What are the signs someone is really nosey?

[Teadrinker11]

Okay this sounds stupid but seriously, what are the red flags that someone is nosey? What kind of questions do they have to be asking to qualify as nosey rather than just being polite and making conversation? What other things does one have to do to identify themselves as being nosey?

I had a nosey person yesterday at dc swimming lesson! Asking me if it was our first time, when we usually swam, where we usually swam without giving any information about themselves or making comments. Just relentless pumping for information. Not like, oh are you new, these lessons are so good, oh this is a make up class, do you usually come here, it's a nice pool isn't it etc. Made me feel v uncomfortable and wasn't able to not answer!

Nosey people will hear you dodge the answer to a question and then find another route to ask the same question again.

Asking you how much everything you purchase costs

Asking over familiar questions too soon into an encounter/friendship. EG if my friend of 20 years asked me about my mortgage arrangements/ property arrangements I would happily trust her enough o talk about it or feel comfortable in asking to keep it private. If the bus driver asked me they'd be a nosy bugger!

They usually start a sentence with "I'm not being nosey but..."

If given an answer to their Qs that doesn’t provide the info they seek, they often continue to press, or (if they’re more subtle) ask later and/or ask in a different way. Or even ask another family member, such as a DC!

And gossiping a lot about others’ personal business.

They are female.

Dons tin hat

I like a chat but real nosiness, for me, involves a degree of inappropriateness and some kind of agenda, like they want info to use to their advantage, rather than yours. I've recently had an estate agent (obv taking notes) asking why I couldn't make a certain appointment time and a cold-caller asking why I didn't want to arrange for a new meter to be fitted. It's great to have reached a point in life where I feel absolutely no pressure to tell them any of my business.

What you consider nosey is subjective.

I would never consider the example above asking someone about swimming lessons nosey, that too me is just small talk and showing an interest. Examples of nosey to me would be trying to find out why some one is off sick from work, why someones relationship ended, going through someones mail/drawers when visiting etc.

The swimming example was not ‘showing an interest’! Not necessarily ‘nosiness’ either. Sounds like it was someone, openly, seeking information for their/their DCs’ benefit. Some people mind, others don’t.

Went to a party and someone (friend of a friend) I’d met only once previously, who has younger DC considering my DCs’ school:” was seeking information about my opinions of the school. I tried to be non committal and to change the subject: they persisted. I’m not keen on talking about school much, especially at social things, and it annoyed me. DH said he wouldn’t have minded.

Why do you ask...?

I used to have a nosey man who lived a few doors up from me. I lived alone in an end terrace cottage, my car was parked directly n front of the house beyond that was a dead end. He would frequently block me in with his work van, then when I would ask him to please move it he would say, why where are you going? Why do you need me to move it? When I would see him in passing he'd engage me in small talk then ask where I worked, if I enjoyed it, if they paid well! I dreaded seeing him around. When I finally moved out he appeared on moving day and asked why I was moving out and where was I going, I literally barged past him got in the car and went , left him flummoxed

For me it's seeking information that isn't relevant. So the guy yesterday started off taking an interest but it's completely irrelevant which day we usually swim, or which pool. I mean, that's just informatio gathering.
There's a mum at school who is intensely nosey and definitely after information to talk about you behind your back. She's very good at it and I see her do it to other people but I'm wise to her now and don't give much away. It's hard to be vague though.

@ADialgaAteMyDog

I had a nosey person yesterday at dc swimming lesson! Asking me if it was our first time, when we usually swam, where we usually swam without giving any information about themselves or making comments. Just relentless pumping for information. Not like, oh are you new, these lessons are so good, oh this is a make up class, do you usually come here, it's a nice pool isn't it etc. Made me feel v uncomfortable and wasn't able to not answer!

I have a friend like this - just asks constant questions about you. But in his case he’s very shy & anxious and this is his strategy for dealing with social situations. Most people love to talk about themselves, after all!

@pilates

Asking you how much everything you purchase costs

Yep. Hate this. So rude.

I think I come across as nosey… I try not to, but I just love finding stuff out! I’m not a gossip though… that’s very different.

Someone I used to know casually dropped into conversation that she had googled the value of the house belonging to the parents of a mutual friend. I was horrified. She just wanted to find out what the other friend potentially stood to inherit, one day. Really crass behaviour.

We had a really nosey neighbour the sort that would go and view other people houses that were up for exchange even though she gf no intention of moving
She would also leave her yappy dog outside so that if anyone walked past her gate he would bark and she could run out and see who it was
She eventually moved as someone reported her for working and claiming benefits and a few other things - and I implied that obviously she wasn’t as liked as she thought she was
She was a professional nosey bastard

@FrancescaContini

Someone I used to know casually dropped into conversation that she had googled the value of the house belonging to the parents of a mutual friend. I was horrified. She just wanted to find out what the other friend potentially stood to inherit, one day. Really crass behaviour.

They can only see what it’s last sale price was, not what it’s valued at now. Unless it’s up for sale now and on Rightmove, in which case surely the sellers want you to see it? Did they really say they wanted to know what a mutual friends inheritance would be, or did you just assume this? How did the conversation go and how did it come up? What if the parents had remortgaged and there was no inheritance? So many variables. If you give me your postcode I’ll tell you what everyone in your street paid for their houses and when they bought it.

@Imtryingveryhard - despite your username, you are failing to see my point. It’s the fact that she actually did this, not that anyone can find out the most recent selling price of any house. She didn’t want to buy it, she wanted to know how much their house was worth. To me, this was weird and, I will say it again, crass.

One of my friends is sooooo nosy. Things that happen are:

• asking way too many questions and always about facts not feelings. She doesn’t care if you like your house or what you’re thinking of decorating she wants to know what you paid.
• screenshotting chats with her other friends/ strangers on fb and sending them to me with comments. 😱 (I don’t reply to these!!)
• Not letting me change th subject/ avoid a question. Asking and reasking different versions of the same question like she’s a detective.
• Juat asking too personal questions eg about the state of marriage / sex life.
• FB and rightmove researching acquaintances, then boasting about what she found out.

@FourTeaFallOut

Nosey people will hear you dodge the answer to a question and then find another route to ask the same question again.

I think this is a really good definition. Or hears someone become increasingly reticent and ignore it.

I am so interested in other people and ask lots of questions but if I ever sense that they don’t want to answer or that they are giving a very brief or possibly not quite true answer, I will back off immediately and avoid that topic in future.

I also like to think I read the cues when someone just doesn’t want to talk/engage.

Even though I love to chat I hate it when I’ve clearly not given a full answer and someone tries to push me. read the room!