@phishy I largely agree with @TibetanTerrah, but it is slightly more than this. I still remain shocked at the openly misogynistic attitudes which my ExH frankly conveyed to and about me. Openly, unapologetically.
From a cultural POV, I think some things about what the OL said rang very true from my bitter and grim experience of marriage to my ExH who came from a particular cultural background, and which wasn’t white British (though I understand Jacob Rees-Mogg would probably be a good example of openly sharing some behaviours of OP’s ‘DH’).
Helping only when guilt tripped; choosing to come late from work once DC arrive on the scene, an 1850s attitude that it is a woman’s job to do 100% of care of DC and it is a man’s sole responsibility to be caretaker of financial responsibility, any child or household contribution is considered doing OP a ‘favour’, wanting to come home and RELAX and do NOTHING after work, notwithstanding 2 young children, getting angry and swearing by having to do any household / child caring task, verbal abuse in response to requests, and the real give away ’he should have stayed single… and have his mum and sisters spoon feed him as they always have down’.
Dare I say it but some cultures put male sons and siblings on a pedestal, treat them like little Gods, and don’t let them do anything in the house. It sets these men up for failure in the future as if these men don’t marry into a similar cultural background and to a wife who won’t also run around the H and also put him up on a pedestal; conflict, resentment and divorce is inevitable.
Had I married a man from my own cultural background (non-British but largely white also), I wouldn't be surprised by some misogynistic attitudes and behaviour, but nothing as extreme as what the OP is experiencing and what I too experienced.
Only a week ago, speaking to my ExH’s mother to resolve a co-parenting issue - yes God help me I liaise with her now, as the matriarchal head of the wider family, with her representing ExH, as it is easier for me than negotiating with ExH - and she can seek some limited cooperation as he/she considers appropriate, she was telling me how I need to understand that in their culture, men simply can’t and don’t do anything relating to children, certainly not food prep, bathing, laundry, brushing teeth and hair, this is not exH’s responsibility and I need to understand that he was raised in an environment where he was never expected to do anything himself, even getting himself a glass of water. His job is simply to financially provide.
And he is doing his ‘best’, she says, I need to understand this.
Like it or not, some cultures frankly are far more backward when it comes to equality between the sexes, and are openly so, and content to justify this inequality so openly,
An unpalatable truth, but one which has rung true from my experience.