How to get over my ridiculous fears (horse riding related)

[YellowBellPeppers]

Hello! just looking to see if someone else has been in a similar position and had any advice.

I was hospitalised after a bad fall from a horse. I’ve been riding since I was reception age but this was the most serious fall I’ve ever had. I don’t remember much from it, apart from my horse bolting and me ending up on the ground. I’ve been launched against cross country fences, thrown into showjumps and have had some other nasty falls over the years but this was the worst.

Thankfully I had my helmet on as this took the brunt of the impact and was cracked- I dread to think of the outcome if I hadn’t been wearing it but thankfully I always do.

I got off lightly but was badly concussed and spent the night in hospital. I was sent in by ambulance as my neck took the impact of the fall, and the doctor said I was extremely lucky not to break it.

I was off riding and came back when I was fully recovered again. I still love showjumping and cross country, but I’ve lost my confidence. I used to fly over fences 1m+ and loved the feeling of cantering closer to the fence and soaring over it. I used to take my horse on the gallops and we would just go. Or we would go out to cross country tracks and I never felt an ounce of fear. I still do all these things, but it’s not the same. As we get closer to the jump, I feel sick thinking I’m going to end up launched into it. The thing is, my previous horses used to regularly drop her shoulder and send me flying and I was never scared! But it feels different now- I still really enjoy riding but I feel like my nerves are making jumping less enjoyable. Once I’m over the fence I feel amazing and I get that buzz of happiness that I used to get, but approaching the jump I’ve got a horrible feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach.

I’ve got a lovely horse that I trust completely (not the horse I had the accident with) who is amazing in everyway, and I want to get back to the rider I used to be, but im worried I will never get my confidence back. I took a break from jumping and eventing and haven’t competed in over a year. I don’t find dressage and flat work as enjoyable but I’ve been trying to build my confidence in the school but the nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach still won’t go away.

I suddenly feel so unsafe on my horse- he’s the most reliable, schoolmaster type horse you could imagine, and although big at 16.3hh, he’s a gentle giant. I know I can trust him and he would take me over the fence safely, and I do still enjoy jumping, but I can’t get the memory of sobbing in the back of the ambulance out of my head as I thought I had snapped my neck.

How do I get over this and get back to who I was before?? This was over a year ago now and I hoped to be back out competing this season.

Thanks for taking the time to read this

Honestly I think it’s just time. My friend had very good results with a sports psychologist saying that so you could try one of those?

Could you start just some really low level unaffiliated comps, literally 60cms or something and then gradually build up from there? Give yourself small goals and work your way back up, you’ll get there eventually I’m sure.

My feet don’t leave the ground much anymore, I’m pure dressage now as I just don’t enjoy jumping like o used to after some nasty falls, I don’t bounce as well as I used to now and life is a lot more complicated/ harder if broken so that plays on my mind too.

But luckily I love pure dressage and have little interest in jumping anymore, if it’s your passion, get yourself some lessons with a knowledgeable and patient instructor and start slowly. Good luck.

I’ve been there on the horrible falls and accidents front, and the subsequent loss of confidence.

Do you have a trainer? I’d start off working with them in a controlled environment (in an arena you know well) and go from there. A good trainer will know how to step things back, regain your confidence, and build up again.

Competitions add SO much pressure and stress and putting a deadline on when you want to be back out at your previous level by is going to amplify that. So I’d focus on getting your confidence back at home first but consider some much lower level competition, or even just a pole clinic or similar, to get over the mental hurdle of going out again, and as something to aim towards when you’re ready.

Confidence does come back but it takes work and can’t be rushed. But you’ll get there!

Sports psychologist, or possibly one of the rider confidence courses that incorporate specific skills, experiences, training and some psych elements. Other than that, it's just taking your time, not putting pressure on yourself and keeping on going as much as you can. Things get better eventually.

Im mid 50's have been riding all my life and used to specialise and have had success in bringing on what many would call complex horses; young nervous Arabs, ex race horses etc. I had a fairly harmless fall a few years ago of an ex race horse and slightly lost my nerve. I chucked in horses and didn't ride for three years. Ive recently gone back.
I think for the moment you need to choose a horse that suits you and most importantly keep to a level that you enjoy and you get off feeling positive about. I was asked to sit on a difficult horse the other day and I rode it, it pissed around trying to rear etc and it was fine and I managed it with no problem but I came away thinking my days of riding this sort of thing are over. I may know what to do and how to improve it/sort it out but I just don't enjoy it any more and the thought of riding it again it began made me feel anxious so I made it clear to its owner I wouldn't ride it again.
Accept your current limitations (its not a failure ti feel anxious and as long as its not crippling or upsetting your horse) and build on the positives and try and create times that you really enjoy.

I became a happy hacker.

How do you feel when you ride a different horse?

Don't overface yourself. Keep within your comfort zone. Don't rush.
You will definitely get there. Good luck.

What you are describing is your experience of a traumatic incident, it just happened to be whilst riding a horse. It completely makes sense that your feelings around this are still strong. Your body and brain are trying to protect you from this happening again - that too is normal

Perhaps seek out some CBT to help you process the event that took place. Also look in to EMDR is the feeling of anxiety persists.

Best of luck

Have you tried stepping down a couple of levels and popping round some small courses?

I doubt this will be welcomed - but it is a risky sport isn't it?

ie its not irrational to be afraid - it was probably more irrational not to be afraid. You have now suffered a real understanding of what the risk is and understandably the part of you that assesses risk isn't too keen for you to go back to doing it.

i get that it must be sad to not have the feeling you used to - but I imagine it would be very difficult to convince yourself that there is no danger now that you have experienced it....

Can you investigate other ways of getting the same feelings?

I never road to your level but I have ridden since I was a child (not enough money for regular lessons/own pony - more a help out and get a free ride) - but I had a fall in a lesson in front of my kids that really shook me up (I knew he was off but they checked his legs etc and he seemed fine - however he stumbled - was lame afterwards - and I fell) winded myself

Anyway I tried to go back a few times and started crying when I mounted - what worker for me was starting from scratch and having proper lessons - and I mean from scratch - like on a lunge and walking!

Obviously not for you but maybe go back a few steps and have some 1-1 lessons?

RODE ffs!

I've been riding for 34 years, and have worked with horses for the majority of my working life. I used to jump 1.40 courses, X country, SJ, you name it. I would ride anything pretty much and while never as fearless as some people out there, I was pretty gutsy.

UNTIL!
I came off going up the gallops in 2009 and broke my back. Completely lost my nerve. It came back on the flat with time and riding careful horses, but jumping wise I've never been the same. It is destroying going from flying over massive fences to crying with fear at the thought of a 1 foot crosspole. What helped was time, lessons on a good horses with a good instructor who pushed me and jumping ALOT.

I actually haven't ridden for a couple of years as I'm changing career and taking a break, but it is possible to get it back. Trust me, even the bravest have nerves - I worked for an experienced advanced eventer who used to be in the portaloos throwing up 10 mins before the start box every time she went x country!!

Ride a horse you trust. Take a step back and work your confidence back up to where you were. Take your time.

Ahhh mate. Confidence is king as my trainer always tells me. Start stupidly small maybe and jump that til you are bored senseless and work your way back up?

@OrlandointheWilderness

I've been riding for 34 years, and have worked with horses for the majority of my working life. I used to jump 1.40 courses, X country, SJ, you name it. I would ride anything pretty much and while never as fearless as some people out there, I was pretty gutsy. UNTIL! I came off going up the gallops in 2009 and broke my back. Completely lost my nerve. It came back on the flat with time and riding careful horses, but jumping wise I've never been the same. It is destroying going from flying over massive fences to crying with fear at the thought of a 1 foot crosspole. What helped was time, lessons on a good horses with a good instructor who pushed me and jumping ALOT.

I actually haven't ridden for a couple of years as I'm changing career and taking a break, but it is possible to get it back. Trust me, even the bravest have nerves - I worked for an experienced advanced eventer who used to be in the portaloos throwing up 10 mins before the start box every time she went x country!!

^^This. You dont say how old you are OP but as we get older I think we realise that a fall even a mild one can cause significant damage and takes longer to get better. I used to know an amazing man who was totally fearless took raving foaming lunatics for a living and made a real success out of it. He had had numerous falls but in his 50's he had a significant fall nearly died and gave up foaming raving lunatics he'd just lost his nerve for it and also the sheer enjoyment of getting something out of fixing what was thought to be the unfixable. No money in the world would get him back on one.

Break ot down to small steps and tackle them one at a time. Karl Greenwood's courses and book are good.

Weirdly I found grid work really helpful because it takes a lot of the uncertainty out of jumping. Start tiny, until you're genuinely bored by it, then work up.

A good, well fitting body protector can also help you feel more confident. Ditto a neckstrap.

Be kind to yourself. You dodged a massive bullet. It's understandable that it's changed you.
I was fearless as a teenager in until I had a horse which reared up and back flipped on me. I've never been the same since and now I'm much older I'm certainly much more wimpy.
You have a kind and honest horse. This is your biggest advantage. I'd suggest find a good instructor, take it right back and go slow. Trotting poles, 50cm cross poles. Just trot and pop for a while. Do everything for fun and nothing with any seriousness. Enjoy it, do it well, get bored with it, soon you'll want to do something a bit more challenging. It might not come back completely, I doubt mine ever will but I've found a compromise where I can still enjoy my horse and have fun.

See a sports psychologist about it. That might help to work through the issues. It's very easy to lose confidence unfortunately. But it can come back again.

I think just do what you're comfortable with for now and see what happens. Take the pressure off yourself and if you feel you must get out there and compete then do small stuff at low level/unaffiliated. Tell them what happened to you if you get funny looks. They'll stop judging you then!
Good luck with it all, you don't mention your age but I do think many including myself become more risk averse as they get older anyway, having an accident just reinforces that.

Is it all horses? Can you just go for long hacks or have lessons on other people’s horses at other yards so there’s something else to concentrate on other than your nerves? Also look for a sports coach who knows all things equine, there are some really good ones out there. It happens to lots of people at some point.

I was always terrified of doing anything in the school (ours is a standard size but it feels so small) but okay in an open space until the fear came for that too. I’ve never even had a bad accident but my horses and I have caused a few over the years and it caught up with me. Good luck 🐎

Thank u I’m going to follow everyone’s advice and go back to basics to slowly build up confidence. When I was a teenager I was fearless and now I’m a couple of years older and I think it’s hit me just how dangerous the sport can be! I’m only just in my 20s and want to make the most of being young and riding. Seeing my hat with a giant crack really made it sink in how the sport can cause serious injuries and it terrified me to think of it being my head.

I still love jumping and the feeling of being over the jump is amazing, it’s just the 5 strides on approach that make me feel queasy with nerves.

I’ll go back to basics and build up my confidence gradually. I thought over the last year the nerves would have disappeared but they haven’t. I’m so lucky to have such a kind horse that makes me feel as safe as I could be (he’s a gentle giant!!!) and I’m hoping I’ll get back to being confident and happy when jumping like I was before the accident. I still ride 6 days a week and genuinely enjoy it, but I want to get rid of that sick/nervous feeling in my stomach.

Have a look at How Very Horsey confidence courses. (I'm not a rider but these seem to be very well received.)

If you keep the fences small then set up your rhythm and all you have to do on those last 5 strides is just sit there and go with him. He can probably jump 70cm from a standstill. Just try and sit tight and let him do his job. I found humming when I'm nervous helps. Apparently jockeys do it. It pushes your diaphragm down and makes you breathe so less likely to transfer the nerves to the horse. Although I seem to be currently stuck on Santa Baby as my go to tune for some reason!!