AIBU to expect a thank you note

[avocadoontoast1]

Until recently I was the only member of my friend group to have children. Two of my friends in the group are a couple and had a DD two months ago.

I'm not on any social media. Myself and the couple went out for dinner and they told me they were expecting as they wanted close friends to find out in person.

Around the due date I met another friend in the group and remarked that the baby would be here soon. She told me the baby was born days before and 'oh you won't have seen as you're not on Facebook'. I felt a bit awkward but text both of them to wish congratulations and they said they'd not thought to message anyone outside of Facebook as things had been hectic.

I had bought their gift weeks earlier and sent it in the post. It was a few bits and pieces, mainly clothing that was definitely to their taste and quite specific. After a week or so one of them text to say thank you. Now, typically what I've done for clothing gifts for my DC is put on said clothing, take a photo and send it on but I know that's not everyones style. Later, I do thank you cards. I understand not everyone has the time or inclination.

I still haven't actually seen a photograph of the baby. A few nights ago my other friend mentioned the couple and I asked if she had photos of the little one as I hadn't yet seen her. My friend said 'what about the one on the thank you card?'. I said I didn't get a card and she went silent. She told me she'd bought them a small gift and received both texts and a thank you card with DD's photograph on the front.

AIBU to be hurt that I didn't get a card when I know others received them?

I'm sure it's an oversight. When I had my baby I was all over the place. I still have thank you cards to send.

Do not take it personally. Some people adapt better, others struggle more when a little newborn arrives. Possible she ordered say 20 cards and used them up and has been meaning to order more. Or she ran out of stamps.

The most important thing, she's a person whose life has just been turned upside down. She could be struggling with any manner of things, lack of sleep, baby blues, or the constant forgetfulness that has plagued me.

The thank you card isn't important, being a friend who is there for her is.

Life is too short. Try not using manners as a stick to beat new parents with.

@Gizacluethen

The conflict with the social media element was that they wanted to tell me they were expecting in person as they didn't want to put it online first.

Not at all conflicting. You don't share pregnancy news with people you wouldn't feel comfortable sharing miscarriage news with as far as I, and most people I think, are concerned.
Plus, you have all the time in the world before you have a baby.
It's exactly what we did.

Agree - no social media posts for us during pregnancy, only 1 after our baby arrived.

Are you the poster who had a strop because they forgot your DC's birthday?

Yep that was my thinking, very similar facts.

Me, as well. The details are incredibly similar, posting style too, only difference is the specific scenario.

God, give them a break. They text to say thank you, which is honestly all I think you can reasonably expect from new parents, especially first timers. With my first, we got lots of gifts. I didn't send cards - there's no way that after recovering from a csection and in a haze of sleep deprivation and shock, I had the time or inclination. I believe that we thanked everyone via text l, email or phone, but it wouldn't suprise me if we accidentally missed someone out or got confused about who had sent what. Perhaps this is what happened in your situation. Perhaps they haven't got round to it yet. Perhaps it got lost in the post. Either way, they have thanked you, even if it's not in the specific way you would have preferred. Cut them some slack, be a supportive friend and don't make it all about you.

Maybe they ordered too few?

Things can be chaotic. I usually assume the best about people until I know for fact otherwise, at least I sleep better. Maybe your card's in the post