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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Overprotective or sensible?

32 replies

bluebear19 · 29/01/2022 21:16

My DS is due to go to nursery in about 4 months time. He will be one when he goes.

We got a place at the nursery up the road from us. Great rep and I have several friends who use said nursery who rate it highly. First time we were shown around, by the manager, I loved it and got a great feeling (there were no kids there during this visit, or other staff members).

Second visit to do paperwork etc there were children and staff there. We were shown the room my DS would be in, and met the 4 members of staff in there.

I have a couple of concerns...

The staff can't have been older than 20 - any of them. Apparently one is the room supervisor and has been there since she left school, and she is fully qualified. The others looked barely 18 and like they didn't have a clue what they were doing. I wouldn't trust them to look after my son if he had an accident for example. They just looked clueless!

Also, when we left we peeked through the window back in to the room and the staff were stood chatting with most of them having their backs to the children. They did not have eyes on this room full of 18 kids (which felt like a lot tbh).

It's local and very convenient - and waiting lists are crazy where I live for anywhere decent.

I do have a tendency to be anxious and really don't want my son going to nursery at all (I've not left him yet even for an hour!) so wondering if I'm just being too over protective.

YABU - he will be fine
YANBU - find another nursery

OP posts:

Hankunamatata · 29/01/2022 21:20

Go and scope it out a couple more times

Winchestercollege · 29/01/2022 21:22

I wouldn't be happy with this either but unfortunately it's what many nurseries are like in reality. If they let parents drop in unannounced there is likely to be less of an act.

WTF475878237NC · 29/01/2022 21:23

the staff were stood chatting with most of them having their backs to the children

^ this is about the culture of the place and would bother me so much more than their ages. I'd find somewhere else with more engaged staff who play down on the floor with the babies even if the toddlers get left a bit!

YerAWizardHarry · 29/01/2022 21:24

The vast majority of nurseries are staffed by apprentices/students/young girls because the money is utter shit…..

tobypercy · 29/01/2022 21:27

"standing chatting" looks the same as "discussing what to do next" or any number of other things when you're looking through a window.

If you want personal attention then a childminder might suit you better. But none of what you've said sounds particularly worrisome. As pp said, you could visit again, see how it seems then.

Notmrsfitz · 29/01/2022 21:29

im a nursery nurse, I'm 47 have an NNEB qualification, home schooled my sons for substantial lengths of time.
The first nursery I worked in, I made extra money by babysitting children from the nursery at weekends and subsequently worked as a nanny for one parent after I had my first baby.

I no longer work in a nursery because my pay doesn't reflect my experience and capabilities and equally the responsibility I bore as a nursery nurse.

I feel the qualifications associated with childcare are no longer as stringent as they were and I myself saw lots of other nursery workers who simply didn't have the passion for it.

that said, a good nursery nurse doesn't need to be highly qualified they need to be hands unfocused and on the floor or at eye level encouraging and supporting children with their development.

I think for your own peace of mind and to validate and either squash your concerns or raise them, you do need to visit again, perhaps visit other nurseries too just to be sure you're not over expecting the vibe.

RunningFromInsanity · 29/01/2022 21:31

The others looked barely 18 and like they didn't have a clue what they were doing. I wouldn't trust them to look after my son if he had an accident for example. They just looked clueless!

This is just plain rude

Sally872 · 29/01/2022 21:36

Great rep and I have several friends who use said nursery who rate it highly

This statement would be more important than them being young and looming clueless. What did they do that made them look clueless and like they wouldn't know what to do in an accident? Is the manager on site all the time? Does that reassure you?

Merryoldgoat · 29/01/2022 21:39

What about a childminder instead? I preferred the home environment, mine had a network she hung out with so the kids did lots of mixing.

It was much preferable to a nursery for us.

jackfrosttoes · 29/01/2022 21:41

I'd be concerned if the age profile of all the key staff was very young - means high staff turnover, not good at retaining and progressing people.

I always go with my gut now after 10 years and many childcare settings.

hettie · 29/01/2022 21:47

Well, if you go down the nursery route I suspect the profile of staff will be younger (given the pay). I have to say my preference is for a small scale childminder that you have a good feel about with good reputation. Mine was like a home from home for my two....

LtJudyHopps · 29/01/2022 21:51

If you looked at me with no makeup on you’d probably think I’m 18. I’m 28 so please don’t judge them on their looks. I appreciate it’s your PFB but they will be qualified and there will be levels of different qualifications.

Original poster

bluebear19 · 29/01/2022 21:52

Thanks everyone.

I'm not sure I like the idea of a childminder. I'm worried about them going out and about in their car with my baby (this is something I'm anxious about in general as I lost someone special in a car accident many years ago) also worried about a childminder being out and about with lots of children to look after in public?! I've probably got it all wrong and this isn't what it is like at all.... I think I feel more comfortable with a nursery setting but maybe I haven't found the right nursery...

OP posts:

Anna10309 · 29/01/2022 22:09

Ask your friends why they rate it so highly? Maybe discuss the concerns you have with them and see if they noticed the same with their own experiences? I would have the same concerns if I were you.

Sunnytwobridges · 29/01/2022 22:15

I wouldn't be okay with this and I'm far from over protective.

Thehop · 29/01/2022 22:19

I wouldn’t send him, keep looking.

I was baby room manager in my last job (I’m a childminder now) and their ratios are off too. 4 members of staff should have no more than 12 babies.

Chickychoccyegg · 29/01/2022 22:30

I wouldn't be happy with the staff all chatting and not watching the children, thats something that would be completely unacceptable in any nursery I worked in, though it could've been a quick chat about something important.
With regards to the staff being young, thats quite common in nurseries, as they can train and get a full qualification while working full time, and it can be fairly low paid, so you often find supervisors can seem young, but will still have a qualification and experience.
All nursery staff have to complete regular training, so im sure they do know what they're doing.

Chickychoccyegg · 29/01/2022 22:34

Im a childminder now, and we have to follow the same curriculum as a nursery, we can also only look after 3 children under school age, and most childminders I know don't use their cars as enjoy making use of their local community and being out and about, so this could be an option for you.
You would be best looking at lots of options as this will help ease your anxiety, you'll know when you've found the right place for you and your child.

mumofone234 · 29/01/2022 22:34

We looked at a couple of different nurseries before we found one that I felt happy with, so do consider visiting some others (even if it's just to compare them). Fundamentally, you're going to be trusting these people with your child, and if something isn't clicking for you with that nursery, you don't have to justify it to yourself or anyone else - you need to choose a setting you're happy with.

RoseGoldEagle · 30/01/2022 05:51

Some of the best nursery staff I’ve come across with my three have been late teens, equally I’ve had some older staff who the DC have been less keen on (though my son’s current key worker is older and is amazing. His last was 19 and was equally wonderful). The main thing for me is that they’re warm, enthusiastic, empathetic and kind (and I appreciate they’re qualified for a lot more than that- but without those skills the other qualifications are a bit hollow when working with very little kids). They definitely don’t get paid enough.

The standing round chatting would be off putting I agree. I my younger two off later than I used to so the day is in full swing when I get there - I can always see through the window and the staff have kids in little groups- some reading books, some doing activities etc, of course some staff might not be engaged with a child at that exact second but I’d expect most of them to be actively playing/watching the kids. Our nursery have mixed age groups which I love as it means DS and younger DD can be together- they do different age appropriate activities though the day but there’s loads of overlap and they go on walks and have mela altogether etc and it encourages the older ones to learn to play with younger ones and vv.

I get what you mean about finding it hard to trust your instincts though- I was so so reluctant to put my eldest in to nursery at all, that I wondered if my instinct would say no even in places that were fine! I looked round loads of places, childminders and nurseries, before I found one I was happy with. I really just loved the one I went for, it still took me a while to get used to someone other than me looking after her, but I felt happy when I visited that the kids seemed happy and the overall feeling I got was good.

Good luck OP, I feel for you as I struggled so much when I first sent DD, but once she’d settled she LOVED it, do trust your instincts and have a look round a few other places. Even if you send your son to this one to start with but if you find one you’re happier with and get on the waiting list you’ve got the option of moving if things don’t work out (and don’t beat yourself up if that happens! It’s not always easy to know to start with and being willing to change things if you need to is as good as it gets!)

IHateCoronavirus · 30/01/2022 05:59

Don’t discount childminders yet, a few amazing KS1 and early years teachers become childminders after having their own children. I’ve worked with a few in my past. I’d have them look after my child on a heartbeat if I still had little ones.

Adatwistscientist · 30/01/2022 06:05

The 'chatting' could have been them updating eachother about an incident or planning what to do in the next hour. You have no idea.

Age is irrelevant but high turnover of staff is so I'd ask about their turnover and how many staff stay beyond a year.

Pamlar · 30/01/2022 06:23

Keep looking at nurseries. I'm a big believer in following your intuition when it comes to these things.
I deeply regret a nursery experience my first child had. I was pregnant with my second and overwhelmed and didn't have the confidence to speak up or move him. I wish I had.

RowanAlong · 30/01/2022 06:49

Childminder if you want your child to have more attention and a calmer environment.

MrsPear · 30/01/2022 06:58

@bluebear19 why did you have children? If you want a career and a child then you have to get a grip and let go. Otherwise you stay at home. What you have described is the child care industry - it is fuelled by cheap labour. Age has nothing to do with ability to care for a child btw another opinion would be a private nanny

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