Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do I have a disgusting attitude?

45 replies

RoyTroyAndChris · 27/01/2022 18:32

I broke my toe yesterday, my husband's first reaction was to strip off and say "I know what will fix it", wiggling eyebrows sort of thing.

This morning, he was contrite, offered to get a takeaway, or maybe 'something nice from Aldi' so I don't have to stand around and cook when I got home from work (6:30am - 6pm - he's been home all day).

He came home from Aldi a few minutes after I got home from work with ready curry meals and microwave rice. I hate ready curry meals, have told him this repeatedly in the past. He said 'Wow, what a disgusting attitude', said he is having nothing to do with it and has stropped off.

No doubt one of the teenagers will cook it at some point at the weekend but I'm upset and angry. I'm getting a takeaway for me and the teens.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
RoyTroyAndChris · 27/01/2022 19:27

Well, he's come down so I can apologise to him.
I won't apologise. So he's still pissed off. He's never going food shopping again (his words).
He is eating the KFC leftovers though.

The something to take my mind off it I might normally have laughed off, but it was really bloody painful and I didn't find it funny. That's why he was sorting dinner out - he knew he'd overstepped. So until the bloody curry arrived, I was sort of OK with it - at that point, he'd tried to make up for the stupid bloody toe sex distraction.

OP posts:
DoTheyKnowItsLemonJuice · 27/01/2022 19:29

I also wonder how you can write off all curry ready meals but like a takeaway. I get that you might prefer the takeaway, but to the extent that you'd refuse to eat then other?

Sorry, I know this isn’t the main point of the thread but…Confused Why would this be confusing or seem unlikely? Unless you are reading “takeaway” to mean “takeaway curry”?

QuestionsorComments · 27/01/2022 19:30

Well yes. OP hasn't said she doesn't like curry, in which case it would be a really weird thing to buy her, she just takes issue with curry ready meals.

phishy · 27/01/2022 19:42

Ready meals are gross @QuestionsorComments Full of salt.

whiteworldgettingwhiter · 27/01/2022 19:42

And OP's h has been home all day. Presumably he's had time to make a healthy, nutritious meal that the whole family would like.

DoTheyKnowItsLemonJuice · 27/01/2022 19:43

I honestly don’t understand your point QuestionsorComments — I’m not being goady but am mildly puzzled. She doesn’t like curry ready meals, which is what he brought in. So instead she has ordered something completely different to be delivered. It’s not curry.

I could kind of see your point if she had said “So I’ve ordered a takeaway curry” — but … she didn’t.

Anyway not important, it just seemed like an odd thing to “wonder” about.

phishy · 27/01/2022 19:43

OP, he sounds like an utter twat.

Even if you didn’t have a broken toe, why would you be the one cooking after being at work for 12 hours and he was at home all day?

This whole marriage is seriously messed up and he also sounds like a sex pest.

Original poster
RoyTroyAndChris · 27/01/2022 19:45

Yeah, I like curry, but there's something about the texture of the meat in ready meals that I really don't like.

And reflecting a bit, I think partly I am tired, grumpy, in pain, and as he has been home all day I assumed he would do something other than a last minute dash to get whatever's left on the supermarket shelves when he realised how late in the day it was. So I have lots of elements to my pissed-offness, much of which are caused by him, and some which are making it feel worse. If that makes sense...

OP posts:
FOJN · 27/01/2022 19:47

so I don't have to stand around and cook when I got home from work (6:30am - 6pm - he's been home all day).

You need a broken toe to relieve you of food prep responsibilities when he's been at home all day? And now you've gone and been all mean when he's done something "nice"?

Fucking hell. I'd be having a chat with him about what a lazy arsehole he is.

Don't get me started on the wiggling eyebrows. FYI for any male readers/posters; it's not sexy or seductive, it's cringe inducing - don't do it.

WonderfulYou · 27/01/2022 19:50

He went out to buy dinner and got it wrong but was still trying to do a nice thing. I can see why he’s upset that you had a go at him. I can also see why you’re annoyed that he didn’t remember you don’t like it. But no - I don’t think this is a sign that he’s unpleasant or as someone else suggested near-abusive. Unless there’s some wider context we’re unaware of.

I agree.

I think your reaction was a bit OTT.
It sounds like you were in pain and just wanted a bit of extra attention and affection which I don’t blame you for.
I think it was a bit mean of you to not get him a takeaway just because he’d brought you the wrong thing from the shop, he’s not a mind reader.

Just communicate with him - that you were feeling down and you were hoping he’d make a special meal for you to make you feel better.

midsomermurderess · 27/01/2022 20:24

He does sound like a prat but it's not gaslighting. That word is used so much here by people who don't understand it and are hollowing it out of meaning. It's a course of conduct carried out persistently and over time to undermine your sense of the reality you are living in.

LaughingCat · 27/01/2022 20:33

@RoyTroyAndChris

Yeah, I like curry, but there's something about the texture of the meat in ready meals that I really don't like.

And reflecting a bit, I think partly I am tired, grumpy, in pain, and as he has been home all day I assumed he would do something other than a last minute dash to get whatever's left on the supermarket shelves when he realised how late in the day it was. So I have lots of elements to my pissed-offness, much of which are caused by him, and some which are making it feel worse. If that makes sense...

Oh bless - such is the stuff that spoils domestic bliss. He totally misread the situation (my OH gets like that when I’ve not been in the mood for a while too) and then he fucked up the making up. And now all butthurt because you were rightly upset. What an eejit!

This time next week, you won’t remember all of this and unfortunately, neither will he.

Let him stew and explain why you felt upset when you’ve both had a chance to cool down. And then accept all the solicitous support he can give you!

Winniemarysarah · 27/01/2022 20:37

@QuestionsorComments

I suppose only you know what the undercurrents in your relationship are, but assuming you actually like and love the man, I'd laugh at the "something to take your mind off it" and think the curry was an effort to help that he didn't do very well. I also wonder how you can write off all curry ready meals but like a takeaway. I get that you might prefer the takeaway, but to the extent that you'd refuse to eat then other?
Where has she said that the takeaway she’s getting is a curry?
EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 27/01/2022 20:38

He's an idiot that can't even be bothered to sort out dinner that you like when he's been home all day

EmmaH2022 · 27/01/2022 20:40

he sounds like a total arse, sorry

was he working at home and pushed to the limit? Does he normally do his share of cooking?

Freddiefox · 27/01/2022 21:10

Your standards sound low. He’s lazy and doesn’t value you.

Throckmorton · 28/01/2022 10:39

Why do people put up with this sort of thing from partners? Raise the bar!

GrumpyTerrier · 28/01/2022 12:18

I suppose it depends what you said to him and how he said it. If you were like 'ah but remember I don't like ready meals' then his reaction was OTT. If you said "you stupid fucker, how many times have I told you that I hate ready meals, you loser" then his reaction was understandable.

Overall he has been thoughtless though.

DropYourSword · 28/01/2022 12:29

@QuestionsorComments

I suppose only you know what the undercurrents in your relationship are, but assuming you actually like and love the man, I'd laugh at the "something to take your mind off it" and think the curry was an effort to help that he didn't do very well. I also wonder how you can write off all curry ready meals but like a takeaway. I get that you might prefer the takeaway, but to the extent that you'd refuse to eat then other?
But...she got KFC!
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 28/01/2022 12:46

He sounds horrible

I agree with the poster who posted re abusive behaviour. Don’t minimise this - it’s not Ok

You’ve done the right thing by ordering a take away

“Something nice from Aldi” my arse

Why can’t he cook something from scratch anyway? Not that you shouldn’t get a takeaway but I don’t know why those are the only options.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page