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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dog sitter and my partner - puppy love?

37 replies

Daisylookslost · 29/01/2022 19:33

Title is in jest but my concerns are real ladies! Can I get everyone’s opinions on this please. I’m not sure if I’m being a paranoid idiot..

DP and dog sitter in contact regarding you’ve guessed it dog sitting. His mate recommended her, he did ask if I wanted to arrange things. I declined saying he could as he’s the one who delivers the dog to her and receives him back.

She text him earlier today. I ask to see, as he just got back from walking the dog and I guess I thought it was a bit off. He flashed the messages at me briefly and I did see a few kisses. So due to that I ask to see the messages. He refused until he gave in and allowed it, after me having to raise my voice in reaction to him shouting.

So, here’s where it gets confusing… or not. Messages are about the dog. She refers to him as ‘your lovely boy’ which is fine I guess. They both put kisses to each other on these messages. There was one message with two kisses, shock horror. She had covid one time and he said ‘hope your ok’. They discussed LFT tests and laugh face emojis were used. Two in a row if that makes a difference. Typing this out I now feel silly!

By the way - the text today was about the invoice for payment. Topics all completely fine it’s just the emojis (including smiley face I forgot to mention yikes) and kisses.

He has a close female friend he’s had for decades and I’m fine with them doing the x on texts it’s just what they do. Even two! But because this dog sitter woman is new on the scene I dunno, just something doesn’t sit quite right with me.

For context she’s probably 30s, in a relationship, a mum, not unattractive

I’m being paranoid aren’t I?

YABU
I’m a stupid childish idiot who needs to get a grip.

YANBU
It’s got the hallmarks of the start of an emotional affair.

Feel free to ask me any more questions before you cast your vote.

Ladies be kind please but I do need your honest opinions! Thanks

OP posts:
OkPedro · 29/01/2022 19:36

You're neither unreasonable or reasonable so I can't vote sorry 😁

Lazydaisydaydream · 29/01/2022 19:37

If it makes you uncomfortable then it’s not unreasonable to discuss with him and ask him to stop. Any Caring partner would adjust their behaviour surely?

MissMoiselle · 29/01/2022 19:39

Can't vote either. I wouldn't like it tbh. So if you're uncomfortable with this (and the fact he didn't show the messages straight away because he probably knew you wouldn't like it), tell him and find a new dogsitter

VeganCow · 29/01/2022 19:42

My friend is a dog sitter and she puts (more than 2 shock horror) kisses in texts to all and sundry. It's just what she does.
I doubt she's after your bloke! But, you know him, is he texting/behaving differently to how he normally does, because only you can say if you think he is interested in her.
It all sounds a bit daft and something about nothing though. Are you normally a jealous person because you are coming across as overly so here.

Original poster
Daisylookslost · 29/01/2022 19:44

Thanks for your very quick responses. I did actually say before he showed me: ‘that’s it he’s not going to her anymore give me her number I’m cancelling it.’ Which was when he began to back down to show me the messages.
And this afternoon he did say ‘you can arrange everything with her then from now on’ - this was during a kind of continuing of the argument but more discussion than arguing iyswim I was trying to get him to understand where I was coming from!

OP posts:
Original poster
Daisylookslost · 29/01/2022 19:47

@VeganCow lol I suppose I can be jealous but can’t we all

OP posts:
sykadelic · 29/01/2022 20:11

I'd ask him "why do you send kisses to the dog sitter?". He probably does it on reflex. Have you checked his male friends msgs? Does he do it to them as well?

Original poster
Daisylookslost · 29/01/2022 20:15

Yes he does. To his male friend who uses same dog sitter as if that matters!

OP posts:
Santahasjoinedww · 29/01/2022 20:23

Surely he won't mind making it a group chat then? I clean for a was single man. When he got a serious gf he added her to our chat. Wasn't an issue and was respectful and polite to have her on also.

Original poster
Daisylookslost · 30/01/2022 23:56

@Santahasjoinedww my sentiments exactly!

OP posts:
user1471457751 · 31/01/2022 00:31

So he puts x on the end of all his messages to people then? I don't get why you're getting so stressed about this

CaptainCabinets · 31/01/2022 00:39

You demanded to see his phone because there was a kiss on a text? Who do you think you are 😂 he puts kisses on messages to men, the majority of his texts to her are about the dog and the messages you saw there and then (none were deleted in secret) were proof of it all being innocent friendly chat with someone you pay to care for your pet.

YAB totally U, give your head a wee wobble

FairyLightQueen · 31/01/2022 00:39

Sorry maybe it's just because I'm gay but DP is the main communicator with the dog walker who sends some ridiculous emojis and is really kind in messages and I think it's lovely... not everyone has an ulterior motive!

WiddlinDiddlin · 31/01/2022 04:39

I use whatsapp for a lot of my work (and facebook messenger) - if a client uses x or xx at the end of a message I mirror that, if they don't, I don't.

I'll be talking about their dog 99% of the time. There's the odd occasion where its not a scheduled appointment and I might ping to check they're ok generally (if they haven't scheduled an appointment for a while but have a pre-paid package with me for instance).

If it's all dog related, and if its normal for him to end text conversations that way, then YABU.

madisonbridges · 31/01/2022 04:52

If he sends kisses to everybody, what's the big deal? Surely it's what he writes that is the most important and he's written nothing even slightly off. As for changing the dog sitter, that's a step too far. If you've found one that you trust with your animal and your dog seems happy, I wouldn't want to let them go either

autienotnaughty · 31/01/2022 04:59

I wouldn't worry about messages between oh and dog walker I assume they are about the dog! Ours sends photos etc. Do you usually worry about your oh and other women? Has something triggered this?

Shamoo · 31/01/2022 05:01

Some people put kisses on their messages. I work with people who do it to colleagues and I think it’s weird and wouldn’t do it, but each to their own. If he does it to men then (assuming he’s not gay) and his best mate, he clearly doesn’t use them because he fancies someone. I think you are being oddly jealous.

BastardGoDarkly · 31/01/2022 05:06

If I was your dh I'd be royally pissed off at the interrogation, demanding to see messages, threatening to sack dog sitter, and all round lack of trust, based on nothing.

You're being ridiculous, yes.

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 31/01/2022 05:15

Never ignore that niggling instinct

Saltyquiche · 31/01/2022 05:41

The texts are very typical of how a lot of women speak in text format - informally and warmly, particularly if dogs or kids are in the picture. They give no indication of lusty intentions, they are not sexually charged and do not include innuendos. The ‘lovely boy’ comment clearly relates to the dog and not his penis.

You’re partner knew you would overreact and be unnecessarily paranoid and tried to save himself the hassle.

He strangely doesn’t have relationships with many women, why is that? Are you normally the jealous type? The reaction possibly says more about your need to work on your self and you feeling feeling secure

Shoxfordian · 31/01/2022 05:44

Has he cheated before? If you don’t trust him then you shouldn’t be with him. I wouldn’t be happy if I were him and you wanted to read my messages

Saltyquiche · 31/01/2022 05:46

By the way I’m usually one to fully trust gut instinct, however am very aware that jealous types distort very innocent daily interactions

Youngstreet · 31/01/2022 05:58

Yes, you’re being paranoid. And controlling.
Poor man.
Why demand to see his phone?
That’s so over the top.
If I was your dp I’d run a mile, probably towards the dog sitter.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 31/01/2022 06:04

You're being bonkers and honestly if my DH started behaving the way you are and demanded to see my phone, I'd be re-evaluating our relationship.

Also, I am a dog a walker/sitter and 99% of my messages to clients include kisses or emojis of some kind. Most of the messages are about what silly things the dogs have got up to or cute photos of said dogs.

gobbledygoook · 31/01/2022 07:45

So after the OP you've then said your DP uses xs in texts to people normally (including men!) which changes things - it's not like it's out of character.

You shouted at him until he showed you messages because you saw an "x", all the messages were about either the dog / covid / invoices (as you'd expect) and nothing untoward, you told him to sort the dog sitter so it's not like he sought her out - I'd be furious if I was in your DPs shoes!