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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

HUsbands xbox games

47 replies

marpelier · 31/01/2022 10:29

DH is pissing me off hugely. He started off playing online games with our now 9yo, a few years ago to keep him company and teach him, which I thought was sweet. Now , he seems more interested in the games than our child. Tonight he was saying to me as I was asking him to put our child to bed, which he had delayed for a half an hour to continue playing, that "you don't understand, that is a weeks worth of effort to build all of that ". "That" being a castle or something in an xbox game. I pointed out it is a game for children and as he is 51yo it was a bit sad that he was so upset about it . Also, if maybe he could put even half that time into actually doing something productive that would be helpful around the house that would be great. He told me to fuck off and finally took child to bed. ( Yes I know I could take child to bed . I have done it every night for years - he is a bad sleeper - I wanted a break for a night).
AIBU to think he is being a prick
Or is he right that he can play his games as much as he wants.

OP posts:
DropYourSword · 31/01/2022 10:32

He's being a right prick by telling you to fuck off, and prioritising gaming over parenting.

But you're being a bit of a prick by being derogatory about his hobby. He's allowed to like what he likes and it's rude to be so dismissive of his interest. It's not gaming in and of itself that's the issue here, it's his problem with prioritising.

CiderJolly · 31/01/2022 10:34

Oh come on @DropYourSword the op was not being a prick- she is right, it’s a game- it would be hard for an adult to keep a straight face and show some appreciation of a Minecraft castle that a middle aged bloke had made 😂

It’s pathetic.

What is he like generally op?

AmandaHoldensLips · 31/01/2022 10:37

And you didn't smash the X-box?

Pazuzu · 31/01/2022 10:37

He's a man. He's not allowed to do anything fun. LTB.

Why is it pathetic? Is everything you ever do oh so bloody grown up and constructive?

CiderJolly · 31/01/2022 10:39

Playing the game isn’t pathetic but taking it so seriously is.

CiderJolly · 31/01/2022 10:40

Telling his partner to fuck off and refusing to do bedtime for his kid is acceptable behaviour to you then @Pazuzu ?

Ileflottante · 31/01/2022 10:41

Wait for the hardcore defenders of ‘gaming’… 😂

Anyone who puts their ‘hobby’ (ha ha ha) above the priority of their child, and who partakes in said ‘hobby’ to the detriment of their marriage and their home, is a twat.

StationaryMagpie · 31/01/2022 10:42

Im with DropYourSword.

Gaming is a perfectly legitimate hobby to have, regardless of your age.

Shirking your duties and being rude to your spouse is dickish behaviour.

Ileflottante · 31/01/2022 10:43

Also ‘in and of itself’ is so overused on here, usually by posters attempting to add gravitas to their posts.

SmolCat · 31/01/2022 10:44

@StationaryMagpie

Im with DropYourSword.

Gaming is a perfectly legitimate hobby to have, regardless of your age.

Shirking your duties and being rude to your spouse is dickish behaviour.

This
ChateauxNeufDePoop · 31/01/2022 10:45

He can't play games as much as he wants as a parent in the same way he can't do any other hobby for as much as he wants - be it intellectual, exercise, or something that people don't value.

Original poster
marpelier · 31/01/2022 10:45

I don't mind him playing the game. I do think the amount of time he spends on it is excessive but be that as it may, he is a father that should tell his 9 year old son to go to bed. In the holidays, when I left them to it they would be up until 11pm, which is fun for a while but not really when I have to get up with the cranky child at 6.30 in the morning.
He also regularly stays up until 2 am playing this game. Reason he gives me is he is "helping out" child. He will then sleep basically all day Saturday. Same thing Sunday.

OP posts:
RachelB1986 · 31/01/2022 10:48

My partner games, he works loads so takes the chance when he can but I honestly don’t care if he does. I’ll happily just sit on my phone etc. when his kids are there at the weekend that’s all his son does and that’s fine but if I asked him to do something he certainly wouldn’t tell me to fuck off, might take him 5 mins to move or whatever. It has a pause button for a reason. Gaming I couldn’t care less, being rude I wouldn’t stand for that

Original poster
marpelier · 31/01/2022 10:54

@CiderJolly

Oh come on *@DropYourSword* the op was not being a prick- she is right, it’s a game- it would be hard for an adult to keep a straight face and show some appreciation of a Minecraft castle that a middle aged bloke had made 😂

It’s pathetic.

What is he like generally op?

He is lovely in lots of ways but swears so much, and I really dislike it. I don't really know why, my dad swore, I swear , I'm not all shocked and bothered , it's just relentless to the point where I have asked him to just go an hour without swearing and he can't. I also don't think it's appropriate to swear so much in front of a young child. We recently had a party and a lot of people commented on how much our 9yo swore. The people commenting were in their early 20's. He is also incredibly grumpy and bad-tempered Other than that he is kind and thoughtful and loving and would do anything for me, so it isn't a case of "he's a shit bloke leave him". I am just over the swearing and the gaming.
OP posts:
AsYouWishButtercup · 31/01/2022 10:55

@DropYourSword

He's being a right prick by telling you to fuck off, and prioritising gaming over parenting.

But you're being a bit of a prick by being derogatory about his hobby. He's allowed to like what he likes and it's rude to be so dismissive of his interest. It's not gaming in and of itself that's the issue here, it's his problem with prioritising.

This.

As a female gamer it’s annoying by when people smarmily say gaming is for children. It’s not.

aSofaNearYou · 31/01/2022 10:58

@DropYourSword

He's being a right prick by telling you to fuck off, and prioritising gaming over parenting.

But you're being a bit of a prick by being derogatory about his hobby. He's allowed to like what he likes and it's rude to be so dismissive of his interest. It's not gaming in and of itself that's the issue here, it's his problem with prioritising.

Agree with this. Obviously he is slacking and told you to fuck off which is the biggest issue here, but at the same time there's no inherent reason to be this derogatory towards this hobby in particular.
Original poster
marpelier · 31/01/2022 11:16

@DropYourSword

He's being a right prick by telling you to fuck off, and prioritising gaming over parenting.

But you're being a bit of a prick by being derogatory about his hobby. He's allowed to like what he likes and it's rude to be so dismissive of his interest. It's not gaming in and of itself that's the issue here, it's his problem with prioritising.

Well what would be your advice be then? Besides calling me a prick. Which I didn't call him btw. If I'm being a prick by not appreciating the value of his xbox castle . DO I just leave him to it then? He doesn't prioritise!!!!. That was my point . SOrry if that wasn't clear. You would be happy with your DH staying up until 2am to build a castle on a computer game and then be too tired to do anything useful the next day? Would you seriously say - wow well done that's amazing? That's the best castle I've ever seen, and the moat is spectacular, whilst you cleaned and washed and cooked and raised your child. Righto then.
OP posts:
DropYourSword · 31/01/2022 11:29

Firstly, it was in your OP asking AIBU to think he is being a prick

I agreed that he was!

Popcornriver · 31/01/2022 11:38

YANBU. Adults can play video games, I don't think there's anything wrong with that. But he can't choose to play games when he should be doing his fair share of household stuff and childcare. He also shouldn't have told you to fuck off. Totally unacceptable.

Ileflottante · 31/01/2022 11:42

I’ve dated ‘gamers’ in the past. I would never touch someone again who is a ‘gamer’. Not to completely shit on it as a hobby, but it’s the only hobby I’ve ever encountered that seems to always impinge upon the rest of life. And that’s because it’s addictive in a way that cycling, or cross-stitching or archery or horse ridingor any other hobby isn’t. It’s screen-based, they don’t have to move or go anywhere to do it and just like drugs, it kicks off the pleasure/reward dopamine loop in the brain. As a result, just like selfish drug users, they justify putting off things like their kids’ welfare and stay up until the early hours. It’s so common. And for me, I find it pathetic and unattractive.

Just like not every coke user is an addict, I’m sure there are gamers who aren’t like my description above, but every single man I’ve encountered who games, has been like that.

Original poster
marpelier · 31/01/2022 11:43

Thanks all. I'm over it. Will move on.

OP posts:
Original poster
marpelier · 31/01/2022 11:44

Haha. SHit you can't edit on Mumsnet. I mean move on from the thread not from DH.

OP posts:
Original poster
marpelier · 31/01/2022 11:45

ANd @Ileflottante has it in one.

OP posts:
SmolCat · 31/01/2022 12:09

@marpelier

Thanks all. I'm over it. Will move on.
I don’t think you should move on. 1) Your DP is swearing so much around your child that he can’t go one hour without it and your child is picking it up to the point people are commenting. 2) He’s not willing to parent your child 50/50.

The gaming is a red herring. He needs to step up.

Original poster
marpelier · 31/01/2022 13:28

@SmolCat - you may be right

OP posts: