Dog sitter and my partner - puppy love?

[Daisylookslost]

Title is in jest but my concerns are real ladies! Can I get everyone’s opinions on this please. I’m not sure if I’m being a paranoid idiot..

DP and dog sitter in contact regarding you’ve guessed it dog sitting. His mate recommended her, he did ask if I wanted to arrange things. I declined saying he could as he’s the one who delivers the dog to her and receives him back.

She text him earlier today. I ask to see, as he just got back from walking the dog and I guess I thought it was a bit off. He flashed the messages at me briefly and I did see a few kisses. So due to that I ask to see the messages. He refused until he gave in and allowed it, after me having to raise my voice in reaction to him shouting.

So, here’s where it gets confusing… or not. Messages are about the dog. She refers to him as ‘your lovely boy’ which is fine I guess. They both put kisses to each other on these messages. There was one message with two kisses, shock horror. She had covid one time and he said ‘hope your ok’. They discussed LFT tests and laugh face emojis were used. Two in a row if that makes a difference. Typing this out I now feel silly!

By the way - the text today was about the invoice for payment. Topics all completely fine it’s just the emojis (including smiley face I forgot to mention yikes) and kisses.

He has a close female friend he’s had for decades and I’m fine with them doing the x on texts it’s just what they do. Even two! But because this dog sitter woman is new on the scene I dunno, just something doesn’t sit quite right with me.

For context she’s probably 30s, in a relationship, a mum, not unattractive

I’m being paranoid aren’t I?

YABU
I’m a stupid childish idiot who needs to get a grip.

YANBU
It’s got the hallmarks of the start of an emotional affair.

Feel free to ask me any more questions before you cast your vote.

Ladies be kind please but I do need your honest opinions! Thanks

@fairylightsandwaxmelts

You're being bonkers and honestly if my DH started behaving the way you are and demanded to see my phone, I'd be re-evaluating our relationship.

Also, I am a dog a walker/sitter and 99% of my messages to clients include kisses or emojis of some kind. Most of the messages are about what silly things the dogs have got up to or cute photos of said dogs.

This. You sound awful!

Yes I'm one of those people who put kisses on everything, it just seems really unfriendly and formal if I don't - and shock horror I often put 3 or 4! Now if he never put kisses and suddenly was with dog sitter or was sending flirty messages then I could understand you being upset but I don't think you have anything to worry about here, it just sounds friendly.

I think he should have shown you the messages if you asked nicely at the beginning though, as soon as someone refuses to show you then it feels off. I think you need to discuss this a bit more with him, tell him what made you feel insecure, tell him that you're fine with his other female friends - communication is key in understanding where each other is coming from.

Given all that you’ve included re content of messages and the fact that your OH normally signs off with an x to everyone, males included, you’re being unreasonable, in my opinion. 38% of voters don’t think you are, but I wonder did they vote before getting all the details.

He was furious. But I hope you ladies can understand that the reason I shouted at him is because he refused to let me see the messages. So I suppose I (fully admit wrongly) but 2 and 2 together to make 5.

Just to clarify he might put x or xx to end texts to a man on occasion but not on almost every message. This was on almost every message between them. But totally get it if she just does this and he returned it I’m overreacting I know.

A comment he made to me before we got together is probably part of the reason for my awfulness. He said he would sent a kiss on the end of a message to test the water to see if they returned it… obviously I know now the situation is completely different as he’s in a relationship and some people like the dog sitter do put x xx on every message

To the poster who said never ignore a niggling instinct I agree with you! But obviously I do need to put things into perspective too so thank u for helping me do that everyone

@Tal45 I did ask very calmly and nicely first, explaining that because I saw the x’s I’d like to see the messages to help us move on and not make an issue of it.

I hope the poor man sees the red flags and hears the alarm bells, and then heeds them.

But I hope you ladies can understand that the reason I shouted at him is because he refused to let me see the messages

You shouted at him but it’s his fault? Jesus.

Christ on a bike. If a woman posted that her husband had shouted at her and demanded to see messages because he saw a x x ...

Need I go on?

I hope he's re-evaluating his relationship tbh. This isn't on.

Nice blaming him for your shit behaviour. Someone shouting at me because I was disinclined to let them trawl through my messages on demand wouldn’t be someone I’d really want around tbh.

When I was having my kitchen done, the builder sometimes sent me texts with one or two kisses. He's married with grown up kids and grandchildren so I assumed it was habit to put them on family messages and he'd just forgotten he was texting me.

Oh my I forgot about this thread 😂 builders are right flirts though
I’m not worried now, who knows if they still text kiss, I’m almost 110% sure they do

I put this thread down to New Year paranoia tune back in next year for Chapter 2
This time the cleaner…