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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to expect people not to feed my baby son without asking in a cafe?

30 replies

spongecake · 29/12/2007 19:58

not sure what to think & sure she didn;t mean to harm, but during a coffee with a friend who was feeding her 14 month old ginger biscuits, she lent over and shoved a biscuit into the mouth of my 10 mth old, saying to try a biscuit. baby didn;t want it and i said please don't- i was peeling a banana for the baby at the time- he was on my knee. she knows i don;t like him given sweets and stuff so not sure where it came from. what would you do in this situation, is it usual?

OP posts:

roisin · 29/12/2007 20:03

How old was friend? Six?
Completely out of order!

kama · 29/12/2007 20:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

TherewasnoMOOMattheINn · 29/12/2007 20:04

Well like you say, you don't think she meant him any harm and he clearly didn't come to any harm. It pissed you off mildly but apart from that, it's no biggie I think. Not worth falling out with someone about it. It's not end of world. Every so often you will find some well-meaning soul giving your dc a 'treat' that you may not agree with but it the grand scheme of things it's not that important really. 99% of the time you oversee what goes in his mouth.

lizandlulu · 29/12/2007 20:08

my dd is 2.2 and have a friend who i see twice a week with a ds the same age, and i still ask her if i can give him anything. it is just polite to respect other peoples wishes.
my dd didnt have any solid food till 6 months, then my dad was trying to shove chocolate down her throat. really gets my goat.

onepieceoflollipop · 29/12/2007 20:49

Yes spongecake, the others are right.

Reminds me of when my friend was once visiting with her dd who was 6 months old. Another friend's mother dipped her finger into a bowl of angel delight and then into the baby's mouth!! This woman didn't even know the baby or the baby's mum. Imagine if baby had had a dairy allergy. Quite apart from all the other reasons that her behaviour was wrong.

snooks · 29/12/2007 20:54

YANBU

When ds1 was about 3 months old (first Christmas) I came into the kitchen to find 2 elderly aunts trying to get him to taste some boozy tiramisu from a spoon (he was entirely BF at the time)

onepieceoflollipop · 29/12/2007 20:58

snooks indeed. Clearly the 2 aunts "knew" more about your baby than you! That must have been awful.

Scotia · 29/12/2007 21:01

Reminds me of the time someone in my auntie's shop put a jelly sweet thing in my 4(!) month old baby's mouth before I could stop her. She was very apologetic when he started to choke - thought he was older than he was (no bloody excuse though). I've never been so angry at anyone.

snooks · 29/12/2007 21:05

Lollipop yes we were a bit peed off in fact the following Easter when my parents rolled up with Easter eggs and copious amounts of choc buttons I was still wary of peddling the evil chocolate. Three years and another ds on though I've calmed down a bit (got more lax). Today he seems to have eaten nothing but choc coins

Doodletoyou · 29/12/2007 21:28

Message withdrawn

KTNoo · 29/12/2007 21:57

I would have been pissed off too, but the good thing is you said something. Sounds like you were very diplomatic about it.

It's surprising as I think it's normally the older generation(s) who do these things. I once just managed to stop my dh's granny feeding my ds(4 months at the time and breastfed) double cream from her bowl of Christmas pud. And he had a milk allergy, which technically she knew about. But this is the same woman who heartily patted my tummy a week after my c-section....

differentYearbutthesamecack · 29/12/2007 22:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sidge · 30/12/2007 00:08

My cousin did this last Christmas - she gave my 14 week old baby a fingerful of cream trifle

I know it's probably no big deal but I was fuming as firstly, she hadn't had solids yet and I didn't plan on her first food being trifle, and secondly she had been hospitalised at 4 weeks with a urine infection and was under investigation for kidney problems.

So no, it's not OK to feed other people's babies without their permission. YANBU!

(And my baby wasn't a PFB but number 3, so I'm not overly precious about things normally!)

kindersurprise · 30/12/2007 00:13

YANBU, she should have asked first.

I am always surprised about people doing this, surely most people are aware of the fact that a child could have an allergy? I do not mind someone giving my DCs a sweet/choc but I want to be asked first.

Dalrymps · 30/12/2007 00:20

Out of order, should of asked first, my nephew is 13 months old and i always ask before giving him anything to eat

carmenelectra · 30/12/2007 00:23

dont think its a massive deal myself, but people should ask first. Dont get this thing that people shouldnt give kids anything sweet though?

dONT think good to deny anything

MrsTittleMouse · 30/12/2007 04:56

This isn't giving a child something sweet though is it? 10 months old is still a baby.
I think that spongecake INBU, but I also think that it's good not to let a friendship go over it. SIL has fed DD stuff that I would never feed her myself and without asking (Marmite at 11 months). I'm not thrilled, but I'm not going to risk an all-out family row.

ninedragons · 30/12/2007 08:14

This is the precise reason we bought a buggy in which the child faces the person pushing it, and not the outside world.

Elderly people in China seem to think there's absolutely no problem in shoving peanuts and watermelon seeds into the faces of any passing baby. It's all done with good intentions, but still...

oranges · 30/12/2007 08:30

A random in law tried to give 20 month old ds champagne on Xmas day to 'make him a real boy, not a softie.'

carmenelectra · 30/12/2007 09:42

wouldnt be ahppy if a passing stranger shoved anything in baby's face whileout in buggy!

PoinsettiaBouquets · 30/12/2007 09:49

Why do people have this urge to give other people's babies their first solids? It's so rude. Weaning is a totally personal special thing, esp for a first time mum - you want to be the one that introduces new things. It's almost always grannies having a moment of envy isn't it?

squimlet · 30/12/2007 10:05

YANBU OMG i would be livid. You Always ask before offering anyone elses child something to eat. Wow how rude!!

MerryXMoss · 30/12/2007 10:09

Spongecake you aren't being unreasonable at all. You decide what your ds eats, especially at this young age. At this age you have to be careful of how much salt they have too, and biscuits and sweet things sometimes contain much more salt than you'd think!

As for first foods - I so wanted to give ds his first food and mil nearly beat me to it. Actually I suspect she did beat me to it while I wasn't watching, as - well, let's just say I had a slighly different nappy before I expected to.

newnamefornewyearbookwormmum · 30/12/2007 10:19

My daughter was given a finger of cava at her Christening by my (bossy, elder, childless!!) sister -when I remonstrated I was told that 'all the babies in this family have it at their christenings' (she did the same to my niece at her Christening). Needless to say I was none too impressed and said so. I wondered at the time if I was being paranoid she'd done it on purpose to wind me up since I'd not appointed her Godmother .

YANBU - your friend should have asked first.

wb · 30/12/2007 11:18

YANBU - this is my worst nightmare (ds has dairy and nut allergies)

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