To tell social worker to leave me alone

[Feduptomyears]

Bit of a hard one, I’ve been reading up on my rights and laws etc.
In the last year I have left an abusive relationship and had to involve police to actually remove my ex partner. I have done all I can to keep myself and the kids safe - went to court for a restraining order, called the police every time he turned up, reported every contact, changed my phone number/deleted social media and looking for a new home. Had a really lovely social worker who did her assessment then closed the case as there was nothing SS could do for me and I was keeping my children safe and happy. THEN my ex turned up at my door, was removed by police and so ss have obviously received a report. Harrassment seems to have stopped now although ss are not leaving me alone. I am not on a CIN or CP plan as they are just carrying out another assessment which is voluntary but I have allowed them to visit me and the kids. I was then told that a student (which I did not consent to, do I have to consent? ) would be contacting me to finish assessment. I have done a 45 min video call with her and at the end she asked if she could come round one day this week. I explained that I’m working full time and am out early and home late and this week especially I don’t have any free time but maybe next week. She has continued to text me paragraphs all week from 9am every day asking to come round but I genuinely cannot get the time off. Reiterated this to which she says she is willing to come after I get home from work. This is usually around 6.45 and then it’s a rush to get the kids bathed, in bed, packed lunches made clothes ironed etc, I don’t really want a social worker in my house at this time if I’m honest.
This morning she has messaged me but I haven’t replied as I’m at work so then i have received another message saying she will be going to the kids school to speak with them alone (????) I haven’t consented to this at all and will not consent to this. At this point I have called my actual social worker who has informed me that they WILL be speaking to the kids alone and yes the assessment is voluntary but if I withdraw then they will consider a child protection plan.

I feel as though in domestic abuse cases the mother is always targeted by SS and the father isn’t even contacted. I’ve also been told that if he turns up again and the police are called (the only way to keep us safe) then I will be placed straight on a CP plan. It’s almost like mother’s are punished for getting help and keeping themselves safe.

I’ve done everything I can and am engaging with other professionals to keep safe such as the court, partner link etc so I can’t understand how I could even meet threshold for CP?

Haven't rtft but just to say that SS tried to foist a support worker on me after leaving a dv relationship, but she did go away with eventually!

I absolutely hate social services ! Couldn't have been less supportive - and they got involved after an attack after I'd left !! Bunch of fuckers. They had more detrimental effect on my mental health than the actual relationship.

Hold on OP it will come to an end

@THisbackwithavengeance

Social workers can't win really, can they?

Either they try and work with families and get abuse for being intrusive/over the top/nosy.

Or they ignore complaints, allow themselves to be fobbed off by parents and then a child dies and then they get more abuse for having missed something.

Your XH was abusive - sufficiently so for the police to be involved. Your kids - rightly - are deemed high risk as a result. Just work with them and they'll get off your back soon enough.

This.

Do whatever they say or they Will make your life a misery.

Voluntary with the threat of investigation it is not really voluntary that is awful. I believe if they wanted to investigate they would be doing it so chances are they don't.

However in case there is the slightest chance this does cause more hassle for you or children later I would just get it over with and engage now even though inconvenient.

I’ve also been told that if he turns up again and the police are called (the only way to keep us safe) then I will be placed straight on a CP plan.

I'd like to point out that social workers don't make this decision.
The process is - request a strategy meeting with police. Police review it and decide whether to attend the meeting (they almost always do)
Professionals at this meeting agree whether s47 threshold is met.
If threshold is met, they decide whether to trigger a child protection conference.
If a CPC is convened, the CHAIR decides whether the child becomes subject to a CP plan based on whether threshold for significant harm is met.

If a social worker genuinely told you that they were over stepping massively.

Yes ime it's easier just to go along with it , otherwise there will be ridiculous notes about your lack of engagement . Just do it smile and it'll be over soon enough. You can't win with them.

The whole dv support system is hopeless

I'd just cooperate where SS are concerned.

Why do you mind them seeing the children at school? Refusing implies you have something to hide. They’re probably just checking kids are clean, happy, well fed, feel safe etc?

I think it’s fine to say they need to visit at a different time, explain you need to prioritise getting the kids fed, bathed and into bed in the evenings, laundry and housework etc and suggest they visit on a weekend or another time.

I had a social worker visit me at 6pm she insisted that would have to be the time. She also went to visit my children at school to speak to them alone whilst I believe you have to give consent she made it clear that it would go against me if I didn’t so I consented. If you don’t consent it won’t look good on you.

(This was all because someone made a malicious report against me)

Just let them come on friday. Theres no school the next day.

Understandably you do sound like to have had enough and want to put this phase of your life behind you. But as others have said SS are there for your children. Just let them come on a friday night - so it disrupts the routine - its taking up your time with phone calls and reading these posts! I suspect some part of you is understandably annoyed and don't want the intrusion - but just tick off the box and move forward.

YABU.

I’ve had quite a lot of dealing with Social Services due to having a disabled daughter, and also due to past depression where I was admittedly not the best parent I could be.

My opinion of Social Workers is absolutely abysmal, I can honestly say I’ve never had a positive interaction with one in 11 years. During the depths of my depression none of them could arrange any helpful or meaningful support, they couldn’t get me therapy past the 6 sessions, they wanted me to take anti depressants and just be able to thrive on those alone, they were so rude when they came round one day because my flat was a bit of a tip (I had 2 toddlers and a 7yr old on my own) she suggested I hire a cleaner, I was on Income Support at the time, the only help she could offer was a free toaster and vacuum which I already had, honestly they exacerbated my MH and caused so much trauma to me I still suffer from it now all these years later. And they’re supposed to support parents - huge joke.

And our disability social worker now is also abysmal the only help she’s been able to secure is 1 day in an SEN playscheme each half term. That’s literally it.

I don’t know what the answer is but I do know that the whole Social Service department needs a huge over haul because the practices they have in place do NOT work and are massively routed “1950s style” thought processes, where the mum gets all the hard stuff and the fathers get off scott free.

So yeah people saying social workers can’t do right from doing wrong likely have no idea of how they work.

I have social worker involvement. My best advice is to agree to visits and get it over with. My children do not like the visits- strangers in their bedrooms etc. even sitting on their beds. But I just think get it over with.

From my experience at work I’d back up what @Ironingtsunami has said, providing what you have said is the absolute full and complete story.
People say it’s ‘for the children’, but weigh up as well as your own feelings if they would be impacted by a stranger in a safe space(school) forcing personal conversations. It would upset mine significantly, raise their fear about the situation being serious and unhandled and tech their trust levels. I would consent to school staff being spoke to, but not the children.

@THisbackwithavengeance

Social workers can't win really, can they?

Either they try and work with families and get abuse for being intrusive/over the top/nosy.

Or they ignore complaints, allow themselves to be fobbed off by parents and then a child dies and then they get more abuse for having missed something.

Your XH was abusive - sufficiently so for the police to be involved. Your kids - rightly - are deemed high risk as a result. Just work with them and they'll get off your back soon enough.

It is NOT - I repeat, NOT OP's fault that her husband was abusive.

Hth

@Feduptomyears This -> I’ve also been told that if he turns up again and the police are called (the only way to keep us safe) then I will be placed straight on a CP plan. MUST be reported to the student's manager!! This is absolutely appalling behaviour. I'm outraged for you!!!!

"I’ve also been told that if he turns up again and the police are called (the only way to keep us safe) then I will be placed straight on a CP plan."

LittleOwl153
"Makes my blood boil. What a way to put off someone calling the police to protect their children..."

I was always told the opposite, as long as I was the one who contacted the police, if my ex kicked off, and kept my ds safe, it would be seen as me safeguarding him. Me not contacting the police, would be considered a failure to safeguard.

What ever you do! Make sure it doesn't happen at school! 32 and I'll still never forget it. It was talked about for a long time in school too. Then kids were weird with me.

"I don’t know what the answer is but I do know that the whole Social Service department needs a huge over haul because the practices they have in place do NOT work and are massively routed “1950s style” thought processes, where the mum gets all the hard stuff and the fathers get off scott free."

^I agree with this. My ex didn't have any one coming out to inspect his living arrangements, question him about his personal life, semi lecturing him on stuff in a patronising way, and he was the mentally ill alcoholic, who was the cause of all our woes!

i was in a similar situation. DV, i made him leave by packing a few bin bags and leaving them outside and changing the locks. when he turned up he was causing a scene outside and i told him through upstairs window that he could either take his bags and leave or i would call the police and make him leave. he carried on so i called the police. when he heard me on the phone he ran off with the bags. police showed up and logged it and told me that if he was to turn up again i was to call the police and they would arrest him.

social services called me on the back of the police report and i explained to them everything that had happened. that was the end of that, just a phone call.

after that i had to report his harrassment and threats. he was showing up at the house and at my mums house. i was getting 100's of messages and phone calls per day. i had blocked him on everything and he kept making new facebook accounts and messaging or taking his mums phone and messaging so in the end i had to block her too. he would ring me on private number 100's of times per day.

social services rang again and completed an assessment this time and they arranged for my eldest daughter to have some counselling.

that was the last i heard from them until he got out of prison and started making malicious calls to them.

i had 2 phone calls that were both shut down pretty quickly. it was quite obvious that he was doing it just to get at me because coming directly to me had landed him in jail

Just give her a list of times you can do and she will have to fit in with you!

@Tabitha888

What ever you do! Make sure it doesn't happen at school! 32 and I'll still never forget it. It was talked about for a long time in school too. Then kids were weird with me.

SS visited my kids school to speak to my kids can I ask how it was talked about for a long time and how other kids knew? People always make out no one will know but I can see why the op doesn’t want it the staff will definitely know and it is embarrassing but how did the kids know?

Tbh if I have read this correctly it sounds like you are a case study for this student and there are things she needs to complete which is why she is hassling you.

At my kids’ school, it’s fairly obvious to all the kids when a child is visited by a social worker in school. We live in a small community and everyone recognises the social workers! Plus the other kids ask and the child concerned doesn’t know what to say.