AIBU - do you ever regret a second child?

[Thatwassurreal]

I’m totally on the fence about having a second child. Some days it’s all I can think about and some days I feel like I’ll never have the strength to do it all over again. My mind wanders and I think I have one happy healthy DD and shouldn’t wish for more. What if there were complications etc

Is this normal? I would hate to go for it and wish I hadn’t but then also would hate to regret not going for it. I guess maybe I’ll have regrets either way.

People say things like you only regret the children you don’t have.

YABU - of course you never regret a child
YANBU - I have regretted having more children

I think having two is actually easier, once you get past the baby/toddler stage. I have two DDs7 and 10. They play together, entertain each other (with some squabbling). My friends who have only children have much more exhausting lives than me, constantly having to play with and entertain their child. The love they have for each other is also really lovely to see. Though sometimes well hidden!!

Interesting discussion OP, mine is two and a half and I feel like since he turned two life has got easier. I hardly have to take any stuff out with us, he’s good company and although his sleep has got worse recently I still get many full nights sleep.

I enjoyed him as a baby, I loved the cuddles, proudly pushed my pram and embraced the ‘baby life’. But in hindsight I did find it very hard because honestly it just does not suit me and does not allow me time to do things that make me happy. The lack of me time and lack of sleep. I found the relentlessness made life really unenjoyable.

If you handed me a two year old, I’d say yes. But I don’t want to go back to square one again. I’d love two children and for DS to have a sibling though.

Just the one damaged my body and I’m worried about the impact of a second. I also don’t yet feel quite myself and my marriage is shaken.

So in all likelihood I won’t have another but I do think about it a lot.

Nope, mine fitted right in perfectly. I wasn't planning a second, we needs lots of ivf for my first. I then fell pregnant naturally 8 months after having my son. I lost the second pregnancy, I then was a woman on a mission to get pregnant naturally again. It worked and he's the best thing that's ever happened to us as a
Family

I had a second to provide a sibling. Not a good decision as they don't get on, and I had a loving and close relationship with my first, and missed that so much as it's a completely different dynamic when your attention is split.
Also, more personal freedom with one, and a lot less work.

I also had terrible PND after my first, got it with the second but because we knew the signs and I had a plan in place it was no where near as bad. DC2 is 14 months now and the sibling relationship is amazing. Love it so much I'm currently expecting DC3! Not looking forward to the first 6 months, but once they're a year I just know everything will be brilliant, and it's such a short time compared to the rest of our lives.

Didn't regret second but regretted the third until he was about four and started to get easier. With second it was like there was a space waiting for her.

I had this dilemma about 4 years ago. I decided to stick with one.
I grew up poor and went without a lot. I’m fortunate now to be comfortable and I don’t want my dd to go without. She is slightly spoilt but I think it’s the outcome of the trauma being so poor growing up.
We also don’t rely on other people for child care except nursery so didn’t want to fork out 2 lots of nursery fees.
We only had to go through the horrible stages once- pregnancy, child birth, lack of sleep, teething, potty training.

I also had very bad PND/anxiety. I couldn’t go through that again.

Siblings don’t always get on. My brothers a jerk and my husband doesn’t like his siblings either.

Also I think once me and my husband pass away my dd with inherite our house and £ so hopefully she’ll always be somewhat financially comfortable in the end

I love my family of 3. Small but perfectly manageable!

Thank you again for the balanced and kind comments. It is so interesting to hear all your experiences.

I guess as one poster said you only feel regret in hindsight after you have made the decision (to stick at 1 or have another). So there is no guarantee either way about how I will feel.

I think before having children I never fully appreciated the absolute lottery having a baby is, the infinite outcomes that could arise and throw you life off in a different direction.

I think I need to really analyse my feeling on the days I’m broody and work out exactly what it is I’m yearning for. Is it truly a new baby? Or is it my Dd as a baby? Or perhaps feeling needed?

Lots to unpack. Thank you all x