DH works 45 hrs a week.
I am a full time carer for our oldest child. I haven't worked in 7 years. I gave up work to care for my oldest when they started suffering from severe anxiety and then I fell pregnant with our youngest. The agreement from a childcare perspective was that I would go to work when they started school. Then there was the pandemic. During the pandemic, our oldest child became unwell. They've always had additional needs, but these became full needs to support mobility, personal care, safety etc. I get carers allowance and child tax credits. There is DLA that covers all my child's needs and adds to the household income, because we had planned for me to be working by the end of 2020. I am halfway through an open university degree to try and improve future prospects
DH just told me that I don't work for my money. It came out because he was annoyed about batteries being used too fast and I didn't seem to care enough. He said he saw it in terms of he has to work an hour to buy that big box of batteries but the kids will just take them for games controllers and things and he wanted me to care more about that. Then he said I don't work for my money. Well, what he actually said is "you get all your cash handed to you- I'm not saying you don't work hard for it." I said that he was and he said "well, you don't! You just get given it!"
Our oldest has finally got a place in a school that can support their needs. Before this, they were on a part time timetable and I was being called in to support them or collect them on an almost daily basis. I had to be in constant contact with the school and my life was a mess of medical and school appointments for all three DC, as well as sorting out DH's life admin due to his own ADHD . DH is well aware that a job would have been utterly unsustainable until this happened- even working from home, as the care needs are so high. I can't split myself down the middle. I never get a day off. I think he thinks if I sit and watch a TV show, that I'm loafing. Never mind that every time he takes a break at work, he gets to watch TV and play games and effectively gets paid for it. His breaks can be really long, he's not just grabbing 10 here and there. He can watch multiple episodes of things or watch films in a shift.
Our oldest has been in their school for two weeks and I've looked into a job and am halfway through the application and plan to submit it next week. Literally as soon as I could reasonably look for work, I did.
I feel like if he, the person who sees how much I have to do (and does precious little to practically assist) has this opinion of me, everyone else must think I'm some lazy fuck who sponges off the government in preference to working.
I get it and I don't. I'm not clocking in and out at a workplace. I've always been on shift at home. Perpetually on call. He said it's stuff I'd have to have been doing anyway so it's like he feels I don't deserve to have carers allowance. Yet he's said many times he couldn't manage what I have to.
AIBU to be hurt?