How to get over my ridiculous fears (horse riding related)

[YellowBellPeppers]

Hello! just looking to see if someone else has been in a similar position and had any advice.

I was hospitalised after a bad fall from a horse. I’ve been riding since I was reception age but this was the most serious fall I’ve ever had. I don’t remember much from it, apart from my horse bolting and me ending up on the ground. I’ve been launched against cross country fences, thrown into showjumps and have had some other nasty falls over the years but this was the worst.

Thankfully I had my helmet on as this took the brunt of the impact and was cracked- I dread to think of the outcome if I hadn’t been wearing it but thankfully I always do.

I got off lightly but was badly concussed and spent the night in hospital. I was sent in by ambulance as my neck took the impact of the fall, and the doctor said I was extremely lucky not to break it.

I was off riding and came back when I was fully recovered again. I still love showjumping and cross country, but I’ve lost my confidence. I used to fly over fences 1m+ and loved the feeling of cantering closer to the fence and soaring over it. I used to take my horse on the gallops and we would just go. Or we would go out to cross country tracks and I never felt an ounce of fear. I still do all these things, but it’s not the same. As we get closer to the jump, I feel sick thinking I’m going to end up launched into it. The thing is, my previous horses used to regularly drop her shoulder and send me flying and I was never scared! But it feels different now- I still really enjoy riding but I feel like my nerves are making jumping less enjoyable. Once I’m over the fence I feel amazing and I get that buzz of happiness that I used to get, but approaching the jump I’ve got a horrible feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach.

I’ve got a lovely horse that I trust completely (not the horse I had the accident with) who is amazing in everyway, and I want to get back to the rider I used to be, but im worried I will never get my confidence back. I took a break from jumping and eventing and haven’t competed in over a year. I don’t find dressage and flat work as enjoyable but I’ve been trying to build my confidence in the school but the nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach still won’t go away.

I suddenly feel so unsafe on my horse- he’s the most reliable, schoolmaster type horse you could imagine, and although big at 16.3hh, he’s a gentle giant. I know I can trust him and he would take me over the fence safely, and I do still enjoy jumping, but I can’t get the memory of sobbing in the back of the ambulance out of my head as I thought I had snapped my neck.

How do I get over this and get back to who I was before?? This was over a year ago now and I hoped to be back out competing this season.

Thanks for taking the time to read this

There’s a confidence course near me, Google one near you. They get you doing controlled falls, rears etc on amazing horses. Might that help?

What also helped me was when the bad stuff stared coming in, was thinking "my safety equipment did its job." A big crack in your hat is scary, but it worked as it was meant to and saved you from serious injury. Buying the best and safest hat you can may help with that too.

Also your lad is big. He can step over most small stuff, so he's not really jumping. (not being disparaging, just trying to reframe the activity!)

Be kind to yourself. It is so easy to start beating yourself up over what you used to do and who you used to be, but most riders go through this at some point in time. It isn't your fault.

Take your time. Hack for the rest of the winter? Have regular lessons? Lots of low grids. Get people to video you so you can see how normal you and your horse look. And remember this is your hobby. You don’t have to push yourself. Probably not what you want to hear, but I gave up competitions and jumping when I realised I didn’t bounce anymore. I’ve been a happy hacker for the last decade. You might find the desire kicks in again. It might be worth having someone confident and good to jump him occasionally- keep him ticking over.

I agree with the earlier poster, who said it's a natural reaction to an accident, it just happens to have been on a horse.

I was in a car accident where a car hit me on the driver's door. I had a broken bone with some complications that meant I couldn't drive for about 6 months.

For a couple of years I would flinch, my heart would pound, and my stomach would drop horribly, whenever I saw a car approach me from the right. I was sort of reliving it for a split second. It was horrible but wore off eventually.

It's a good idea to go back to basics to start overriding thT automatic fear reaction.

I've not ridden at your level, but I gave up jumping in my 30's as I was self-employed in a creative/physical job I loved and I didn't want my occasional riding (I didn't have my own horse at this point) end up in an injury which might jeopardise my income and my career.
I'm a happy hacker now, but of dressage.
I feel the same about skiing - the thought of a life-altering injury which might cause me long term pain or discomfort means I don't ski anymore now I'm mid-40s.

It's ok, I'm made my peace with the fact I need to prioritise my health in a different way than when I was young.

Do you NEED to jump at this level? Do you NEED to rush getting back on a horse?

Can you ride something smaller for a while? Unless you're well over 6' and very leggy there's no real reason to be on a 16.3. If you are a leggy 6'4" then get something wider and ride shorter. You'll have more confidence being closer to the ground. Then go out and have some fun, hack more and enjoy the moment. Do some pony club games - put cups on posts, drop potatoes in buckets, go round the world, master full scissors. Shorten your stirrups to a stupid level and ride like a jockey - possibilities are endless! Forget about jumping until you want to jump again.

Probably not what you want to hear but… you had a close shave it could have been bad, take a break and get an farm rides ticket or something. Horse riding is dangerous, if it doesn’t feel right don’t do it.