Page 2 | Offensive comments

pinkyredrose · 31/01/2022 13:46

You should have said 'Oh, my last boyfriend's parents were fabulous! We went on holiday together, I love them to pieces. They were so polite and friendly. I miss them much more than I miss him - ha! ha! It's such a shame that won't be hapening with Bob here!'

def do this!

Lolamento · 31/01/2022 13:46

You are not the first or the last one to be in this position with future in-laws. It is quite common. You know where you stand now. If family is very important to your boyfriend then this will be a problem. My friend married a guy who told her the family will not interfere and she was not marrying his family. Only to realise very that mummy’s boy was always going to be mummy’s boy. Keep an eye on it.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 31/01/2022 13:48

Why didn't he say something at the time?

That's what I wondered. Granted he couldn't have known (or could he?) that she'd make the first remark, but surely that was the time to shut it down

Be careful, OP; there are an awful lot of men who are always going to say something, but somehow it never quite happens and there's always some excuse

KedgeIsland · 31/01/2022 13:51

@whiteworldgettingwhiter

You should have said 'Oh, my last boyfriend's parents were fabulous! We went on holiday together, I love them to pieces. They were so polite and friendly. I miss them much more than I miss him - ha! ha! It's such a shame that won't be hapening with Bob here!'

Tell her you grade all your boyfriends' mothers out of ten and so far she's on a 2.5 and had better pull her socks up if she wants to avoid the terrible shame of being Bottom of the Boyfriends' Mother League.

I’ve told him I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt this time but the next nasty comment and I’ll be cutting her off.

This sounds a bit mad, OP -- you've met this woman precisely once. There's nothing to 'cut off' as you have no existing relationship. You can obviously say you don't want to spend any more time with her until she stops droning on about his ex, but that's a bit different.

VelvetChairGirl · 31/01/2022 13:57

@Worrier101

Met new boyfriend’s parents last week.

His mum made a few comments in front of us both that indicated that she preferred his last girlfriend.

She said she was so fond of his ex, how lovely she was, she was a very pretty woman, and how much she enjoyed having her over. Then went on to say she misses her company and would like another catchup with her!

This was said in front of me. Why she felt it necessary to say I’ll never know. I know my boyfriend chose to be with me and that’s all that matters but I feel like I’m now I’m competing for his parents approval.

Aibu to think her comments were unnecessary. Surely you would know not to bring up an ex in front of a family members new partner

did he ditch her for you?

HopeYourHighHorseBucks · 31/01/2022 14:01

More than likely it has nothing to do with you.

My last BF mum was like this, I became friendly with the ex through work (long story) she laughed hard when I told her, claimed his mum barely spoke to her and then showed me abusive messages his mum had sent her, because she was dumped by her son. Some mothers can be weirdly competitive with their sons partners, sounds like shes putting you in your place and expecting you to toe the line.

HopeYourHighHorseBucks · 31/01/2022 14:03

Oh and yes when she found out I was friendly with the ex, started dropping in there that she was a bit of a trouble maker. Proper batshit.

Ohmybod · 31/01/2022 14:03

When I first met my now DH, his DB thought it was hilarious to keep “accidentally” calling me by his ex-GFs name and the rest of the family would snigger. I responded by completely ignoring it and when DH mentioned it I told him that it didn’t bother me that he had ex’s. I had those too. But that I found his family unfunny and immature and that he didn’t need to worry about my family doing same as they were beyond that sort of behaviour. He had words. It never happened again. I now have a lovely relationship with them all and find it so weird they once behaved like that.

So, don’t write MIL off just yet. And don’t let her know you’re (quite rightly) irked by this as she might be eating the water and looking for a reaction…

Dixiechickonhols · 31/01/2022 14:14

She was rude. He should have said something at time. Hopefully he’ll nip in bud now.
If she says it again you could turn it around and say why do you keep going on about ‘Gemma’ in front of your son it’s upsetting to him, she wasn’t lovely when she cheated on him/laughed at his erectile disfunction/gave him herpes etc.

SockFluffInTheBath · 31/01/2022 14:18

On the second or third time of meeting my now DH my mum tried to give me the new phone number of an ex of mine she’d doted on. They’re barely civil to each other nearly 20 years down the line. If your DP doesn’t clearly stand on your side of the line then it doesn’t bode well OP.

5128gap · 31/01/2022 14:18

She was saying it for your BFs benefit OP, not yours. She clearly loved this woman, as can happen when someone has been in your family, and is probably sad they spilt up. Rather than having a go at you, she's putting a word in with your BF for the ex, to whom she still feels loyalty. Its obviously rude and tactless, but its not about you.
I must admit, it would make me a bit curious as to thd circumstances around the break up, as this type of loyalty to a child's ex can sometimes be because the parent feels their child was the one at fault.

daisyjgrey · 31/01/2022 14:18

@CanofCant

Why didn't he say something at the time?

Sometimes things need time to process and percolate.

BuickMcKane · 31/01/2022 14:21

@Im2022

…I know my boyfriend chose to be with me and that’s all that matters…

What does this mean? How did he choose you over his ex? Elaborate.

Hmm.. did he break up with her to be with you?

Crunchymum · 31/01/2022 14:31

How did the mother manage to shoehorn all that in? Did your boyfriend not try and shut her down the second her name was mentioned?

And WHY was she being discussed? How did she even come up as a topic of conversation?

Francescaisstressed · 31/01/2022 14:36

He should have said something there and then.
I can think of nothing worse than him having a private convo with his mother now, as you'll never know exactly what was discussed and it almost comes across as childish.

Blue4YOU · 31/01/2022 14:37

I’ve had similar OP. Before they’d even met me MIL told my DH I was a flash in the pan. Told him she didn’t like my name. Constantly asked how his ex’s name was, pretending she couldn’t remember my name (my name is pretty unusual).
She didn’t stop even after I did meet her.
The flash in the pan is now 19 years going. But MIL thinks the sun shines out of DH’s arse. It doesn’t but she won’t see it

DeeCeeCherry · 31/01/2022 14:44

Was he standing there like a little boy whilst mummy said a whole mouthful?

If he didnt defend you at the time, Id swerve him. He's a mummy's boy, youve seen the red flag waving so if you continue with this waste of space, thats on you

PinkSyCo · 31/01/2022 14:45

Wow that is soo rude! I think your bf should have told her to shut up there and then to be honest. Was he with his previous girlfriend a long time? Was their break up pretty recent? Not that any of that would excuse her rude behaviour but it might help to understand it a bit more.