AIBU mental health support

[Dividedcake]

I feel very unwell. My son 2 has cancer. I feel very alone. I will have to go back to work soon as have used up most of my sick pay and need to keep a roof over our heads. The thing is I can’t imagine doing this right now. I have frequent thoughts and urges to end my life. I don’t deserve to live if my baby’s life is threatened. I have tried to speak to my gp about this and they only have econsult, the ability to make an appointment doesn’t exist and you are lucky if they ring you rather than give you a txt that you can not reply to. I do not feel that they understand the severity of my thoughts. I don’t know where to turn to. Has anyone any experience in this and what should I do? I have private medical insurance but from what I can tell I need a gp referral for a psychiatrist however seeing as I can not speak to one I don’t know how that would happen. Any advice anyone?????

Oh my goodness please reach out to anyone. Call your GP again see them online call your HV see if they can help. See if you are entitled to benefits if you are signed off sick to look after your little boy.
Your post is heartbreaking please know you can be helped please reach out like you have here. Your baby needs you. Have you hit family or dh to help.
I'm sorry I'm not being very helpful but hopefully someone will come along with great advice. Keep talking and I wish you all the very best and I hope your little boy makes a full recovery. I cannot imagine how desperate you must be. Big big hug from me xx

Some pointers here - www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/seeking-help-for-a-mental-health-problem/where-to-start/

You need urgent help, so please try a few things until you get the support you need. Have you got any close friends/family to lean on?

Yes I have DH but he doesn’t not feel great either and I have always been his support but I don’t feel like the pillar I have been before. Only family near is his who have never once asked me how I am and are completely selfish in their thoughts of my son. So no, no help. My situation is pretty shit and I don’t want a pity party but I don’t know how to go about services as the go doesn’t seem to want to know. I’ve only seen a health visitor once soon after he was born and she told me I was one point under what they would score as post natal depression so I should try to ‘keep positive’ . Thanks both for replying I appreciate it x

How are you signed off from work if not able to speak to GP?

If you are really unable to speak to them and you feel at risk of harming yourself you can go to A&E to seek help.

Sending prayers for your son and for you.

Google getting help and make a self referral. Also speak.to macmillan re financial support. Consider applying for Pip. Also speak to main other cancer charities. There will be help out there.

@Dividedcake

Yes I have DH but he doesn’t not feel great either and I have always been his support but I don’t feel like the pillar I have been before. Only family near is his who have never once asked me how I am and are completely selfish in their thoughts of my son. So no, no help. My situation is pretty shit and I don’t want a pity party but I don’t know how to go about services as the go doesn’t seem to want to know. I’ve only seen a health visitor once soon after he was born and she told me I was one point under what they would score as post natal depression so I should try to ‘keep positive’ . Thanks both for replying I appreciate it x

How worrying that a HCP of which I am one said "keep positive" I would have expected them to follow this up and do a clinical review. Please reach out to the addresses given by pp. You can get the support you so clearly need. I'd call the GP again today and explain you need to see them face to face there is no reason that this cannot be accommodated now on the part of the GP. Please reach out. I wish I could help more.

The econsult service you can request a fit note online and then they do it but that’s it. They have done so for 3 months without attempting to speak to me despite me writing how unwell I am feeling. I had one appointment after a high speed crash I was in ( not my fault a lorry side swiped and t boned us atleast a mile on the way to take my son for his chemo) after the physio I saw insisted that a gp saw me and they honestly did not make eye contact with me. I will not go to A&E and put my self at risk of getting any germs that will put my immunosuppressed son at risk. So this is the situation I’m in x

That is so bad that you have written how bad you are and they are not seeing you. I'm assuming you have called the reception, and explained.

Good point about the germs. What about phoning 111, who could hopefully give you a gp appointment? Or could you send your insurers a copy of the sick note, or are you signed off due to the crash rather than depression?

I think depression often makes people meek and polite, but to be listened to you have to cause a fuss: cry, shout, demand help. You deserve help so you can continue to support your son.

Iv written about 4 econsults now, you can not make any headway with reception as they make you do an e consult. I am signed off with depressed and then crash happened and with a phone call diagnosed me with ptsd? I just feel like I’m going on for no reason now, what’s the point. Go services seem to be so different depending on where you are as a country: btw if I answer yes to the question of suicidal thoughts on the econsult then it says to go to a&e and will not let you continue. I can’t do that so I write a detailed description in th text boxes.

Have you written on your e consult that you have suicidal thoughts and are feeling worse? I’m shocked that you haven’t been seen properly. I think you might need an urgent referral to a mental health team to get the help you deserve. I would put that in an e consult tomorrow and if no headway email a complaint to the GP practice manager (they should have the email on your GP website). You could also try speaking to 111 or googling the mental health Crisis team in you area?

I’m so sorry things are really difficult right now. You deserve help and you can feel better.

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way - it sounds so very difficult.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected].

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek real-life help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Some further support links:

NHS: Where to get urgent help for mental health
NHS: Looking after your mental health
MIND: Coping with mental health problems during coronavirus
CALM: The Campaign Against Living Miserably
NHS: Help for suicidal thoughts

Very best wishes from MNHQ.

Hello - I empathise so much with how you’re feeling having had my daughter go through cancer age 6 and now really struggling with depression.

It may be worth asking your sons team if they have a psychologist you can see - ours did and that helped. Or if he has a link nurse tell them how much you’re struggling and they may well be able to get you a GP appt - ours could work wonders.

Take as much care of yourself as you can, I know it’s awful.

It is disgraceful how your GP is behaving. Would your private insurance accept a referral from a private GP? It obviously costs but you can usually be seen with in a few days, possibly the same day.

How are you @Dividedcake? 💐

If you Google your area and mental health crisis line you should get cris support line. This is way of referring yourself urgently to mental health services. They can assess your needs and if necessary tie you in with the Home Treatment Team. They are the gatekeepers for admission to a mental health bed but tbh they are not always the best places to be. Because of a shortage of beds, they are filled with very unwell patients and can be very disturbing for you, and I'm sure you wouldn't want to be away from your baby.

You can also self refer to IAPT (improved access to psychological therapies) but the waits are very long and as you are having suicidal thoughts, you need urgent help. If you have insurance in your shoes I would use it for this purpose. Unfortunately NHS mental health services aren't very good (not helpful to you, I know).

Good luck xxx

OP, can you afford to quit your job and claim UC as your son's carer? Do you get benefits for your son?

benefits-calculator-2.turn2us.org.uk/

www.macmillan.org.uk/get-involved/campaigns/get-support?&infinity=ict2~net~gaw~ar~305826572564~kw~%2Bchild%20%2Bcancer%20%2Bsupport~mt~b~cmp~G_PS_CS_UK_GEN_NON-CANCER+TYPE_DEMOGRAPHY_BM~ag~Children&gclid=CjwKCAiAl-6PBhBCEiwAc2GOVLkKQ4TSUQjZkaIKIr693Z8SRPNlcZg_-JiCYIMWZcG6GZFUiU9r8xoCm6EQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

(sorry for the long and bizarre link)

Also, a lot of areas you can self refer for MH services, especially your local MH crisis team...google it. And call Macmillan (number in link)

Ring your private healthcare provider and most have s mental health line and might be able to offer you an appointment with one of their GPS or counsellors. I am sorry you feel like this but you are not alone.

Agree with PP-you likely don't need a mental health referral from GP. Your insurance will have it's own MH line or you can access a private GP through your insurance.

@Dividedcake

Iv written about 4 econsults now, you can not make any headway with reception as they make you do an e consult. I am signed off with depressed and then crash happened and with a phone call diagnosed me with ptsd? I just feel like I’m going on for no reason now, what’s the point. Go services seem to be so different depending on where you are as a country: btw if I answer yes to the question of suicidal thoughts on the econsult then it says to go to a&e and will not let you continue. I can’t do that so I write a detailed description in th text boxes.

Hi Iv just stumbled across your thread and realised it's been a while since you posted. I just wanted to reach out and say everyone that's posted above would be there if you needed a chat. Please reach out if you need to youl find no judgment here just a friendly ear xx