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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Offensive comments

43 replies

Worrier101 · 31/01/2022 12:07

Met new boyfriend’s parents last week.

His mum made a few comments in front of us both that indicated that she preferred his last girlfriend.

She said she was so fond of his ex, how lovely she was, she was a very pretty woman, and how much she enjoyed having her over. Then went on to say she misses her company and would like another catchup with her!

This was said in front of me. Why she felt it necessary to say I’ll never know. I know my boyfriend chose to be with me and that’s all that matters but I feel like I’m now I’m competing for his parents approval.

Aibu to think her comments were unnecessary. Surely you would know not to bring up an ex in front of a family members new partner

OP posts:
Tal45 · 31/01/2022 12:15

I doubt this is about you or the ex - it's about him and trying to ruin his relationships so she has control over him. If he didn't stand up for you to her then I'd run a mile.

Bettysnow · 31/01/2022 12:22

Wow! So rude of her! I absolutely adored my sons ex gf but never in a million years would i say something like this if he got himself a new gf! Hopefully he pulled her up on it!

Original poster
Worrier101 · 31/01/2022 12:24

He is visiting her for lunch today and has said he will tell her it was inappropriate. He was annoyed as much as I was

OP posts:
MooSakah · 31/01/2022 12:26

Glad he's saying something she was well out of order

HopefulProcrastinator · 31/01/2022 12:28

This was your first "how much shit" test.

If your boyfriend didn't cut in and say "Mum we're really not interested in hearing about someone no longer in my life" then you have your first clear warning of how this relationship will pan out.

She will continue to purposefully bait you for whatever reason and you'll become the evil "DIL" who constantly resents spending any time near his family.

Unless there's a huge drip feed that his last girlfriend was actually a long term relationship that resulted in children so keeping in touch with the mother of her grandchildren is a reasonable thing for your boyfriend's mum to do then this is dodgy territory that you're better off not wading further into.

Pawsforthought12 · 31/01/2022 12:31

What a nasty cow.i hope your BF will give her a right bollocking.

Runningafteradhdbrain · 31/01/2022 12:32

She's testing you. And him it sounds like. How much are you going to push back on her weird comments?

If he speaks to her about this (and if you're not there to witness, are you sure he will?) - I'd venture to guess she will feign innocence or cry.

Tbh I don't know if I could be bothered with someone whose mum is awful from the jump. You could be in for a lifetime of problems with her if you stick with him.

Original poster
Worrier101 · 31/01/2022 12:39

He will definitely say something. He was as annoyed, if not more than me and he knows she was out of line.

I’m livid. The more I think of it the more annoyed I get.

I’ve told him I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt this time but the next nasty comment and I’ll be cutting her off. He said that’s fair enough and he would understand it if I did

OP posts:
CanofCant · 31/01/2022 12:41

Why didn't he say something at the time?

9ofpentangles · 31/01/2022 12:43

Probably a bit shocked

ArticulatedFox · 31/01/2022 12:47

Very out of order. I suspect when your BF speaks to her about it she will twist things round to make it out like she's the victim. I'd be giving her a wide berth unless she apologises.

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 31/01/2022 12:50

I would have had to have said something at the time.

Do you know why they broke up? Did he cheat on her or something? Just wondering if the mum's sympathies are still with her because of her son treating the ex badly?

Santahasjoinedww · 31/01/2022 12:50

Ime she won't change. When we told dp's dm I was pregnant when he left the room she hissed in my ear his ex wanted his dc!! She refused to be a dgm at all when ds arrived. Been nc since he was a couple of months old.

StoneofDestiny · 31/01/2022 12:54

She is exceptionally rude, controlling and hostile.

Original poster
Worrier101 · 31/01/2022 12:55

I just feel so hurt by it and have felt really down.

I wanted to be liked and well thought of and now I feel like I’ll never measure up

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 31/01/2022 12:56

I bet his ex is completely unaware she had such a good relationship with her MIL!

Loveisthere · 31/01/2022 12:59

Not nice of her at all but when I met ex dp mother for the first time she handed me the wedding album of exdp first wedding. Of course I gushed over them, what else could I do. Then she told me exdp went to tell her his ex had left her and how he was heartbroken and sobbed like a baby
Some people are just generally awful Flowers

Santahasjoinedww · 31/01/2022 12:59

Ime less to consider in your relationship ! Mil lost her ds and dgs. She is the one likely to have any regrets..
We are very happy!
Ask dp to be respectful to you amd never repeat any venom she may have spouted in future.

grumpygiraffe · 31/01/2022 13:01

She’s obviously an arsehole. Why do you care what an arsehole thinks?

Im2022 · 31/01/2022 13:02

…I know my boyfriend chose to be with me and that’s all that matters…

What does this mean? How did he choose you over his ex? Elaborate.

Theblacksheepandme · 31/01/2022 13:08

Worrier101
He is visiting her for lunch today and has said he will tell her it was inappropriate. He was annoyed as much as I was

He should have said something immediately.

Fl0w3ry · 31/01/2022 13:15

My in-laws are like this. Be warned, when your partner mentions it to his parents MIL will likely make you out to be over-sensitive, and give her a bigger reason to “prefer” the ex. I’ve been where you are. It’s not really about you or the ex, it’s about trying to drive a wedge between you and your partner so she can regain control over her precious baby son. MILs like this rarely improve. You are either in for a lifetime of nasty comments or a future of LC/NC with her.

Riapia · 31/01/2022 13:21

He chose you, are you the OW.

RoomOfRequirement · 31/01/2022 13:26

@Im2022

…I know my boyfriend chose to be with me and that’s all that matters…

What does this mean? How did he choose you over his ex? Elaborate.

I don't understand how this is a confusing statement?!

He is no longer with his ex. He is with OP, therefore he has chosen to be with OP. She clearly added it to show she knows she has no reason to be jealous or worried about her DPs feelings about her compared to his ex, like his DM does.

whiteworldgettingwhiter · 31/01/2022 13:41

You should have said 'Oh, my last boyfriend's parents were fabulous! We went on holiday together, I love them to pieces. They were so polite and friendly. I miss them much more than I miss him - ha! ha! It's such a shame that won't be hapening with Bob here!'