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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Finding friend a bit overbearing AIBU?

54 replies

feelingguiltyyy · 31/01/2022 12:54

I am currently flat sharing with a friend and it’s really nice. However there are a few things that have got to me that make me feel a bit drained and want to distance myself from her a little bit, and I don’t know if I’m being mean.

First of all the space - I understand that it’s fun living with a friend and of course I’d like to do stuff, but she’s often at the door as soon as I arrive to greet me, asking what I’m doing, talking to me from outside whilst I’m in my room etc.

I also invited my friend P round for a catch up and, whilst they’ve met before and of course had a chat and a hello, she kind of overtook the night. My housemate also had her friend B round (who I’ve never met). My housemate proceeded to sit in the middle of me and P on the sofa and it became a 4-way conversation for the rest of the night. It just felt as if I had no chance to catch up with P myself as she did come to see me after all. During this she also decided to blurt out to her friend B that I suffer with anxiety.
She also attempts to sit with me and my boyfriend all night (who is round once or twice a week) and makes jokes about third wheeling - of course is nice that she wants to get to know him but we also sometimes want alone time.

She also has had a few instances where she’s gone out drinking and loses things - also calling me and l burst into my room at 3am (when I had to be up at 6 for work).

Sometimes she will point out as well that I’m “having loads of fun” sarcastically if I am not talking much and just sat listening to the conversation.

I just feel a bit overwhelmed and don’t know if I’m being a bit mean? I have distanced myself a little bit and she told me she’s been crying etc so I just don’t know if I’m being a bit mean.

OP posts:
feelingguiltyyy · 02/04/2022 10:24

Thanks all. I can’t move out until summer due to the lease (I mean I could but it’ll be costly) but will definitely!
She went out last night and I’ve woken up to hear a male voice in her room - obviously she’s free to do so but just a warning would be nice so I don’t walk out my room half naked not knowing she’s brought a guy back lol. Also, one of my favourite glasses has been broken in the kitchen Sad next to two empty wine glasses, of course

OP posts:
sweetbellyhigh · 02/04/2022 18:03

What happened to your other thread about this? The one where posters pointed out that you were monopolising the space by expecting to have it to just you and your boyfriend 3 or 4 nights a week? And how you admitted that you had only just stopped the heavy drinking nights out yourself?

See I hate when the OP paints the "friend" as a terrible person and them self as some sort of sainted aunt when it's quite clear that it's just a case of growing apart.

I'd respect you if you took some responsibility for your part in this ie moving in with a friend and then deciding you would actually prefer her to stay in her room/be absent so you can play house with a new boyfriend.

ToothGrinder · 02/04/2022 18:15

Not sure why it's great for you to have a bloke stay over but terrible if she does it. Also yes YABU if you want her to not be in the living room whenever you have a visitor. You sound like you don't really like her so you do need to leave. I wonder what it is about her that is provoking such a strong reaction from you though. Perhaps there are aspects of her behaviour that highlight parts of your own personality that you're a bit ashamed of. Anyway, just move out because it's not working.

gingerhills · 02/04/2022 18:32

I don't think you are being mean or that she is badly behaved. If she grew up in a home where everyone piled in and overshared and got a bit wild at parties, that is her norm. Yours is calmer. You just have different approaches to life. I'd move out soon if I were you. But I'd probably tell a white lie about why, if you want to keep the friendship.

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