the consequences as well.

Surely someone can imagine that it could be hard hearing that your reproductive life is over in your early thirties whether you like it or not, and that's a big thing to come to terms with, let alone the health consequences that have to be dealt with when you undergo menopause.

Also, there's been a whole heap of stuff on TV and in the newspapers recently with books and articles about how difficult the menopause is for so many women, that's when it happens at the usual time, earlier is even harder.

Your friend is tactless as are a few on here.

@Alpinechalet

OP I’m so sorry that the first two respondents were so harsh. I’m also sorry you are facing menopause at such a young age. There is so much more to menopause as pp have said.

I was one of those. I said that her friend probably meant it in a "look on the bright side" kind of way, in otherwise was trying to make her feel positive. How is that "so harsh" I didn't even give my own thoughts on menopause, just that her friend was probably trying to make her feel better :/

@UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme

The people who "don't see the issue" are clearly staggeringly ignorant about what the menopause actually is for many women.

Its as much just not having periods as puberty is just having to remember to buy sanitary products.

Bloody hell.

Bloody hell yourself!

Yes, I am ignorant of what menopause involves, having not gone through it myself yet. I don't think that is something I should be ashamed about.

Sorry my post was all doom and gloom. If you can’t already tell, I’m having a very menopausal day. Some people sail through, all the way or for periods of time. May you be one of them!

@Anonymous48 why come on a thread where menopause is the topic and reply if you are unaware of the issues? It's not exactly helpful to the op.

And I strongly believe we should all be much knowledgeable about the menopause. It honestly makes so many womens life difficult and causes issues. Knowledge of what to look for and knowledge of what we can do about it if our symptoms are bad is so important

Your friend was breathtakingly insensitive op as have been a few others on the thread.

And actually this has highlighted the ignorance and lack of education about menopause. I am gobsmacked that one poster has told another to bore off for highlighting these potential difficulties. Menopause is something that will affect us all. There are things we can do physically pre menopause to reduce the risk of osteoporosis in later life. We all need to be aware of what women go through and I for one am glad that menopause is being discussed more publicly by well known figures like Davinia McCall and others. I watched a news programme recently where a woman shared her story that she had left her job as the thought she had early onset dementia due to severe brain fog caused by menopause. The more people who share their experiences the better equipped we will all be to deal with it when it happens to us and the less ignorance there will hopefully be

Anonymous48 why comment on something you know nothing about? If someone is upset by something that you nothing about, is your first response always to weigh in unsympathetically?

We should all be furious that until recently meno has been seen as something shameful, information hard to come by and GPS often clueless or out of date. You'll need HRT until the average meno age of 52 to protect heart and bones and don't let your doc fob you off. The Daisy Network is for women with premature meno and also look at the website Menopause Matters and FB groups. Oestrogen Matters is a useful book. Big hugs.

There is a LOT more to the menopause than not being able to have kids anymore. It can really suck and 32 seems terribly young, YANBU.