Nighttime anxiety destroying me

[mrshathway]

I’m posting on AIBU because I’m hoping that just one person might be able to give me some advice that will help me with this. Most nights I get off to sleep no problem but wake a few hours later and start completely catastrophizing things that might happen. Currently I’m worried about my DS in his late teens. Much of it is pointless worrying such as he’s not eating healthy lunches at college, then bigger things like he’s going to mess up his A’levels and not be able to proceed with the career he wants. Other times I worry about other stuff which is normally out of my control. Then I literally start worrying about anything and everything else. I can’t get back to sleep so I’m tired the next day and some of the anxiety lingers on although it’s never as bad during the day. Has anyone else been able to manage this? I could really do with some advice or techniques to switch off my brain when this happens.

I used to really really suffer with this, I’m so sorry that you are too.
Things that helped me were a weighted blanket, a coloured light bulb (I used blue), and I’d play a ASMR video in the background (ikea have some and they’re great, not really interesting so they don’t keep you awake but enough to remind you that it’s okay).
I also took St Johns Wort, and would have a warm glass of milk before bed!

When none of this would help, I would get up, go downstairs and turn the lights on, put on something easy going but fun to watch on the tv and something about eliminating the dark and silent nighttime world would really help, though it’s not great for getting back to sleep!

If all else fails definitely approach your GP for therapy and things to help you work through what’s triggering your anxiety!

Listen to a podcast or audiobook on headphones and lie with your eyes closed. Ideally something fairly dull and quiet. Focus on the voice and drift off. That's what I do. When I listen to the voice I stop thinking.

I have developed horrendous anxiety in peri menopause, and can completely sympathise. My anxious brain latches on to something which it would never have previously even give a second thought to, and wakes me, panicking, in the night, and I can’t then get to sleep again. I spend hours catastrophising.

Solidarity with you. It is horrible.

I second the advice to listen to a podcast,
and maybe some over the counter meds like phenergan for short term solution.
I had horrible night anxiety during last summer, dreaded going to bed for what was to follow after a couple of hours of sleep. ^Both of these helped to get out of that cycle.

I feel for you. I had this and it's horrendous. The nights are so long and you are exhausted. Go to your doctor and talk to them about hrt. You are old enough to have a teenage son so you are old enough to be menopausal or in perimenopause. Good luck

I get this every now and again. The Catastrophsing.

I also get Night Rage (i made the name up) where i get angrier and angrier about something until my heart is literally pumping as if i'm in a big argument! Last time it happened i was tossing and turning at 3am with rage about the inconsiderate fuckers who park on the pavement at school pick up ... i mean ...

Good advice given already. I do believe it helps to talk/laugh about it with someone the next day if you can. It takes away a bit of seriousness of it and might help you lighten your mood when it starts happening.

Keep a note pad by the bed and if there's something specific you are turning over and over in your mind sit up and write it down. Do it for each thing which pops up. Let your brain know you will 'deal with it'' in the morning until it runs out of ideas.

in the morning you won't give a fuck but your night brain doesn't know this

@MsAgnesDiPesto

I have developed horrendous anxiety in peri menopause, and can completely sympathise. My anxious brain latches on to something which it would never have previously even give a second thought to, and wakes me, panicking, in the night, and I can’t then get to sleep again. I spend hours catastrophising.

Solidarity with you. It is horrible.

This. Hrt has made the world of difference

My sympathies - it’s absolutely horrible. Podcasts or reading help, but the thing that really works for me is 50mg of Trazadone which is prescribed for anxiety and depression. It’s a really low dose, so I never wake up feeling sluggish. I resisted it for so long, but it’s given me my life back.

I've just come out of a period of this and it's really difficult.

I posted elsewhere that I did have a proper breakdown that lasted a few months and part of what I was doing at nighttime and this is not a recommendation!! was buying online psychic readings where I would be messaging them at 3am looking for reassurances for my worries. I don't even believe in psychics! Lack of sleep can really do terrible things to you.

I use the meditation app headspace. They have nighttime SOS meditations but I find their sleepcasts better. It's just a gentle story with some background noise. The gaps between speaking get longer and eventually you're left with just the background noise. There are 3 on YouTube for free. My favourite is Rainday Antiques: m.youtube.com/watch?v=DkgozEpaeLw

There's another app called Calm which has similar stories and is cheaper. I've only stuck with headspace because I like the founders voice for the meditation side.

I suffer dreadfully with this at the mo. Magnesium has helped a bit. I can get to sleep through reading usually easily enough. But if I wake in the night I get all the fear! I have thought about HRT but my GP was not initially sympathetic - the most I have got out of him is a short term Xanax script - and I HATE going to the doctor.

HRT for peri-menopause. It's a life saver.

Download Insight Timer onto your phone - it is free and there are lots of meditations to help you sleep. All very different so you can pick one that suits you. They do the trick for me. Good luck.

Please don’t continue to suffer like this. Speak to your GP, I had to do this recently and actually started on medication which made me feel dreadful for 2 weeks but now it’s kicked in and I feel like myself again. I’m not saying you should try medication but maybe some counselling would help you.

I could have written this post exactly!
My sympathies - it’s horrendous to have such anxiety in the middle of the night.
I too am at an age where I have teens/young adults and most of my worries are centred around them.
I do wonder if it’s natural to worry about them but added with peri-menopause and needing to get up in the night for a wee it’s exacerbated somewhat.

For those of you who have tried listening to podcasts etc, do you have noise cancelling headphones? Or does the noise not bother your partners?

I do usually have a good nights sleep alternating with a bad night with anxiety so I usually work through the tiredness the next day knowing that night should be better.

This happens to me too, I once read some advice and I feel it helps if you close your eyes and make yourself visualise properly. Allow yourself to think the thoughts and acknowledge them, then imagine you purposefully put them into a box or fold them into an envelope and imagine that being driven away down the road and into the distance and over a hill out of sight. Decide you will not address those thoughts again.

I know it sounds crazy but I find by doing this step by step, you are mentally pushing the thoughts away long enough for your mind to calm. It helps me anyway!

Is this a new thing or have you always been like this?

If always then there are some mindfulness getting back to sleep type apps that take you through different meditations to stop your mind working and get back off to sleep. I find counting backwards from 1000, deep breathing etc helps

But if it's a recent thing it sounds like peri menopause symptoms and hrt can help with that

For me I have to get up, get a drink and snack, turn the light on and put a tv show on my tablet, something like Superstore or Real Housewives or Selling Sunset. I’ll also go online and read Reddit conspiracy theories or something daft like that. If you sort of eliminate the laying in the dark trying to be still and quiet part then it makes it less bothersome for me. It reminds me of being a kid when you couldn’t sleep but you couldn’t do anything and had to stay in bed, it is frustrating and makes things worse. As an adult you can get up and do something else! I find after an hour and a half I have drifted back to sleep with the tv and the light on

Have you had treatment OP? As in antidepressants. Beta blockers. Counselling. CBT?

@Aquamarine1029

HRT for peri-menopause. It's a life saver.

Sadly I can’t have HRT. So my only option is medication, which I am resisting because of side effects, given that I am now 50 and it will be self-limiting in timescale.

I second Headspace app. It’s got me through the pandemic and menopause. I love the Lights journey and both cat marina sleepcasts. I’ve also used the sos meditations day and night.

Key is Distraction.

As @flobot7 says, I find headspace really good for this. The sleep stories do seem to work. And for pp who asked, just normal over ear headphones and DH doesn't notice.

I use Trazodone after a decade of chronic sleep deprivation. It’s a life saver, for me. Is an old school antidepressant/ptsd medication but prescribed off label for insomnia. Could it be your thyroid? That can also cause anxiety, as can other hormonal illnesses. Cortisol overproduction at night could be causing this.

Oh and I also use ASMR videos on youtube, there are millions of free ones with any kind of sound you find relaxing or soothing.

As far as supplements go, strongly consider taking L-Theanine and Gaba when you wake. They are excellent for anxiety and insomnia, and I take them without fail if I wake at 3am.