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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do I have a disgusting attitude?

45 replies

RoyTroyAndChris · 27/01/2022 18:32

I broke my toe yesterday, my husband's first reaction was to strip off and say "I know what will fix it", wiggling eyebrows sort of thing.

This morning, he was contrite, offered to get a takeaway, or maybe 'something nice from Aldi' so I don't have to stand around and cook when I got home from work (6:30am - 6pm - he's been home all day).

He came home from Aldi a few minutes after I got home from work with ready curry meals and microwave rice. I hate ready curry meals, have told him this repeatedly in the past. He said 'Wow, what a disgusting attitude', said he is having nothing to do with it and has stropped off.

No doubt one of the teenagers will cook it at some point at the weekend but I'm upset and angry. I'm getting a takeaway for me and the teens.

AIBU?

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 27/01/2022 18:34

You must know you’re NBU. Is he always so unpleasant?

sadpapercourtesan · 27/01/2022 18:34

No. You don't. He's gaslighting you. He is in fact training you to accept shoddy, thoughless behaviour by punishing you for having standards and voicing your needs and preferences.

Dillydollydingdong · 27/01/2022 18:34

There is a disgusting attitude in your house, but it's his, not yours!

Original poster
RoyTroyAndChris · 27/01/2022 18:37

Yes - he can be unpleasant. But not often and not so out of the blue like this.
It's really made me doubt myself.
Thank you all for helping me centre my thoughts a bit more.

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 27/01/2022 18:40

He’s a Dick

Chikapu · 27/01/2022 18:45

I broke my toe yesterday, my husband's first reaction was to strip off and say "I know what will fix it", wiggling eyebrows sort of thing

So he got naked because he thinks that's how you fix a broken bone? I find that a little far fetched.

neverbeenskiing · 27/01/2022 18:46

He sounds horrible.

GrazingSheep · 27/01/2022 18:48

Have you had medical treatment for your broken toe?

sadpapercourtesan · 27/01/2022 18:48

@Chikapu

I broke my toe yesterday, my husband's first reaction was to strip off and say "I know what will fix it", wiggling eyebrows sort of thing

So he got naked because he thinks that's how you fix a broken bone? I find that a little far fetched.

It isn't far-fetched at all. It's typical escalating abuser behaviour. He's showing her that his sexual needs and her function as a domestic appliance is more important than her pain and injury. She's supposed to just cope with pain and injury, not bother him with it.

The shit curry - which he knew she wouldn't be happy with - is to show her that her preferences and tastes don't matter, that she is to be happy with whatever crap he presents her with, and that showing any sort of standards or boundaries will be punished with sulking and hostility.

Nothing new under the sun. He'll get worse.

Original poster
RoyTroyAndChris · 27/01/2022 18:50

@Chikapu

I broke my toe yesterday, my husband's first reaction was to strip off and say "I know what will fix it", wiggling eyebrows sort of thing

So he got naked because he thinks that's how you fix a broken bone? I find that a little far fetched.

No, he got naked because he's been desperate for a couple of days and I haven't been in the mood. He was suggesting it would take my mind off it.
OP posts:
Justleaveitblankthen · 27/01/2022 18:53

I honestly don't get the broken toe/sex innuendo? Is this some sex gag I have missed somehow🤔 Broken toe..Sex cure? Would he suck them?
Otherwise, nope not getting the joke. Dickhead.

Original poster
RoyTroyAndChris · 27/01/2022 18:53

I'm trying to keep my boundaries strong. I've had a hard day all round and I was not expecting that. I doubted myself and I'm finding it helpful to see what other people say.

He's sulking upstairs, I've ordered a takeaway for me and the teens.

OP posts:
HTH1 · 27/01/2022 18:54

I think @sadpapercourtesan has it.

DragonMovie · 27/01/2022 18:56

I’m going to go against the grain here…

The come on sounds to me like a badly timed and inappropriate joke that he’s acknowledged and tried to make up for.

He went out to buy dinner and got it wrong but was still trying to do a nice thing. I can see why he’s upset that you had a go at him. I can also see why you’re annoyed that he didn’t remember you don’t like it. But no - I don’t think this is a sign that he’s unpleasant or as someone else suggested near-abusive. Unless there’s some wider context we’re unaware of.

MilduraS · 27/01/2022 19:00

He went out to buy dinner and got it wrong but was still trying to do a nice thing. I can see why he’s upset that you had a go at him.

I'd agree with this if he bought a ready meal and OP just wasn't expecting a ready meal but she said she doesn't like curry and he's her husband so should know that.

Original poster
RoyTroyAndChris · 27/01/2022 19:01

DragonMovie
Thank you - I think that's a sage take on it and worth a revisit when I'm not so pissed off so I can think more rationally.

OP posts:
Santahasjoinedww · 27/01/2022 19:01

You missed a trick.

Dh looking at a small inflamed toe was bad enough...
Grin

Ionlydomassiveones · 27/01/2022 19:07

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Sideswiped · 27/01/2022 19:08

If he ever pulls a stunt like that again, wiggle your eyebrows at him, tell him you know what will fix it and give him a swift kick in the balls (with your non-broken toe foot).

DoubleYouOhEmAyEn · 27/01/2022 19:12

Any relationship that requires you to work so hard to maintain your boundaries needs to be questioned. He sounds like a bully to be honest.

DoubleYouOhEmAyEn · 27/01/2022 19:14

Also, jusr to be clear, you broke your toe and his first reaction is you need sex?
WTF?! Perhaps a cold compress and some paracetamol would be been more the kind of thing you needed, but his first thought was to satiate his own need.
What a catch.

MooSakah · 27/01/2022 19:17

Had you got your toe sorted when he came on to you?! It's such a weird response.

QuestionsorComments · 27/01/2022 19:17

I suppose only you know what the undercurrents in your relationship are, but assuming you actually like and love the man, I'd laugh at the "something to take your mind off it" and think the curry was an effort to help that he didn't do very well. I also wonder how you can write off all curry ready meals but like a takeaway. I get that you might prefer the takeaway, but to the extent that you'd refuse to eat then other?

moomee12 · 27/01/2022 19:17

What a disgusting man.

Theunamedcat · 27/01/2022 19:24

I've been with men like this sore throat? I've got the cure in my pants drop something on the floor? While your down there love..feel sad? Allow me to take your mind off things too hot? Let's get naked too cold? I can warm you up

It's wearing