Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

AIBU - Miserable on our anniversary

65 replies

GreenEyedPeas · 28/01/2022 18:09

Long time lurker, first time poster.

Today is my 10 year anniversary with DH, it's also DH's friend's (Jack) birthday. DH is going to be Best Man at his Jack's wedding in a couple of months. Tomorrow DH, Jack and the other male wedding party members (the Groomsmen, Fathers of the Couple etc) are going to get their suits tailored. This was all arranged about six months ago. The suit place is around four hours from where we live so Jack invited DH to spend the night at Jack's parents (where Jack is celebrating his birthday) near to the suit place. DH asked if I was ok with this, given it's our anniversary, and I said I was.

I'm now 13 weeks pregnant, and I'm really sick. I have hyperemesis and have been in and out of hospital for the last eight weeks. I exclusively get out of bed to pee. I haven't showered in six weeks, my hair is so matted I can't brush it at all and will probably have to shave it off. I'm so dehydrated that I pee once a day, and it's physically exhausting - I have to crawl to the bathroom and I have to take a bowl with me because I can't get there or back without throwing up from the exertion. I'm really light-headed all the time, everything hurts. People who've had hyperemesis will know what I mean. DH has been bringing me all my food and drink in bed, but he works full-time and leaves early in the morning so he's leaving snacks by my bedside and brings a meal in the evening. I'm throwing up blood because I've torn my oesophagus, my abs hurt like hell from retching and my teeth are destroyed from the acid. In the last eight weeks, I have only been outside for medical appointments - I haven't been to a shop, done the nursery drop off, etc. I haven't washed a single dish, or put the laundry on, nothing. DH has done everything, credit to him (even though he doesn't do it my way haha). Even just the effort from sitting up causes me to retch and vomit. I've lost over 10kg.

I really hoped DH would stay with me tonight. I know I gave him "permission" to spend our anniversary with his friend but that was before I was pregnant and before I knew I would be like this. He did ask me if I'd be ok with him going a few days ago, I said I didn't know what to do because I couldn't look after our DS in this state. He then spoke to my DM and she's agreed to take our DS from tonight until Sunday. Today, he asked how I am and I said I didn't know how I'd cope without him, he asked "are you telling me not to go?" and I said "I don't want to have to tell you".

I know IABU because I said he could go, he asked if I was telling him to stay etc but I just feel so miserable spending my 10 year anniversary all alone and feeling rubbish. I guess I'm looking for a hand hold more than anything else.

OP posts:

BlackberryandNettle · 28/01/2022 21:18

You sound awfully sick and I understand that it must be miserable. I'd still let him go for the one night though - really there's no point in you both being there feeling down and it's not like you can celebrate at the moment. It does sound like some time in hospital on a drip is what you need really Xx

Sweetpeasaremadeofcheese · 28/01/2022 21:26

My husband would never leave me in this situation, who gives two shits if his suit doesn't fit well?! However I agree with PP that you need to be in hospital, your condition sounds serious. You can't be left alone, can DM stay with you??

Crazycrazylady · 28/01/2022 21:37

I think yabru , you should let him go and with good grace as well so please don't lie there looking sorrowful .
You made a commitment that he could go , he has stepped up and arranged cover for him.let him have a night off !

Gillyx · 29/01/2022 18:16

I don’t understand why everyone’s saying he should go because he’s arranged childcare. You clearly sound like you need looking after or taking to hospital, I don’t know why he’s leaving you when you are so unwell. I’m sure he can send in his measurements to the shop. I understand that it would have been nice for him to go, but he has responsibilities and unless he has arranged for someone to look after you, he shouldn’t be leaving you alone like this.

SockFluffInTheBath · 30/01/2022 09:14

@GreenEyedPeas how are you doing, did you get yourself to hospital?

notanothertakeaway · 30/01/2022 10:17

Strangers on the internet cannot diagnose whether you should be in hospital

Wedding anniversary is a red herring

Don't expect your DH to read your mind. If you feel you need him to stay at home to look after you, then tell him that

Agree with PP that was a long post from OP if she's as unwell as she claims

Sciurus83 · 30/01/2022 10:28

Jesus Christ. You sound incredibly ill. I can't believe anyone is saying he should go away and leave you. I don't understand a this not wanting to tell him what to do, if you are that ill and he's still undecided I think it's absolutely fine to say you are too ill to be left, which you clearly are. As others have said, get some more medical attention, things sound pretty serious.

Puffflashpuffflashbang · 30/01/2022 10:34

Good lord, go to the hospital!!

FilthyforFirth · 30/01/2022 10:42

I had HG, though not as bad as you, clearly you need to be on a drip. I imagine your ketones are through the roof. Forget about the anniversary, it really doesnt mattter. Being on an ondansatron drip makes you feel almost instantly better. I would insist on this immediately. It will enable you to eat and drink and provide a little respite.

Livebythecoast · 30/01/2022 11:21

If you're as poorly as you say, which I don't doubt, I wouldn't be concerned about your anniversary, or your DH atm. You sound like you need to be in hospital, like a pp, on a drip surely? Barely leaving your bed for weeks, only to wee once a day, is not right. You sound incredibly unwell and in need of medical attention.
I really hope you get the help you need

moomee12 · 30/01/2022 11:31

This sounds way beyond hyperemesis. It sounds like there is something else going on medically here.

If you're so dehydrated that you only pee once a day and haven't been able to shower in 6 weeks it sounds like you need to be in hospital on a drip and possibly a feeding tube.

Tywin · 12/11/2022 18:58

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

LookItsMeAgain · 12/11/2022 19:35

First off the bat - happy anniversary. Do you know what you do? Have your 10th Anniversary & 11th anniversary next year and have a huge party!

My sister had HG and she was in and out of hospital on a drip (when in hospital).

I can empathise with you as I can't imagine that it's easy going, in fact I know (again from my sister) that it really really isn't.

That said, I'd let your DH have his trip away. Manage as best you can. Can you get a family member to stay over with you while he's away?

As for your hair - I think if you use conditioner and then say put your hair up in a towel turban yolk and let it do its thing, then about half an hour later, you should be able to (if you can manage it) in the shower wash your hair and not have to shave it all off.

Best of luck to you getting through the next few months. Hope you'll be back to your usual bubbly self in no time!

cansu · 12/11/2022 19:50

Suely your dm can come and take care of ds at your house so she can also help you. Someone could help you wash your hair and should do so. If you are dehydrated maybe you need more care. It sounds awful. I was very ill for the first three months.

LookItsMeAgain · 12/11/2022 21:54

FFS!!!

ZOMBIE THREAD!!!!!

Second time tonight that I've been caught out.

MNADMIN - please do something to stop these threads being bumped up. It's beyond a joke.
I can't imagine if I was the OP seeing a thread that I might have expected to fade into the background being resurrected again, just for someone else's kicks.

Flip

1 2 3