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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To sever joint tenancy even though DH doesn't agree??

92 replies

FigOPig · 30/01/2022 20:34

My husband and I own our house, both on the deeds.

When we bought it we naively didn't really talk much about what would happen on death, we didn't even have a will, and we proceeded as joint tenants without really giving much thought as to what it would mean.

Anyway, fast forward to now and we have a son together. My husband also has two older children from his ex.

I've been thinking more and more about this lately and I would like to change to tenants in common so I can ensure my 50% of the house goes to DS. It is likely to be the only thing of real substance we have to leave the children as we don't have huge amounts of assets.

I would like to do our wills so that whoever is left has life time occupancy of the property but it's then split 50% to DS and DHs half to whoever he wishes (obviously likely to be the children).

DH doesn't agree and wants to keep as joint tenants so the house passes wholly to whoever is left. It would then leave that person free to give it to whoever they wish in their will. In theory if it were me, I could not give DSC anything at all or if it were DH, he could split it evenly between the 3 which I don't feel is fair.

Anyway, I've been reading up and it seems you don't actually need the other owners permission to go ahead.

If DH really puts his foot down and says no to doing it amicably, WIBU to do it anyway?

I really don't feel comfortable with the idea of not being able to control my share of the house and leave it to my son. It's what I wish to do with it if something ever happened to me.

OP posts:
millymolls · 30/01/2022 21:55

Do it
Me and dh chsnged to tenants in common for purpose of wills. My 59% goes to our children then he has lifetime interest
Then vice Versa

DixonD · 30/01/2022 21:56

It’s very important you register the severance with the Land Registry. A solicitor can do all this for you.

Iamthedom · 30/01/2022 22:23

There is a excellent wills writer on mumsnet
Mumblechum @ Marlowe Wills
They did exactly what your asking about for my parents a few years ago
Very easy and all done over the phone
It’s the only way that your 50 percent of the house will go to your son
Men often marry much quicker after the death of a wife and the second wife and her family often walk away with the first wife’s assets when the husband dies
If you want to ensure your child inherits what is yours then you need to do this
I would also ensure that a close family member that you trust has a copy of your will and details of where its kept
My parents will was kept with Will Safe so it made everything dead easy - excuse the pun 😂 to deal with

Avocadoandlemons · 30/01/2022 22:29

@MadeForThis

If it remains as joint tenants and you die first, it isn't just the house being divided in three you need to worry about. He could marry again and the house could go to his new wife on his death. All the kids could get nothing.
This exactly. I've seen this happen more than once.
JenniferAlisonPhilippaSue · 30/01/2022 22:35

I’m pretty sure that you do need his permission. The form you have to fill in to register this with the Land Registry and get a Form A Restriction on your deeds makes it pretty clear you both have to sign: assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/712036/JO__2018-05-25_.pdf

Mogul · 30/01/2022 22:46

What happens if one of you dies first but the other then needs to sell the house to pay for care home fees? Or wants to downsize to something more manageable

Vintagevixen · 30/01/2022 22:52

[quote JenniferAlisonPhilippaSue]I’m pretty sure that you do need his permission. The form you have to fill in to register this with the Land Registry and get a Form A Restriction on your deeds makes it pretty clear you both have to sign: assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/712036/JO__2018-05-25_.pdf[/quote]
I've been through the process and it's untrue to say you need his permission.

I did this as soon as my relationship with XP ended - this was the first thing my solicitor had me do. She sent off the paperwork and only had to have proof that a notice had been posted out to him to inform him of the change.

XP would NEVER have agreed to anything I wanted to do re. the house, luckily it didn't matter and he could do nothing to stop the change.

The next thing she had me do was change my will pronto to ensure my share went only to DD, and to do this we had to change from a joint tenancy to tenants in common.

Do it OP - the point about him remarrying if you die is very valid - your son could be left with nothing otherwise.

TheFrogAndHen · 30/01/2022 23:20

@Mogul

What happens if one of you dies first but the other then needs to sell the house to pay for care home fees? Or wants to downsize to something more manageable
The other spouse can still do whatever they like with their own 50%.

If they sold, they would need to give 50% of the proceeds to whoever OP had named (her son).

If he needed to sell to go into care only 50% of the proceeds could be used for that care.

Basically her husband would be left only owning 50% of the equity in the house if she died but he'd be able to live there for as long as he wanted / died.

Tereseta · 30/01/2022 23:23

[quote JenniferAlisonPhilippaSue]I’m pretty sure that you do need his permission. The form you have to fill in to register this with the Land Registry and get a Form A Restriction on your deeds makes it pretty clear you both have to sign: assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/712036/JO__2018-05-25_.pdf[/quote]
No you don't, you send him notice recorded delivery and sent that proof to land registry. Solicitor will sort at the same time as will. He is notified by the land registry on the Form A restriction being registered on the title.

Iamthedom · 30/01/2022 23:24

Itv can be set up so that the person left alive can move house but I don’t know how it works
But it definitely can be done as it was in my parents will

Porcupineintherough · 30/01/2022 23:25

Well you can but if you die tomorrow how is your ds going to fund the mortgage and maintenance of his share. And what financial state will you be leaving your dh in, now he has far more financial responsibility and a the parenting responsibility?

TheFrogAndHen · 30/01/2022 23:28

@Porcupineintherough

Well you can but if you die tomorrow how is your ds going to fund the mortgage and maintenance of his share. And what financial state will you be leaving your dh in, now he has far more financial responsibility and a the parenting responsibility?
That's not how it works. Her son doesn't become an owner of the house or named on the deeds/mortgage. He is just entitled to OPs share of the proceeds on its sale.
AmyandPhilipfan · 30/01/2022 23:29

I don’t understand why it wouldn’t be fair for your husband to split the share of the house equally between his three children?

Thirtytimesround · 30/01/2022 23:31

Just do it. He’ll get over it. Maybe see a lawyer to ask their view then say that your lawyer advised you do it. He probably findd it unromantic but if you both have dc it makes sense.

You’re quite right that otherwise there is a risk your son gets nothing,especially if he later meets some other woman who turns him against his former family so she getd all the money (v common).

Also… I know someone whose dad went suddenly nuts and violent (medical issues). Luckily they held the house as tenants in common and my friend still got her share eventually but if it had been joint she might not have done. You also need to guard against future madness…

Thirtytimesround · 30/01/2022 23:32

Ps amazed how many people on here are replying even though they have no idea what you are talking about 🤣

TheFrogAndHen · 30/01/2022 23:32

@AmyandPhilipfan

I don’t understand why it wouldn’t be fair for your husband to split the share of the house equally between his three children?
Because OPs 50% would be then split between her step children too.

The fairest way would be for OPs 50% to go to her son, then the husband's 50% split between his 3 children so OPs son, and his two older children.

Splitting the whole lot equally means OPs son loses out on his mother's share.

Northernsoullover · 30/01/2022 23:36

I'm surprised so many don't know about this. My parents have done this so that if one needs care then only 50% will go towards it. Of course they could both need care but that's life.

Thehouseofmarvels · 30/01/2022 23:38

There is a thread going where OP's mother died and his father has got a new girlfriend 40 years younger who is talking about having a baby with him. He owns his house out right but posters are advising OP that the father may leave everything to his new partner as they are planning a family. This is so sensible.

AmyandPhilipfan · 30/01/2022 23:40

But the son would get the same share as his older siblings which might cause fewer problems overall.

HeddaGarbled · 30/01/2022 23:42

Yes, YABU, IMO.

People in this country are obsessed with inheritance.

Live your life. Enjoy it. Work to fund the life you want. Plan for the retirement you want. Don’t work and plan to leave an inheritance.

Your children should do the same.

If your assets don’t get consumed by your needs in old age (increasingly unlikely as we all live longer and need care at the end of our lives), then your children may get a nice little bonus to make their lives more comfortable in their own middle/old age. If they are decent people, they won’t want that to come at the expense of their family members.

If they resent that, you’re not bringing them up right.

IMO.

TheFrogAndHen · 30/01/2022 23:42

@AmyandPhilipfan

But the son would get the same share as his older siblings which might cause fewer problems overall.
Why should he have to share his mother's inheritance? Will the step children's mother leave anything to him? I doubt it.

The step children have a mother they can inherit from. It's not fair to expect OP to also split hers with them equally to her own son.

TheFrogAndHen · 30/01/2022 23:43

They absolutely should get the same share. Of their fathers half. They aren't OPs children. Her share should go to her son.

HikingforScenery · 30/01/2022 23:46

Do it OP. There have been some recent posts where posters have lost out of their inheritance as children in the scenario.

housecommon · 30/01/2022 23:47

OP I hope you don't mind you jumping on your thread with a question (although any answers to me might help you.)

I'm actually in the opposite position. A few years ago we changed from joint to tenants in common because someone was trying to get money (dishonestly -it's a very long story) from DH and I wanted to protect my share for the DC's.

Anyway a few years down the line and very sadly my lovely dh is now terminally ill. I feel very nervous that we are tenants in common rather than joint - although not sure why. Solicitor has said it's fine to stay as it is. (In will it says that everything that's his goes to me but I'm just worried that things like probate might be affected.)

The other situation is all dealt with now so that not relevant to future decisions. Sorry this is so long. I'm just finding it hard to get my head round everything at same time as coming to terms with DH illness.

Stravaig · 30/01/2022 23:49

@DixonD If OP goes ahead without DP's agreement, is there not a danger that he could refuse to reciprocate the lifetime interest in the home, leaving her at risk of forced sale if he dies first? (To free up the value of his half of the property for his beneficaries.)