Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband working away over due date

34 replies

5upermum · 30/01/2022 09:15

I’m currently 33 and a bit weeks pregnant, due end of March (a week and a bit after my birthday).

My husband often works away Monday to Friday. He said a few months ago (after I asked) that his work were understanding of baby coming in March and would avoid placing him away over the due date.

However, he has since found out he is going to be about 2 and a half hours away for a few weeks around and over my due date (and subsequently my birthday). He didn’t say anything to his boss to try and see if they could wiggle this or ask for flexibility, and forgot it was my birthday until I reminded him.

Am I unreasonable to be upset about this? My family aren’t close by and I’m anxious about going into labour alone, especially as I am at home with my 2 year old, and don’t know what I’d do if he didn’t make it back in time (my first labour wasn’t very long so not expecting a long one this time).

What would you do? Am I silly to be upset about this? I don’t expect him to not work but was under the impression he would be closer to home around the big day.

OP posts:
Rainbowqueeen · 30/01/2022 09:18

It’s not too late to ask surely!?!? I’d tell him how stressed you are and ask that he speak to his boss. Most workplaces will be reasonable in the circumstances
In the meantime do you have a plan B? If you have no family close by I’d suggest you come up with one regardless.

parietal · 30/01/2022 09:19

Yes you are right to be upset

You need a plan for your 2yr old, whether DH is near or far. Can you book a standby nanny ( I know a friend who did this for the older child when the next baby was due and there was no family near by).

User8721643839 · 30/01/2022 09:22

Maybe he is stressed out with work?
His boss didn't realise?
No one would make him work though, he just needs to bring it up?
Perhaps he didn't realise it was so close?

GeneLovesJezebel · 30/01/2022 09:22

He’s had long enough to sort it out. Yes, I’d be upset.

JuneOsborne · 30/01/2022 09:23

Is he always such a div? Does he not want to be nearby? Had he not thought about what it'll be like for you and your 2 year old.

What does he imagine happening?

You call him, say I'm in labour. Does he relaise he could.miss the birth of his baby?

I can't compute this attitude from him at all.

He needs to sort it out and make sure he's close to home and ready with a plan for the toddler.

NuffSaidSam · 30/01/2022 09:23

Ask him what he thinks you should do.

What are you going to do, alone with a 2 year old, in labour? See if he can discover the problem.

See if he is a bit thick or he just doesn't care.

I think your birthday is irrelevant tbh. You can't change your work location based on your partner's birthday!

girlmom21 · 30/01/2022 09:24

It's annoying because he specifically said he'll make sure he's not away.

He's got plenty of time to sort it out.

Summersdreaming · 30/01/2022 09:25

My friends partner missed the birth for this reason, working away and by the time he got back (3 hours) it was too late. You don't know how long your next labour will be, it took them both by suprise.

He should speak to his boss.

arethereanyleftatall · 30/01/2022 09:27

Yanbu at all about the labour. That's insane.

Yabu about your birthday. Drop that bit from all discussions otherwise the main point - being away for the birth of his child!! - could get overshadowed!

I assume you have a plan in place too for who's looking after your toddler when you're in labour?

LittleOwl153 · 30/01/2022 09:28

Yeah his reaction is pretty telling isn't it....

Whilst you have every right to be upset, angry even, I think you just need to plan to go it alone and shut him out completely if he's not prepared to do anything about it.

Whilst his boss should not be expected to remember your due date (although I assume there is some kind of request book /calendar for shifts?) He absolutely should be looking to change it.

MrsRobinsonsHandprints · 30/01/2022 09:31

2.5 hours isn't working away, certainly 2 hours is normal commuting distance. He can come back if needed.

girlmom21 · 30/01/2022 09:32

@MrsRobinsonsHandprints

2.5 hours isn't working away, certainly 2 hours is normal commuting distance. He can come back if needed.
2 hours is not normal commuting distance. Do we really even have competitive commuting now? JFC.
zingally · 30/01/2022 09:32

Your birthday doesn't come into it - irrelevant - but I can see that you'd apply your upset to that as well.

As for the birth/labour, he needs to talk to his boss ASAP. And he needs to help you come up with a plan for what the 2 year old is going to be doing while you're otherwise engaged.

zingally · 30/01/2022 09:34

@MrsRobinsonsHandprints

2.5 hours isn't working away, certainly 2 hours is normal commuting distance. He can come back if needed.
That's such nonsense! Of course that's not a normal commute! That's like me, who lives in the east midlands, commuting to a job in mid-Wales! Bonkers.
Lockdownbear · 30/01/2022 09:35

He needs to have a word with his boss. Second labour's can be very quick. Much quicker than the first.
I know women who've unexpected given birth at home and in ambulances with second babies.

Depending on the nature of his job is it possible for him to work from an office or home? It's a bit more difficult if he does a physical job which cannot be done remotely.

I guess it might come down to seeing how you are nearer the time.

AFS1 · 30/01/2022 09:36

I wouldn’t be remotely bothered about my partner being away on my birthday, but he absolutely needs to be nearby on and around your due date. He needs to speak to his employers.

MooSakah · 30/01/2022 09:39

Your birthday is irrelevant here. But I'd ask him what his plan is for the birth. What he expects you to do. Remind him babies can come early as well as late and you have no idea yet if you'll be rushed in for a c section early.

Swonderful · 30/01/2022 09:43

What will you do if your labour is really quick? I was 1 hour from my first contraction with one of mine! It's just an added stress you don't need.

Original poster
5upermum · 30/01/2022 09:47

Defo right about the birthday - it is irrelevant & would expect him to work regardless (it’s more the fact he totally forgot that annoyed me!). Hormones making me over emotional! Let’s hope he remembers on the day lol.

I have insisted he speaks to his boss and explains the need to be nearer around due date with second. I realise it’s not impossible for him to get back in time (but something that is best to not have to worry about). It’s also that he’s going to be away overnight as well all week which makes me worried as things normally start happening then!

I think what’s made me cross isn’t really the situation itself, it’s just the total lack of thought into labour being a big deal & something I obviously want to be prepared and not worried about (at least not details like where will my husband be and will he make it back in time). It’s the fact I feel like I’m nagging him to sort it out, when he should show initiative enough to realise how important it is! Eurgh! Husbands!!

OP posts:
EBathory · 30/01/2022 09:47

For some 2 and a half hours is work down base work instead of working away as they are back each night and not in lodgings.
I have managed staff with this type of work with partners with due dates and it is a lot easier to get someone back from 2 and a half hours away instead of 8 or more.
Some jobs are not based from one location. If you need him closer he will have to book annual leave there is no closer work at the time.

DDivaStar · 30/01/2022 09:51

Your H needs to speak to his boss, remind him of your due date and reduce his time away.

Having said that its so unpredictable, you'll just have to make sure he's ready to come back at a monts notice.

3Daddy31982 · 30/01/2022 09:51

Book a travellodge. Go with.

cheapskatemum · 30/01/2022 10:10

I ended up in a similar situation with DC2, because he was 2 weeks later than due date. DH had booked time off, but had to return to work in Russia before the birth. I had a very good friend on standby. Her family looked after DS1, who was 18 months old, and she was my birth partner. She phoned DH & had to insist the hotel receptionist put her through to him, despite the fact he was asleep, to tell him I was in labour! DS2 came very quickly, under 2 hours from the time my waters broke to his arrival. You also have to think about how you're going to get you & DC1 to your friend's if you do this. I got told off by the midwife for driving 20minutes after my contractions had started. It was 2am.

MatronicO6 · 30/01/2022 10:14

@3Daddy31982

Book a travellodge. Go with.
WHAT??? the heavily pregnant woman should shop herself and her 2 year old child to Travelodge along with the the mothers hospital bag and car seat and everything else they may need to accommodate his work??? To go to a hospital that the OP would have had no contact with and presumably expect staff at said Travelodge to babysit??? What an utterly moronic comment
Lockdownbear · 30/01/2022 10:25

@3Daddy31982

Book a travellodge. Go with.
Stop and think that comment through! Yes a potentially a long drive home in labour super idea! Or if your thinking going to the nearest hospital is the 2 year old going with them?