AIBU Can’t work out if it’s me or him …

[shouldntbeonhereagain]

Quick summary. Husband wfh full time 9- 5. I am sahm. No help. Children are 9,7,5 and 2. We live rurally, so drive 8 miles to school and we have a dog, 2 cats and garden to look after. I obviously do all day in week with 2 year old / all school runs grocery shopping/ meal planning / packed lunches/ cook kids meals /all laundry / homework/ clubs drop off /play dates/ dog walking /gardening grass cutting etc /majority of cleaning and sorting (with exception of loading dishwasher and he cleans his shower). He does get little one dressed and helps with picking stuff up from supermarket and cooks some of adult meals. I am genuinely curious to see if it’s me being a bitch or if this seems fair ? I realise I am fortunate to stay at home, but since wfh, I feel increasingly resentful. I have started doing exercise both on my own (running / hit etc) and walking long distances with the pushchair. This is mostly to get out as I feel I have no time of my own. AIBU that he should be more proactive domestically? He does a lot with money manage and car etc. Would really like to sound out opinion good or bad ! Thanks.

My eldest is 15 so doesn't need looking after. Youngest is primary age and a mix of grandparents/after school club/flexible working hours so we can take/pick her up from school.

Maybe suggest you each have a lie in at the weekend, then he gives you a couple of hours to do what you want, but tbh, he seems to do a fair bit, and with the choice to have 4 children you must have known it was going to be hard work for both of you? It sounds as though your DH uses the time he would have been commuting to support you and his children. Agree a time out for both of yourselves if possible, but with so many family commitments accept it's going to be hard for a few more years.

It sounds fair enough to me if you are a SAHP. I'm sure it's busy with 4 kids and several pets, but that is a choice that you have made, I presume?

If one person is carrying the financial burden, I think it's reasonable enough for the other to carry more of the mental load at home. Isn't that essentially how you have agreed to split the work between you? Personally, I prefer a more balanced arrangement, but that isn't what you've opted for.

I think you are both doing a lot. I think you do need some more time to yourself and like someone said could you each have a weekend morning to yourselves for a few hours? Work out what you want more of....sleep/seeing friends/exercise and make it a priority with your husband.

Aside from the lack of a fair division of labour what strikes me is he isn't spending much time bonding with dc. Does he only do "fun" stuff with them mostly?

It's the day to day of parenting that builds the strong close bonds

But yea outside Mon- Fri 9-5 he needs to pull his weight more.

Time for a come to Jesus talk!

Does he take the dogs on his runs? That's one way of multitasking he could do